Do you ever find yourself in pet space while your Dom isn't around? If so, how do you cope with it?
Anon,
There are certain times when I do feel pet like when Sir is not there. But we are in constant communication so I tell him I am feeling more submissive in that moment. I might wear my tail and harness, eat from a bowl on the floor or take pictures for him. But because he wants me to do so, not because I have some uncontrolled shift into becoming a pet that I need to act on. If I am in petspace, I go there on purpose with my Dom. Though I may sometimes feel more like a pet (which will be what I talk about in my answer) without them present that is not petspace for me.
I do however personally loathe the implication that petspace (wanting to be a pet) is something people just happen to fall into at random. It makes it sound like petplay is something people have no control over. Like “oops, looks like I am in kittenspace. Can’t be human rights now I guess! I am just a cute kitten, lol!” Being a responsible adult in kink means you need to know when and where to act out that kink. You shouldn’t be hostage by its wims wherever and whenever. Just because you feel it doesn’t mean you NEED to do anything on it and you should be able to choose to not engage in the role freely.
Remember petplay is /role/play. It’s make believe. No matter how much personal emotional stake we have in it this is all pretend. And not everywhere is a good place to go into your kinky mind palace.
If you are in a safe situation to act on it, like being in a private / kink friendly space, you should go to your Dom and tell them and let them decide how or if you should act on it. I tell my Dom when I am feeling petlike or more subby because it gives us a chance to reinforce the power exchange through the week and assert his control over me. That can be really powerful – especially if they say no.
If you are in public, perhaps keep a small, discrete momento of your petness on yourself. I have a squeaky cow on my keychain. If I am feeling petlike, I squeak it or grip it and let the feeling go until I am in a safe place to express my petside (if I want to do so).
Or, create a phrase you can say to yourself in your head to signal to your mind you need to let the urge go. Such as “now is not the time to be a pet”.
Have you seen the movie Wolf Children before? In that the children, who are part wolf and have to conceal their identity at school, are taught to say “I’m gonna be a little girl [boy] all the way home” as a reminder not to accidentally go full canine public. If you find yourself in a situation where you get crazy powerful urges to go pet mode at like, grocery stores or in class, the same sort of logic can apply to help you suppress that urge!
(warning, rant below this point on use of the term “petspace”):
But all of that being said that is not how I would use the term petspace. Petspace is an altered state of mind that happens as a result of biochemical changes during play and scenes. As is subspace and ropespace. Petspace is not “feeling like a pet” anymore than subspace is “really wanting to get hurt” or ropespace is “needing to be tied up”. There are pronounced differences in mental function (feeling in a fog or impaired memory, reduced ability to use language, feeling high or floaty, being hyperfocused ect) that happen in these altered states.
AGAIN FOR EVERYONE IN THE BACK: petspace is not just the feeling of wanting to be a pet, or feeling pet like. It goes way deeper than that. It is a type of subspace and so should be treated as having the same meaning. I don’t know why this one word has been twisted into being shorthand for “I want to be a pet right now”. By comparison wouldn’t it be ridiculous for someone to say they were in ropespace whenever they wanted to be tied up? Right? Even though it is the exact same concept with a different play attached to it!
Anyway I hope this helped,
Evie
