Creating a Childhood Bucky X regressed!reader (1/??)
word count: 3.5 k
////Steve is alive even though this is based during the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.
You had been an avenger for a while now and obviously seen a lot, especially when you were in Hydra. You were one of the hydra supersoldiers when Bucky was still in Hydra. You were paired with Bucky, both brainwashed and following orders. You were brainwashed from an extremely young age and had already been through so much. Some may say you lived at least 100 lives by the age of 20. You had no childhood and the only comfort you had was when the guards would let you and Bucky stay together in his cell. Bucky was your only friend and lover ever. When both of you were not in soldier mode you would actually chat and he’d teach you so many things. You didn’t remember normal life outside of the compound, other than the missions. But, Bucky would talk about life back in the 40s and funny stories of his best friend Steve Rogers. One of your favorite stories Buck ever told you was when he told you about the time when he brought a rat from the streets inside the classroom to scare his teacher that was very strict on the students. It would always make you laugh so hard, which was needed after the terror you both caused when in assassin mode.
Ever since Bucky and you left Hydra, he kept you safe. You two had a special connection from the start. He knew everything about you. Every mission, every fear, every nightmare, and horror that occurred in your life. Bucky liked keeping his issues to himself though, which you understood and never pried. That was what the therapist was for though. Both of you went to Dr. Raynor to try and rehabilitate both of your minds. You actually liked the therapist and could actually see a change in your life, however recently, the issue of your lack of childhood came up.
“Y/N so you’re telling me you never celebrated your birthday or went on vacations?”
“No, we never did anything. When I became an avenger and became a US citizen I had to pick a birthday, you know this already.”
You knew what normal people would do for their birthdays, but you never told anyone your fake birthday. You didn’t really see the need to celebrate.
“Okay, well did you have any stuffed animals or toys that you played with when you were young?”
You just laugh while Dr. Raynor gives you a pitiful look
“Look Doctor, I never had any of that. Never had and never will.
“Well as you know we have gone through your childhood through hypnosis and the trauma from then has greatly impacted your life. I believe that you would improve mentally if your age regressed. I know it sounds weird but I actually will talk to Bucky about it to help with regression too, with your permission. I think both of you would benefit from this. And by this, I mean you regressing and Bucky taking care of you.”
As she was talking you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes.
“Why would I, a grown woman. A trained assassin. Need to reclaim my childhood.”
“I have seen patients that have had little to no childhood greatly improve their mind after the start age regressing. It will help you have a childhood you never had and experience things you never had. Y/N you were never safe and now you are. With the help of Bucky, you can get rid of at least some of the trauma you have. Wouldn’t you like to escape those nightmares that you suffer from weekly?”
“Well yes, but I just think that this approach is a little bit-”
“Unconventional, Immature, strange. I know Y/N, but trust me. I will give you hypnosis audio for age regression with instructions and give Bucky instructions for dealing with your regression.”
“Okay, doc but I don’t think this will fix me at all.”
Bucky’s appointment was right after yours so he was sitting on the couch with his hands together in his lap. As he saw you walk out he gave you a small smile. He hated seeing your puffy eyes, which he should be used to but he never thinks he could ever be used to them. Every time you went to therapy you would always end up crying. You hated being so vulnerable, but it needed to be done, to heal yourself. Bucky has always been very caring and protective of you, even when he was in winter soldier mode. He has just become increasingly protective of you over the years. In battles, he is always near you to make sure you are not hurt. He was just an amazing boyfriend.
You sat down next to him and quickly told him how everything went in there and quickly mentioned the age regression thing and explained that the doctor would tell him. No one was in her waiting room, so your conversation was private. He just gave you a hug, the back of your head on his chest. Bucky then turned to face your head and said, “Hey doll, how about while I’m in there you go and get yourself a coffee or something to eat. Just to kill some time.” He took his wallet out of his back pocket and quickly handed you a couple of bills, enough for 10 coffees.
“Bucky, I don’t need this much money it’s too much” you exclaim, money already in your hand.
That was when the doctor came out and called Bucky in leaving you with the money. He just kissed your cheek and said, “See ya in an hour doll.”
You decided to walk around outside, the New York air hitting your face as the door behind you closed. You walk inside a small coffee shop that was two buildings away and got yourself a small coffee to drink as you walk around. During your walk you thought about age regression and if it would help you. You couldn’t think of what it would even feel like since the feeling of being a kid. When you thought of being a child it would feel like fear, like after crying where it feels like you have a heavy chest, and panic. Seeing children with their parents always made you feel jealous and missing. You wish that you had what they had, but would never tell anyone that. Maybe this regression would let you feel like a child again, maybe you would like this. While in your thoughts you turned and saw a toy store and walked inside. You never stepped foot inside of one before and wow it was so cool. There were so many toys to see. There were dinosaurs, cars, stuffed animals, dolls, and games. It was almost overwhelming the number of things children could choose from. The stuffed animals attracted you though. You touched the ear of one of the stuffed bears. It was a lavender color and had a stripped bow around its neck. That’s when you thought, ‘well maybe I should buy some things for this regression thing.’ You went to grab a basket to put your items in and walked around the store. You placed the cute lavender bear inside, delicately placing it in so it could sit. You then saw some lego figures that happened to be avengers. You smirked as you saw all the figures of your friends. You even saw one of you, which you had to put in your basket. And of course, they had a Bucky figure, which you thought was the cutest thing ever. Bucky was sure to love it. You then put a few other random toys in the basket and you paid for everything.
Bag in hand you walk back to the therapist’s office. Bucky would be happy that you bought some things with his money. You sat down and waited a couple of minutes until Bucky walked outside of her office. When he exited he smiled at you as you stood up. He walked over and hugged you and asked, “what’s in the bag?”
“Oh uh I may have bought a couple of things for my regression, I am gonna give it a try Buck,” You said to him quietly despite the office being empty. You were just shy when talking about this new thing.
“Don’t worry doll, Dr. Raynor explained everything to me and even gave me a whole guide. We’ll talk in the car okay,” he says kissing your forehead, hand around your waist.
“Enough about me Buck, how was your session,” you asked, trying to get the conversation off the topic of you.
“The usual.” He never liked talking to you about his sessions, he was always worried more about you.
“Buck you need to be honest to her, she is just trying to help.”
“I know doll, let’s just get back to the house.” He says while opening the car door for you.
While he was driving you told him what you bought, which he all loved. He was so excited to see the lego figure of both of you. You guys also discussed the whole age regression thing and how he actually was happy for you. The idea of the therapy seemed promising, even when she mentioned all the promising cases that used regression for therapy. Your doctor knew how protective Bucky was over you, so she knew that he would be an amazing caregiver. Bucky knew everything he needed to do and he knew that you would benefit from it.
When you got home you went to the couch to sit down and show Buck the toys you got. His eyes lit up when you pulled out the figures. “He looks just like me… look at his little metal arm too! And yours, it looks just as cute as you.” He kissed your forehead gently and hugged you. Buck put the figures in his pant pocket so you would not lose them. They were so small and you had a tendency of losing small things like earrings, so he would always carry your trinkets with him.
You then showed him the stuffed animal. “You know, I have never had a stuffed animal before and today our therapist pretty much looked at me like I was crazy because I said that I never had one.” You hug the lavender fluff to your chest and say, “Now I’m glad I bought one today. I can see why she was shocked though, there was so many Bucky! And I have always seen in movies how stuffed animals are like protectors of children.”
He saw your eyes light up talking about the toy store and said, “Well you should have seen the toy stores in the 20s, there were so many cool toys.”
“So when are you going to listen to that regression tape. I am ready whenever you are,” Buck asked.
“Well, I could start right now if you’re up for it.”
You went into your shared bedroom and plugged the headphones into the device that had the regression hypnosis audio. With the stuffed animal in your arms, you put the headphones over your ears and started the audio. You could hear your therapist’s voice and as you relax you could feel yourself relaxing. Then as you relaxed, you eventually felt young except it wasn’t a feeling of being scared for your life. It was comforting.
When the recording was over you felt like you were three. When you were three it was before Hydra. Three years old was a year of safety and security.
You had your stuffed animal in hand and felt like you were in a daze. No worries and hardly any thoughts. Your only thought was to walk around the house. Bucky was reading a book on the couch waiting for you to come out, to see if the therapy even worked.
“Buck?” you asked in a quiet small voice.
“Hey, there's my doll. How’d the regression go?”
You just walked up to him and held out your stuffed animal. It was obvious that the regression worked. Bucky knew to just treat you like he would a child and so he started some small talk.
“So how old are you Y/N?”
You held up three fingers and gave a small laugh.
“Wow, you're so smart Doll! How about we sit and watch a cartoon?”
“Ya!” you just up and down in excitement as Bucky turned on a Disney movie. Bucky’s favorite Disney movie was Tangled and both of you would always sing the songs together. Steve would always say that you and Buck were Rapunzel and Eugene.
Bucky was amazed at how you acted exactly like a child. Even mentally you were one. He’d watch you sway side to side when rapunzel would sing. He loved how you had your lavender stuffed bear hugged to your chest.
It was nearing dinner time and your tummy was rumbling. You turned to bucky and exclaimed, "Buck I'm hungry!”
“Okay Princess, what do you want to eat?”
“Uh I don't know,” you said while swaying your feet slowly.
“Okay, don’t you worry, I make you some food real quick.”
Bucky went straight into the kitchen, keeping an eye on you watching the movie. You looked as though you did not have a care in the world. He’d obviously never seen you like this, being calm and not constantly on guard.
He finished making dinner for both of you, which was dino nuggets and fries.
You squealed in excitement when you saw what he made.
“Tank you Buck! It's yummy!” You wiggled and smiled up at him.
As both of you were eating and enjoying your movie. You both heard a knock at the door. You looked towards Bucky, mouth stuffed with fries, looking at him as if you were asking who do you think it is. Bucky goes up quickly grabbing the gun he keeps in one of the cabinets and peers out of the peephole. It was Steve.
He opened the door as Steve looked at him. He looked frustrated and immediately started talking to Bucky.
“Buck we need to head out now! You and Y/N are in danger. I can’t explain right now but we need to leave,” Steve quickly said as he walked inside your home. Steve rushed into the living room and saw you watching TV. It was almost like you didn’t even hear what he said to Bucky, despite the living room and the front door being in the same room. “Come on Y/N, we need to go!” Steve grabbed your arm and you looked up at him in terror. You did not know what was going on and you turned your head to look at bucky. Buck just picked you up from the couch and ran outside. Your stuffed animal dangled from your hands as he placed you in the back seat of the car Steve drove, and then sat next to you. Steve started the car and drove off quickly.
Steve looked in the rearview mirror and saw a black van screech up. The car was far away from Steve's but he saw the men rush out and start bashing the door open, trying to get you guys.
You were sobbing and did not even understand what was going on. Steve looked back and you from the mirror as Bucky consoled you, telling you that it's okay. He had never seen you cry, especially at the threat of danger so it was strange. “Hey Y/N are you okay?” Steve asked. You just rubbed your tear-filled eyes and responded, “I didn’t get to finish Rapunzel.” You turned to Bucky with a pouty lip and he just cuddled you saying it's okay. White Buck’s chin was on top of your head he told Steve what was going on.
“You know the whole therapy thing both Y/N and I have been doing to deal with the whole Hydra thing. Well, Doc told Y/N that she could help her relive her childhood since she was in hydra for pretty much her whole life. So, she told her to do this at-home therapy that's called age regression and well, she did it like an hour ago. She mentally goes back to her childhood and her therapy is basically reliving her childhood. Well, one that she deserved. That’s why she is acting like this. I was taking care of her, like a caregiver. She told me that she is three, so treat her like a three-year-old.”
Steve just looks up at you and back at the road and asks, “Hey Y/N, what's the name of your bear?”
You didn't even think about naming it, I mean it is your own now. You thought about what to name your bear and played around with your stuffy. You then looked up and said, “Her name is Flower! Cuz she is purple like my favorite flowers!”
Bucky just pets your head and saw that you guys were headed for the avenger's tower. ‘Great more explaining why Y/N is the way she is right now.’ Bucky thought. Bucky could not worry about that now though since you were being threatened. He had to protect his baby.
When you all entered the building, you were surrounded by securit. Steve quickly led you two to his apartment inside the building.
Your child mind was shooting off, you were confused as to what was even going on but too small to really care. Bucky was the one doing all the caring at the moment. Steve's apartment was modern looking but filled with antique objects. The windows attracted you over. The city looked beautiful this high up. You simply swayed looking at the cars pass by.
Bucky walked up behind you with a blanket. It was already night time and you were sure to be sleepy. That crying in the car had to have made you exhausted. "You okay Doll? You're all zoned out looking at the city." You responded with an mhm and turned around.
"Can we go sleep? I tired," you ask.
"Of course baby. Let's go sleep. You had a tough day huh."
Bucky lifted you up like you weighed nothing and carried you to the spare bedroom.
"Wat are we gonna do tomorrow Bucky? Also, why are we here?" you asked. Despite the commotion, your brain could not comprehend what was going on and why you left the house.
Bucky just gave you a smile, knowing you could not understand the situation, that another villain was after you guys. "I'll explain in detail in the morning, but we had to leave the house because some bad people were going to come to the house. Steve saved us."
You looked up at Bucky as he laid your body onto the soft white sheets. Sleep already taking over you. He kissed your lips and went to lay down next to you. He brought your body closer to his and you both fell asleep.
Bucky woke up first the following day. Steve was already in the kitchen brewing coffee, dressed like he was ready to go workout. They both said good morning and drank coffee together. You eventually came out of the room, in a daze and not even knowing where the hell you were. When you saw Bucky though you eased up.
"Good morning Doll, how'd you sleep?" Bucky asked.
"Good, why are we in Steves's apartment?"
"Look, uh you regressed, and then Steve came over and told us we had to leave quick because some group was after us. You really don't remember anything?"
"No the last thing I remember is laying in our bed."
Steve ended up explaining everything to you guys. And how he knew the threat. He had been tracking a group of men that were seeking revenge on both of you. Steve found out that back in the day one of your missions was to eliminate a target that happened to be in a crime syndecate. The syndecate lost track of both of you since Hydra was pretty allusive, but now they found your location.
"Well why should we even be concerned, we have literally scared many grown men, these are just men."
"Well, we should be because according to our informants they have connections everywhere. Y/N please sit down, I need to tell you something." Steve said.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Dr. Raynor is a part of that group. She planned on giving you the recording of the age regression hypnosis to trigger you into a regression when we need you the most. Almost like the whole Hydra brainwashing, only faster and no pain. It is a viable therapy technique but she can use that audio whenever she wants to make you useless. Our team even figured out that they put a tracker in the device she gave you."
You stared at Bucky shocked. She gained your trust. Knew everything about you and used it against you. What would you guys do now?
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