sigh

...Ugh...

[probablybterriblesidedish]

I search for "taco pillow" on the Wish app and this is what I get. Pleas explain.

[probablybterriblesidedish]

Example of how unaware people can be:

This lady was super annoyed that I was parked behind her at the gas pump because other pumps were available . She was just chilling in her car there. She even said something to another stranger about it. I just waited patiently (I had a long ass day and didn't want to deal with it). She gave me a nasty look after she drove away. I DRIVE A DIESEL CAR. THERE IS ONLY ONE DIESEL PUMP. So, if you are chilling at a gas pump and someone is behind you when other pumps are open: check if there is a diesel pump there as well. If so, chill somewhere else or don't be shitty about it. BYE.

[probablybterriblesidedish]

I wonder if there is a correlation between what part of your home/life is disorganized and the stress/discontentment in your life.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[flacomexicano-deactivated201806]

“your eyes hella red u been smokin??” no I been crying bitch leave me alone

[writing-prompt-s]

All the gods of myth and legend are real, but having your prayers answered depends on discovering which god can hear you. You figured out which god is listening to your prayers, but they’re not what you expected.

[wulfgang]

Suzy was dissapointed. Most people her age had discovered their deity so far, and she was starting to think she was godless. She turned the next page of McBayers’ Little Book of Deities, and tried reading their names aloud to see if she’d get a reaction. It had taken her weeks just to get through Chinese spirits and deities, and had finally reached the first page of Egyptian Gods and you.

“Ammit? Amun? Anhur?” Nothing. Her heart slowly sank again. Three more tries, and she’d stop for now.

“Anubis?”

The ground shook. The lights in Suzy’s room flickered and went out. A single flame hovered in the middle of the room, and as it grew to a blaze it changed form. Within the blink of an eye, there was a tall figure standing in Suzy’s room. The body of a man, and the head of a jackal. His eyes shone bright as he peered at her.

WHAT IS IT, SUZY OF THE HOUSE MILLER?

“You’re the deity that answers my prayers?”

INDEED. I, ANUBIS, WHO RULES OVER THE LAND OF THE DEAD, IS HERE TO ANSWER YOUR REQUESTS.

Suzy thought for a moment. “O great and mighty Anubis who rules over the afterlife, can I please have a puppy?”

Anubis seemed taken aback.

IN THE CENTURIES THAT I HAVE BEEN PRAYED TO, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN REQUESTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS. CHILD, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

“I’m eight and a half. My mommy says that if I can take care of a puppy, I can keep it.”

ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU DO NOT WISH FOR ME TO BRING PLAGUES UPON YOUR ENEMIES OR WEIGH A SOUL FOR YOU?

Suzy shook her head. “I want a puppy.”

CHILD, IN TRUTH THIS WISH I CANNOT GRANT. MY JOB HAS BEEN TO BRING PEACE AND LEAD SOULS INTO THE AFTERLIFE, NOTHING MORE. IF I WERE TO CREATE A HOUND FOR YOU, IT WOULD BE FORMED OF BONE AND SOUL ALONE.

Suzy thought for a second. She would have liked to have a nice fluffy puppy, but then she remembered how Aunt Marge’s Sphinx cat was still nice, even without fur.

“No fur is fine, as long as they don’t bite and make a mess.”

Anubis nodded, and raised a hand. Underneath his palm an intricate symbol appeared on the floor. It glowed bright, and the floorboards burst apart. Up sprang a massive skeletal dog, bigger than suzy herself. Its eye sockets held blue flame, and its jaw hang partly open in a perpetual grin. It slowly walked over to Suzy and nuzzled her.

“What does it eat?”

IT WILL NOT NEED SUSTENANCE, AND WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO SERVE ITS NEW MASTER. I HOPE THIS WILL SUFFICE.”

“I love it. Thank you, Anubis.”

Anubis looked slightly taken aback, but nodded peacefully.

FAREWELL FOR NOW, SUZY OF THE MILLERS. IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE BUT TO ASK ME.

Suzy nodded, and ran over to her parents’ room to show them her new dog. She was pretty sure they couldn’t object to this pet.

[wulfgang]

A part 2,since this got some people interested.

Keep reading

[itsvondell-deactivated20180104]

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

[chromalogue]

I’m rather fond of “It’s not rocket surgery” and “not the sharpest egg in the attic,” but my all-time favourite is, “…until the cows freeze over.”

[bowtochris]

You’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it,

[hkjhgjklhkjl]

i made an aesthetic generator now you can discover urself

[liminalwoman]

Sloth Core 

[vitabreva]

Glam Emo

[a-f0x]

Night emo

[probablybterriblesidedish]

If you don't deal with the shadows, they will keep following you.

[probablybterriblesidedish]

[pics-that-make-you-go-hmm]

[just-shower-thoughts]

In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.

[castiel--for--king]

[copperbadge]

“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.” 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”

[digital-gecko-deactivated201802]

My heart wtf

[aenramsden]

Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.

[kaijufluffs]

POV Fantasy slice of life book when?

[thetomhiddlestonpage]

Ya know sometimes I’m having a good day and just enjoying myself then I remember that otters in the amazon can reach 6 feet in length and take down and eat adult Jaguars and anacondas and not just gators but friggin caiman gators. Then I need to sit down for a minute because that’s some serious @sixpenceee shit.

[snake-oil-retailer]

Jesus what the fuck

[woody112704]

I did not know they got that big

[fail-boat]

River otters are some of the baddest ass motherfuckers in the animal kingdom.

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

In Zootopia, only predators went savage. An otter was one of those that went savage and a comment from the row behind me in the theater was “otters are predators?” Yes. Yes, they are.

[sixpenceee]

That’s literally what I was thinking

[foreverbornthisway]

[unpretty]

thank god for the mythbusters though because it used to be that whenever i knew i had insomnia i’d just kind of accept it and stay up doing whatever until my morning classes and spend the day feeling like shit

but then they did an episode where they established that even just fucking laying there for a half hour, not even sleeping just laying there and not even for an hour, makes a significant difference and you’ll feel way better

it has made a huge difference in my life to know that it’s okay if i can’t fall asleep, it takes a lot of the pressure off and ironically helps me fall asleep better

[inkstainedchocolateeyes]

…i did not know this, thank you

[unpretty]

If anyone wants to look it up, the episode was specifically the Deadliest Catch crossover ep, and the myth was that it’s better/safer when working a 30 hour shift to take a 20 minute nap every six hours rather than try to power through. They did an obstacle course test, one without naps and one with, and even though they couldn’t even sleep half the time the naps resulted in their scores doubling.

So actually I undersold it, even if it’s 7:40 and your alarm goes off at 8 just lie down and shut your eyes and it will still be better than nothing

[inkstainedchocolateeyes]

bless you i wish i had known this in college, but oh well

[pepoluan]

THIS NEEDS TO BE REBLOGGED ALWAYS

[letsgopunchsomenazis]

@bb8h0ld0n

[akhietz-deactivated20170215]

“When the rich were greedy, Allah made them wear the clothes of the poor with the highest prices.”

- Al Afasy

[ygsolis]

[rejennerate-deactivated20210131]

God sent Yeezy

[probablybterriblesidedish]

Dear people who wish they could move things with their mind, you do it every day. This is a PSA.