Project Letting Go

The Project Letting Go is a typography exploration by Alejandra Porta based on series of words that have been haunting me. By sharing them to the world I am letting them go. This project was inspired when I watched Elle Luna's talk at Adobe Max. All...

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Highschool.

Is crazy how this that happened what 12 years ago it still haunts you. High school really messes you up. At 16 I switched from an catholic all girls school to the one of the preppiest school of Managua, it was challenging. I did things that were uncool just to fit in. I was really good at going with the flow and really just doing things without thinking on the consequences or how that will hurt others.  I egged one of my close friend house, I invented gossips about girls and sent them to the gossip column, obviously everyone found out as we did it from our home computer. I got drunk many times and told people that I didn't like their outfits, I made out with a bunch of kids from my class, I got a freaking nose job! Highshool still haunts me sometimes, and still regret everything I did, sometimes I make scenarios in my head of what would have happened if I wasn't like that. I apologized to everyone as the whole scenario was so embarrassing but when you think about it you can help but feel regret. Those are behavior of bulling. At the end is important to not follow the flow and have courage to confront social pressure. Not to make things to have social acceptance and have courage to be yourself. But then there is not point on looking back, it happened and I became a better person because of it. So Highschool I let you go! Lets not have any regrets. Do you have any moments of the past you want to let go?

PS: Last night I realized that I just deleted my whole LettingGoProject raw photos, where I had behind the scenes footage. Lesson Learned, triple back up everything! And don’t wait to edit things to post behind the scenes.

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ACL. Last Tuesday I hurt my meniscus. It's the second time this has happened. I was working on the 1st. Love type series on the floor the other day and when I got up I somehow I hurt it. So, I now have both ACL torn. I am not sure how it happened as I don't play any sports. For years I got angry about hurting my knee, as I can't join in on any sport teams at work, do any class that requires jumping or play volleyball at the beach. I have learned to live life without doing certain activities as I know will get injured. Last November I injured my meniscus, it was so bad I had to work from home for a whole month and I got really depressed and would cry often. This time, as I got up I knew what was happening. Usually I can pop it back in, but this time I couldn't and it hurt so much. I started panicking as didn't know what to do and ended up going to ER with my roommates (thank you, you guys are amazing!). We waited for 5 hours for the doctor to tell me that everything was fine that I just needed to rest. This time I have a better attitude, I am so happy I can walk still with one crutch, and I'm getting better so much faster by doing my exercises 3 times a day. ACL I am letting you go. There is no point to get angry and frustrated and cry. I need to take this seriously and really strengthen my knees to avoid any more injuries. Surgery is an option, but it is a 6 month recovery so I try to avoid it. What words or injuries are holding You back? PS: I made the type while I was waiting for my knee doctor. So I took it with my iphone.

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Integrity.

This past Tuesday, my dad was fired. He was the dean of faculty of Administrative sciences and economics at University Americana (UAM); he held that position for the last 7 years. The reason was because he didn't support our current government. This makes me really sad, because he was a stellar teacher, and a lot of people respected him. The university will loose a lot without him and it has created a lot of controversy at home; students have protested and articles have been published. I just wanted to share, the type of issues that we have at home. And take the opportunity to be grateful of where we live and how lucky we are. So for this one, I am not letting go of integrity but embracing it. I am lucky to have been raised by parents who stand up for what they believe in.

PS: I picked seeds to represent the beginning of something new as well as to represent how education are the seeds for a professional to be born. You educate with integrity.

You can read the article that he published here.

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1st. Love.

When you have a relationship of 5 years and you live together and then break up. It feels like a divorce. It has been so hard. There are moments that I wonder if I did the right thing. Mikey was the first person that loved me for real, above anything. He made me feel like I was the most special person. But I still wasn't happy. I realized that I wasn't happy with myself, and it wasn't fair for me to keep asking him to be someone else. Then I realized how much I lost and how much I just didn't appreciate him. But there is no point looking back and crying or wishing I should have. I need to move on. So first real love, I have to let you go. I need to live the moment now and can't look back, embrace new relationships and not compare, love who ever comes next for who they really are. Let's not have any regrets. Learn from previous relationships and be better in the next one. My first love will always have a big part of my heart.

PS: I made the type with tissue paper.

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Nicaragua.

This one has been haunting me since I moved to Canada 12 years ago. I never thought I would stay here this long. My plan was to come for university and go back. But the career I picked forced me to stay here, as at home I would make a maximum of 500$ a month. To get my permanent residency I needed a full time job after graduating. Once I obtained my PR and lived and worked in Canada for years I was eligible to apply to become a citizen. Now I have citizenship and I am scared as hell to go back home. I don’t know if I will adapt to the lifestyle. I find society is still really conservative; being gay or dating someone from a different ethnicity are still subjects of great controversy. I feel that I have grown apart from my family, which is really hard, as I only see them 2 weeks a year! My whole family is back home, so why am I here? Well I am happy here, it has become my new home. Nicaragua is also facing a really challenging political time right now, in where we have an authoritarian government. The economy is not improving and therefore limiting the opportunities to younger generations. So Nicaragua, I love you and I think you are a beautiful country with so much potential, but I will have to let you go for now. I consider myself lucky to have a Canadian citizenship, which I consider to be a global citizenship, that blurs the lines of borders and I want to take this as an advantage. My dream is to come up with a business idea that I can live half and half or permits me to go home more often. What is keeping you from doing what you truly want to do? What words are haunting you?

PS: In case you are wondering it took about 20 bananas to make this. I picked bananas referring to banana republic, which was a term that described underdeveloped countries that where ruled by dictatorships or mediocre leaders.

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Divorce.

When I was 5 my parents got divorced. I remember watching parent trap and wishing that would happen with them. I am 30 and this word still affects me. And don't get me wrong, I love my step mom and adore my siblings and I consider myself pretty lucky to have had so much love from both sides and that my parents still get along. But I have had a few instances that I wondered what would have happened? How would my life have been different? A psychologist told me once that a big part of my insecurities are caused of experiencing a divorce, it didn't matter if it was a bad divorce or not so bad divorce, the idea of not having your own home, creates insecurities.  I remember catching myself blaming my parents for it. But the truth is, I have control of my life I can control those insecurities, and my parents will never ever get back together. And yes, maybe because of this I don't believe in marriage. But also because of this, I understand that love is complicated and it is ok to grow up in a non-traditional (mom + dad) home. So divorce I have to let you go. Do you have word that you blame? What is it? Let it out. 

PS: I made this with liquid glue, and originally I was going to pick the word when It was still wet, but the next day I liked the effect of the dried glue. Is subtle, I call this happy accidents. Subtle like the the effects of divorce.

----------------- The Project Letting Go is a series of words that have been haunting me. By sharing them to the world I am letting them go. This was inspired when I watched #ElleLuna talk at #adobemax. All photos are taken with a fujifilm X-T10.

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ADD.

I have never been diagnosed by an expert that I have ADD. But the truth is I get distracted so easily. Sometimes I feel left out on jokes as it takes me a little longer to get, because I was not paying attention, or people make fun of me because of how distracted I can be. I have lost my passport the day before going back to Nicaragua for xmas and couldn't go home, lost a flight in Nicaragua (where the AirPort is tiny), missed my citizenship test because confused the time, and I could go on... There are moments that I get upsaid and feel dumb for it when they make fun of me. But ADD or whatever I have is called. I am letting you go! And embracing you and just enjoy the joys and laughs that you bring me, because of you I don't take myself too seriously. Embrace what makes you different! Do you have a word that you want to let go of?

PS: I made the words out of eyes wondering around, trying to represent distractions.

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The Project Letting Go is a series of words that have been haunting me. By sharing them to the world I am letting them go. This was inspired when I watched ‪#‎ElleLuna‬ talk at ‪#‎adobemax‬. All photos are taken with a fujifilm X-T10.

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Swear. In my house swearing was never a good thing. If you swear you were impolite. So, I hardly swear. But I find that people that swear are freer and less judgemental somehow. My friends find it funny when I swear as is not often. So swear politeness I let you go. And I encourage everyone to let their frustrations out and if you want to scream scream and if you want to swear just freaking swear! And who cares if it's impolite. Do you have a word that stops you from being who you really are? What is it let it out!

Ps: I made this with ground coffee to represent dirt as in like dirty words.

----------------- The Project Letting Go is a series of words that have been haunting me. By sharing them to the world I am letting them go. This was inspired when I watched#ElleLuna talk at #adobemax. All photos are taken with a fujifilm X-T10.

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QUIET.

I am taking singing lessons (with red is awesome!). I love them! It has been a lot of fun. But it made me released how self conscious I am, and how hard it is for me to Let Go. I laugh really loud, when I get excited my voice gets really high pitched and when I get mad I can be really loud. But when I am on the spotlight, oh man do I get tiny. Like when I am presenting, my voice goes really quiet and when you ask me to be loud I just get quieter. So why is it that when all the attention gets on me I get so quiet!? I know the loudness is in me. I just need to let it out! and be able to control it. So quiet I am letting you go, but this one will take more than just the word written out...So I have another side project that I will share with you. I will create a video series called: Releasing the loud in me. Where I will practice my singing notes in places that I would never dare to do it. And hopefully after that exercise I will be more confident and be able to really let go and sing loud!

PS: I already created my first video! Check out ReleasingTheLoudInme.tumblr.com

PS2: The type is made with glitter ribbon,  I picked red because is a loud colour.

PS3: The video is not edited, don't expect something amazing, it was just an exercise to get me to practice at my place with people around.

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Tattoo.

When I asked my aunt, who I admire a lot and love her style about what she thought of tattoos she said: I like them and they look good and they are great in bigger cities but if you come back to Nicaragua it won't be seen good. You know if you pay attention princess don't have tattoos! Oh man when she said that I understood, how I was letting those "values or rules" dictate how to be and they would haunt me down. So as a tattoo Virgin I am letting go of this one! And Fuck Princesses! PS: I wanted the type to look hand done and similar to my hand writing. Thank you @caspermacabre_tattoos. I ♥ so much! PS 2: It was so empowering to post this photo yesterday on my family wassap group and say, Hey FYI I got a tattoo. I know you won't like it and won't approve of it, but I don't care. I like it!

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School.

I mentioned briefly that I spent all my savings going back to school. Literally I had 35,000 cash and it all got spent at VFS. Because I had enough money in the bank I didn't get much of a loan, which would have been smarter as interests are really low. This back and forth thought of should I have spent all that money for school? Wouldn't it have been better if I used it for my own business? or bought property? That thought haunts me and sometimes I gets me paralyzed.The decision to go back to school was fast! I did do a list of pros and cons if to go back to school for interactive design or do a masters in textiles in London or jewelry in Milan. Because I have always been more on the practical side interactive design was my choice. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my decision, I just don't think I did it the smartest way. But anyways, I have to let that go, the money is GONE! and I need to move on and slowly save up again. Yes people save! I try to save a 3rd of my paycheck every month. 

PS: If you are wondering, Is about 300$ in 20$ bills. Why 20$s? no reason, is just what the bank machine gives me. Why the L on 5$? I just ran out of 20s.

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Nails.

I grew up with the idea that nails should always be short and natural skin colour, red, bright colours were vulgar. There was a moment that I didn't care about that and experimented with bright colours but remember having a certain look that implied its vulgar. I let that get to me and since my grandma passed away I swore to myself not to wear colour nails again. And have been wearing them natural ever since, except for occasions that as a group because you are part of a bridal party you don't want to be complicated and go with the colour that other people are going with. But I do find that nails are a way of expressing your emotions and have fun with it! So nude nails I let you go! And will paint my nails the colours I want when I want. 

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Surgery.

Some of you know some of you don't. I have had 2 plastic surgeries and I am only 30! My first one was when I was freaking 16! I had a nose job. And my second one was when I was 25 I had a breast reduction. And oh man have these two haunted me down. Is so embarrassing to say you had a nose job at 16 like really? How messed up is that!! I wondered if my life would have been different and why did I do it? It wasn't even that big? The reality is that you will always find something else that will bother you about yourself, surgery is not the answer! And it takes more courage to love yourself for who you are than to have fucking surgery. So for all the people that are contemplating about plastic surgery don't do it. You might regret it after. I know I do. All those "imperfections" are what makes you who you are. So surgery I am letting you. I can't take you back but I have to move on and embrace that I did it and not keep beating myself up for it. Don't let past events stop you from moving ok.

PS: The type is made out of raw chicken.

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Etiquette.

I grew up with the idea of "bitting ice is bad for your teeth, is doesn't look good" or "elbows in the table is wrong". And you can't help but judge other people when they do that. And I have a constant battle with my self as I have lived in Toronto for 10 years and my best friends are from other cultures or were taught differently and what we think is polite for them is not and vice versa. So F*ck etiquette and judgement of etiquette! And embrace eating with hands and slurping when having soup and eating with elbows on the table and enjoying the chewing ice when you want to. Just enjoy the moment and enjoy the food and who you are sharing it with! PS: I made the type licking the plate! I have video as proof.

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Kids. As I wrote in my previous post I am almost 30. And 30s come with social pressure especially if you are a woman of getting married, having kids, starting a family and so on... I am so not ready for any of it! I don't even have a significant other. I used to be on the belief that having kids was the most beautiful thing in the world and it is a love that you will never experience otherwise. As I grew older I realized that to raise a kid properly with love and respect you need to be so good with your self, and I don't want to create more disturbed people, the world is full of them. So, now for the first time in my life I am saying, I don't want kids, at least for now. And kids I am letting you go. And I encourage everyone to do so, and only have kids when you are truly ready and not because society tells you to. I know I will.

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Thirties. 

This year has been a hard year. I am 29 and I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and had to figure out who Am I again? In an completely different city, Vancouver, far away from family in Nicaragua and family in Toronto (friends of 10 years) I didn't realize I was depressed! I wasn't inspired, all I wanted to do when I would come home from work was watching TV. And the idea of turning 30 was daunting! Fuck, I have nothing figured out! I still rent, I still have a full-time job, I am still figuring out my passion. I don't have a relationship, no big savings (all my savings were spent going back to school) It's nerve racking! Now more motivated than ever. 20s I am letting you go and As I turn 30on Nov 6. I say bring it on 30s I am ready for you!

PS: I handwrote the type on the cake. Fun fact it took about 2 weeks to finish the ice cream cake! so yummy! And no when I did this my birthday was still like a month away.

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Slim.

This one is a big one that has been haunting me since teenage years.  When I was in highschool and beginning of University.  I was really slim and had the "ideal weight" but the truth is that I was suffering from bulimia and I have been struggling with weight for the past 29 years. Because I grew up with the idea that being slim = pretty. So slim I am letting you go! And I encourage everyone to do so!! So I say fuck being slim and weight watchers, and sugar cleanses, juice cleanses, detoxes, Kaylafitness, personal trainers, and scales and everything I have freaking tried to get to the "ideal weight" and YES to loving myself for who I am and the size I am! Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy eating without thinking of the calories or fat! I know I will!

Photo taken with Fujifilm X-T10 that we got Adobe MAX Thank you!! And edited with Adobe Photoshop Lightroom mobile app  

PS: Everything got eaten immediately after the photo was taken! With help of roommates. Yummy Bacooon.