Sparkle & Shine. @princessmallie - Tumblr Blog

i think we shoukd have glowstick juice injected in our bones when we’re born so if we break em theres a fun little surprise

dongboss

whats the surprise

brucebocchi

blood poisoning

uptional

averagefairy

being ugly in high school doesnt last forever but the trauma of being ugly in high school SURE DOES !

thegarnet

remember when fyre fest happened like a year or so ago and there was this article where the attendees complained about how shitty it was but there was this one middle class dude who won a ticket through like a lottery or something and had the time of his life because rich people suffering is great. i hope y’all remember it is today’s mood

thegarnet

god i AM josh.

sexanax

not to be dramatic but i need to get fucked

willow

me: queen of having had enough

id-888

How come you feel it more at night

sheholdsyoucaptivated

The moon

dihydrogenmonoxideawareness

Why would anyone want to consume it!?

etherealastraea

I teach my 7th graders about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide.

I bring in a graduated cylinder of it and we talk about how it’s used in nuclear power plants and gmo crops. How inhaling even the small amount I’m holding can lead to suffocation or even death. It’s found in vaccines and cancer cells, but also in infant formula and pet food. It is a huge component of acid rain, can cause severe burns, and has been found in places that were thought to be the most pristine and unpolluted locations on earth.

We talk about how there are little to no regulations on this chemical. No bans, no warning labels, and most manufacturers don’t even have to disclose their use of it in their products.

My students are outraged. We talk about what we can do. Create posters and flyers to spread awareness. Contact our senators with petitions to ban DHMO. Spread this information all over social media.

Then I explain that the real problem with dihydrogen monoxide is that….when I am thirsty…there is just nothing else as refreshing, and then I watch their looks of absolute shock and horror as I drink the entire vial down.

bluegone

I. Fucking. Love. This.

This is how misinformation works. How propaganda works. How manipulation works.

nerdy-pharmacy-daydreams-deacti

may our education be stronger than fake news

darthlenaplant

Amen.

chubby-aphrodite

To those who don’t get it:

“Dihydrogen monoxide” is the chemical name for water, AKA H2O.

mod2amaryllis

another important element of understanding the joke is understanding how pH levels work

yup. that’s a higher number alright.

youngalientype

“Everyone who has ever touched or consumed this chemical has died”

theartistformerlyknownasb

My dad told me a story recently about how he was in Boy Scouts or something and they went on a hike and were each given a rifle and one single bullet to practice shooting with (idk, it was the 70s or whatever). One of his friends, whom I’ll refer to as Steel Balls for reasons that will soon become clear, beckons my dad to a part of the woods and points to a giant hornets nest up in a tree. SB announces that he’s going to shoot it, waits for my dad to take cover (as one should in this situation), and fires off his only round into the nest. Sure enough, a swarm of pissed off hornets descend upon SB, who stands stoically and perfectly still at the base of the tree. Dad maintains that, despite their buzzing right around him, none of the hornets stung his friend, and they soon calmed down and returned to their newly renovated nest. SB turns back to face my dad and imparts this chunk of wisdom: “That’s the secret to dealing with hornets, Jim. They don’t know humans make rifle shots; they don’t know where the noise came from. You gotta stand still and don’t move, and they won’t chase you. If you run, they know you’re guilty.” Apparently dad was so awed he gave up his single bullet so SB could shoot the nest a second time, with the same results.

Long story short: hornets can sense guilt and there are people in the world who have tested this theory.