Getting through the day is hard sometimes. Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I’m a cloud of smoke and darkness, I can’t see the light and I can’t see the sunshine. Instead I just watch as the world merely passes by. I think of all of the things that I could have done in my past to prevent certain events from happening. I think of all the people that I hurt and pushed away along my path to the now. Sometimes after waking up, all I need is to curl up into a ball under a big blanket and cry because I just do not know how to function, how to move on from the events of my past. People think I’m a happy person, a bubbly and fun-loving go getter, but I’m not. Instead I’m crumbling. I’m falling silent again, pushing those close to me away. I want them to see me. I want them to help, but I won’t ask.
