"LOVE ME I SAY!"

A place where our problematic alters can freely talk. Whether they be "pro-ship" (having memories or being introjects of it, or having a grey area of it), fucked up whores, or whatever. Feel free to send in your own asks about problematic stuff!

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🌹💄INTRODUCTION / MASTERPOST 🚨🚩

Hello, you can call us Avioa. Avi for short. We are a (Questioning) RAMCOA/TBMC system. We have some problematic alters who wish to talk. Though we dont want to be cancelled on our main blog.

Anybody is free to send in asks about their experience about being a problematic system, having problematic alters, being a problematic alter, etc.

Our DNI includes endos + endo supporters, endo neutrals are fine. When we say endos we mean non traumagenic systems in general, we just cant be bothered to list every name for them. Trans-IDs and radqueers DNI aswell. If you support acting on things such as incest, pedophilia, zoophillia, etc. DNI.

TWs may include - Pedophilia, incest, torture, rape, CSA, SA, abuse, child abuse, hypersexuality, self-harm, murder, violence, blood, and more.

BE CAREFUL ON OUR BLOG.

If RAMCOA and related topics make you uncomfortable or cause pain we also recommend you take precaution or leave.

Thank you for coming to this blog!

*While we dont have a set regulation on what you can or cannot send in if your ask goes unanswered you're free to ask what happened! We are very nice we promise!! We understand when rules arent clearly set you dont know what is too far, we wont get mad if you send something we cant publish! Just ask!

(P.S. Yes this blog is going to look edgy. We enjoy edgy stuff. We're emo and also enjoy goth stuff. Oh and also cringe culture is dead [or should be atleast] anyways so yeah)

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Tw brief mentions of ramcoa, programming, & torture

A majority of us feel really bad for the way that we are but we know that we can’t help what was done to us.

We have two internal handlers that keep the abuse going (sometimes, they only make it happen every so often) and they always apologize because they’re struggling to deprogram (we aren’t in therapy and we’d rather not deprogram until we’re with a therapist) from what they do.

But all of us enjoy them. They’re extremely funny and really silly to be around. No one really sees them as someone that’s hurting us besides one person who’s extremely close.

We all enjoy both of them. Some of us love them and it feels terrible because they always deny it and say that they don’t want to be in that when they’re struggling so much, and it’s so understandable and it just makes us want to hug them more and more.

But at the same time, they’re the only two that try their best to make it up to us. Another two constantly make it worse.

An introject of our abuser keeps making everything worse but we feel so bad for him. He doesn’t like doing what he does and we know that he can’t help it. The other one constantly tells us that we never went through all of that stuff.

But we know that we did and the first two have made a paper document about what we went through and left notes that we don’t even remember being there. They always show up to say that we’re all real and that if did happen when we’re going through bad denial again because they’re trying to do better. They’re the ones that remind us of the programming and torture we’ve gone through and are the ones that have the memories the most but they try not to use them for anything bad, sometimes they do.

I dunno, it’s love hate relationships with a few of them but at the same time, we don’t blame them for any of it.

With trauma, especially severe trauma such as this, it can be really hard.. alters are forced to do things and their broken down and built up and it's so ingrained that it's incredibly hard to break out of.. but it's good that they're trying their best and are helping you guys and are giving you guys information..

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i really hate it when people/other systems say that little cant consent like i can and have consented to sex/sexual activities with other alters (both adults and other littles),i have been in the system sinds we were like bodily 5 years old im mentally older then some of the adutl alters i have had sex with just becuase i look like a child doesnt mean i am one. And the fact that i am also hypersexual just like most alters in our system means that somethimes in order to feel better i have to get fucked or els i will just keep feeling this sexual feelings and end up haveing a breakdown

I think every little should be able to set their own boundaries.. if they can consent, then they should be allowed to. Not every little wants to be treated like a child or has the mental state of one..

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I'm not sure if this is problematic per se, but I should get it off our collective chest. Most of the adults in the system are sexually active, and most all of us share interests in that regard.

CNC (emphasis on the first C) and hypnosis are a couple. And sometimes we just feel really ashamed of ourselves for it, like we're spitting on RAMCOA survivors. And, I know that's not true, due to the way we practice and whatnot, but I... still.

I feel like it's wrong for us to like these things and be a system. Like they can't coexist.

For reference: we are not RAMCOA. But these kinks could very possibly be trauma related, we're not sure. We don't retraumatize ourselves. We're very careful with the way we practice both by ourselves and with our partners in our partner system.

-🧪

You definitely aren't spitting on survivors.. your kinks are a completely seperate thing, and they're practiced with safety and making sure you are satisfied and happy. In no way does that disrespect survivors..

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ay so idk if this countsss? but im a bf alter from friday night funkin (my name's benny :D) an i'm in a system with ocd. like we all experience ocd

and man last night was the worst. i have like a naturally ... how do i say this. my dialect is kinda hood when i talk out loud. thing is i'm white and the body is mixed so thats already weird enough right

but our ocd has me slingin slurs and shit in headspace that i cant say. it's like somethin worms its way into me an pulls it out. and our headspace is like, whatever you think, you "say". so it's not like i can block off those thoughts. the others empathize w me an i know its not a big deal as long as im not like actively sayin some sideways shit, ykno, but man.

it dont help that like. my source is from newgrounds. an back in the fuckin day newgrounds waaaaas kinda known for that shit! f slur, r slur, dick jokes, yknow the like. an naturally w a game payin tribute to old shit on newgrounds like pico's school an tankmen, i'm kinda roped in w that shit!

off topic but out psys has a pico alter and bro he is chill asf. been hangin out w him since last night bc the hosts need a break (lotta shit goin on) and bro. brooooo ilhsm <33 eeerrrm polycuuule!!! anywayz.

thanks for listenin, man. preesh /gen

We have a lot of intrusive thoughts and such where we say.. really bad shit, so I get it! But yeah as long as you don't like.. agree with it and you aren't saying it out loud then you're all good

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i hate everyone in this system, in my source, our friends and our family.

i hate the hosts. i hate the gatekeeper. i hate my sourvemates. i hate the fic gives. i have the factives. i hate the protectors. i hate the other persocutors. i hate the brain makes. i hate the other trauma holders. i hate the other symptom holders. i hate the way our friends treat our system as something quirky. (we were abused, bullied, traumatised etc throughout our entire childhood and it’s still ongoing. very quirky./s).

i hate everyone and everything. i especially hate our gatekeeper. yannick ik you’re co con with me. fuck off.

— rowan astor (he/it) (🗡️) [opus collective]

I get hating everyone.. so many people can be aggravating and it's geniunely so shitty of your friends treat you guys like that. But I hope you can find people who you don't hate and who help you.. because you deserve that..

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We speak Spanish, I just want your answer as a consolation, I will use Google translator:

TW: mention of Incest

I'm an introject of Andrew (from the Andy and Leyley game) unlike my sister, I hate my source, I'm afraid of knowing how other systems and other people will react, I'm afraid of receiving death threats… I swear it's punishment enough to be harassed by Ashley..

Hey, you shouldn't be harassed for your source.. you're a seperate person who deserves to be treated as such.. from our own personal experience most systems are very kind and welcoming and understand that, though there are a few who can be oblivious and rude.. for the most part though, systems are pretty nice..

I hope you've found people who accept you..

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it’s nice to find a blog like this, thank you for creating it

i feel bad because in sys I’m dating another alter who in our source the fandom and everyone else shuns us being together, so I can’t post any of the art I make of me and my partner and it makes me feel really bad. I love them, and wouldn’t trade them for the world, I just wish we could be more open about our relationship without having to hide it behind ‘just drawing us being friends’

for context the pairing is Mystery x Alfred from DollEye

That really sucks.. I think you should be allowed to enjoy yourselves and post the art because you guys aren't your source and deserve to be treated as like.. actual people... and deserve respect..

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Hi, I know it's been a while.. again.. but, had to take another hiatus..

We're back for now, but I think we're gonna try and kinda stock-pile asks and then answer them all at once so, if it takes a while for your ask to be answered that's why

Thank you all for the support and patience ^^

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imagine being a sex repulsed ace in a sys full of hypersexual people. i feel so bad for everyone bc a lot of hypersexuality is intrusive thoughts (to my knowledge) but it hits me hardest bc every time im in cocon and can hear thoughts its like. ok i will vomit now

gghh that sucks.. :(

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i fucking hate this system everyone is so god damn juvinile and one of them is violently homophobic. i have been physically(? its in headspace so idk if id call it physical) attacked MORE THAN ONCE. i want to kill everyone here so bad

it can be like that sometimes..

im sorry you're suffering with that :( /gen

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hope dontt mind vent but. god. honestly im kinda scared of this system because we have an EXTREMELY problematic alter. and. we just dont know what to do. he wont change. its not like he ever fronts, butt he still exists, and i (host) fear hiim. have any tips on how to get him to change. (if no then feel free to post ot and just let people respond /nf)

well change isnt always guaranteed sadly.. but in our experience some of our "irredeemable" persecutors have been redeemed just by other alters being kind to them..

one of our persecutors has recently been redeemed by a symptom holder who just wanted to try to see the good. The symptom holder listened to the persecutor and tried to understand why they did what they did.. and it turns out they had trauma as well. The symptom holder taught them how to be better and stuck with them.. while making sure it wasn't just an act.

It will take time. people slip back into habits.. people take time to change.. but if you're patient, and they are willing, it will happen..

but never force it... it'll only drive them away.

If they refuse, leave a door open for them to accept redemption if they wish later on.

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Okay, thank you :) that cleared some things up and I think I understand it just a little bit more than I did before :)

Reading some of the things on your blog has also unintentionally helped us a lot in how we feel about some of our persecutors and alters with odd sources. We have a suzie alter who was just straight up fucking mean to our psys of nearly 3 years for no reason and we sort of immediately labeled her as a persecutor and locked her away, but that was almost three years ago at that point and we were still very new on how to handle persecutors. We have since let her integrate back into the system regularly (no pun intended) and she hasn't been much of an issue, if any. She still holds some resentment for being shut out, but I couldn't blame her. I hope she learns to trust us again, though I understand if she couldn't. We were just as bad, if not worse than she was for doing that to her.

- 🦞💤

Being a system can be hard, sometimes you don't make the right decisions... I hope you all learn from that, and that the suzie alter is doing better <3

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Is it possible to be a RAMCOA survivor if not one specific person or group is abusing you in a specific time in your life? I dont know if this is worded correctly or if it makes sense, so apologies, I'm sort of all over the place because I was reading a RAMCOA carrd and i feel like a lot of the stuff I saw on there applies to us, but I'm not sure and I don't wanna mislabel anything rhrghjmg

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I mean.. RAMCOA does require organized and ritual abuse... which would mean it has to happen over and over again. I have heard that conditioning can happen unintentionally, correct me if I'm wrong on that, but programming due to it's severity has to be intentional.

Though I suppose if.. as long as you meet the conditions to be programmed and the people are doing it right.. I think it can consist of multiple unrelated groups/people..?

If anybody else has more information on this feel free to share your thoughts on this

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Heya just telling you to be careful of stupid silly girl or whatever their user is, apparently they can ask very invasive questions, is a TERF sympathizer, and openly talks abt reading books by Fritz Springmeier (a very problematic author)

already blocked them :P

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Hey feel free to delete this but I THINK the last ask was sent by a pro endo /info

yeah probably

we went checking the blog right after the ask and saw the sophie in wonderland reblog and eugh.

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Hi, I just wanted to say that, I am a trauma survivor, but I am not an RAMCOA survivor, & I don't have DID. However, I am trying to educate myself more about RAMCOA & DID. I feel like I relate to RAMCOA survivors and DID survivors because I myself have experienced a lot of trauma, & I want to be friends with those types of survivors because I feel like I can relate to them. & I also want to be a support person for RAMCOA & DID survivors, do you have any advice for me?

Hi! Yes I do!

I find it very weird that you are specifically "hunting" for people with RAMCOA/DID to be friends with when you yourself don't have it! I think it's incredibly creepy and like you see us as... "collectibles". There's ways to support RAMCOA/DID people WITHOUT hunting people with it to be friends with it.

Also I've seen an ask you sent to another blog and.. you seem incredibly misinformed, immature, and naive when it comes to this. I would recommend trying to broaden your research by reading resources about RAMCOA and what survivors have said on the matter.