I ruin everything that makes me happy.

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@princessbpd
I ruin everything that makes me happy.
*gets distracted psychoanalyzing myself*
OH MY GOD
if you can’t handle me at my panic attacks then you don’t deserve me at my still filled with general anxiety but not totally suffocating
depression after years of having it isn’t even sadness it’s just being exhausted and being allowed one (1) emotion a week and sometimes your brain is like “die” and you’re like “shut up brad”
bpd moodboard
me: can i act like a normal human being for one second
my brain:
Date someone who understands your mental illness and will power through your outbursts with you.
It’s what you deserve.
You deserve someone who cares enough to stay even when you’re not okay.
is there a logical reason for me to be sad right now?? no. is that gonna stop me from being sad right now?? also no.
when the dissociation hit hard
Me: reaches out to someone for help Me, beating myself with a pole: 🔪THIS🔪 IS 🔪NOT 🔪THEIR 🔪PROBLEM 🔪LEAVE 🔪THEM 🔪ALONE🔪 STOP 🔪DRAGGING 🔪OTHER 🔪PEOPLE 🔪DOWN 🔪WITH 🔪YOU🔪
this one is a little too real 4 my taste
Okay wow
me: I feel good
minor thing: *goes wrong*
me: not once in my life have I ever been okay
sometimes loneliness makes it feel like you’ve disappeared off the face of the Earth. or like you’re invisible, and you’re watching all the other visible people interact. I’m here to tell you that you exist in real time and that does not depend on whether or not other people acknowledge you
@enciende-lux that honestly makes so much sense and explains a lot.
This explains why I crave cigarettes constantly.
who am I without all my stolen personality traits??? no one because my whole identity is just parts of other people’s personality and traits. i have no identity of my own