What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.
You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself
but you killed everyone else around you too.
this need to be on everyone’s blog
this makes me think..
God bless whoever wrote this.
im crying
I never usually reblog things like this.. but if it saves just one persons life… please take thime to read this even if you think there is no point in living. Please.
I will always reblog this, because this without fail has saved someone’s life. I told someone the gist of this because they were on the verge of suicide and they were messaging me on twitter, so I messaged them telling them the part about family and friends finding out and their reactions, and they realized how much life they wanted to live. This is something I come back to whenever I think about it too. So please always reblog.
These are the thoughts that got me through my mid-teens. There were so many times when I thought “I’m gonna do it. I don’t want to be here anymore, there’s no point in me being here, I’m never going to amount to anything I might as well just end it now”, but then I thought about my mum, an what would happen when she found me and how I’d never be able to explain to her what was hurting me inside, that it wasn’t her fault, it was me my chemistry went wrong somewhere and all the light went away. I thought about my best friends. I imagined it being one of them, and how I would feel when I found out. I remembered my sister’s reaction when she was sixteen and she got a phone call saying that a boy in her year, a friend, had shot himself. And all those thoughts, the fact that I would spoil so many beautiful lives by ending mine, stopped me. I pushed myself onwards and I got a little better. I’m still sad sometimes, and I still haven’t spoken properly to any professionals who can help me, but I’ve had experiences in the last few years that have helped me to be happier, I’ve met people who have made my life worth loving again, I’ve rediscovered friendships that I now cherish with all my heart. I’m not back to better yet, but I’m getting there. And I never would have gotten this far if I’d ended it. I never would have found my best friends, I never would have fallen in love, and even though it hurts it’s a feeling I can’t describe, can’t compare to anything else.
My darkest times made me realise how beautiful life is, how amazing mine could be, and I’m looking forward to experiencing that.
And don’t forget,everyone (and i mean EVERYONE) has a purpose in this world so keep fighting
I remember hearing my friends screaming and crying down the hall when one of our friends, Taya, killed herself. I knew a day before everyone else because my Dad teaches at my high school. He got an email over the weekend and told me what had happened. I had my first breakdown a day before everyone else- so I just sobbed quietly when the announcement was made. I went to her family’s house and sat shiva (which is a Jewish period of mourning). Her older brother barely spoke, he just sobbed onto his father’s shoulder. Her mother cried and talked about her daughter constantly. Her father held his son tightly in his arms and talked about Taya’s mannerisms with tears sparkling in his eyes.
Until Taya’s death, I thought that no one would care if I died. But when almost 100 people showed up at her funeral- I took notice. When the counseling office was full of students for 3 weeks after her death- I took notice. I saw kids and teachers alike crying for her when they thought no one was looking. One of her teachers planted three trees in her name against the school district’s wishes. Always remember that you are wanted and loved, no matter what you may think. Taya thought everyone hated her- but she was so loved. People will care if you take your own life.
