guardian

learn to live with it. i did. low activity

[olament]

Hi, it’s topaz. Until I have more time and focus or sessionbox starts working again… I have moved all my FF XIV muses onto this blog aside from Roi. That includes

Thancred Waters / G’raha Tia / The Crystal Exarch / Zerah Aria / Violette Roux / Z’jeht Tia

[protectorfailed]

@oraclesblessing​

 “Ryne, I... We need to talk about something.” They had been too busy to think on it. But it seemed like, if all went well, soon the Scions would return home. As far as he knew, there was no way to take Ryne along with them. If he stayed, he would die. It was a cruel fate, was it not? For the first time in a long time, he had a reason to live. And now he would be forced to abandon her. Mayhap a part of him, all this time, truly believed there would be no returning. But if the Exarch was close to finding a way, then he would have to believe him. He wasn’t wont to talk about his feelings. But he was trying to get better at it, for her sake. And so he figured it would be best to talk about it before the final hour. Or else he could regret it forever. “But if you would rather not do so, a later time will work.” He adds on. A cowardly way of him hoping SHE would back out. Still as pathetic and immature as ever. 

[protectorfailed]

PSA: 

As many of you know, I am Bipolar II. My condition is only slightly controlled, as I do not have medical insurance lol. BUT, this is important okay? Thancred, Roi, and Zerah all share huge negative traits with me. Thancred with his self-loathing and tendency to blame himself. Roi with his, again, self-loathing, self-destruction, and rage. And Zerah with his trauma. That being said, I will formally announce that I will avoid these specific blogs when I feel depression trying to come over me. Writing these muses and getting into their heads, at times, makes my depression worse and lowkey triggers me. Roi does it the LEAST since my depression tends to give me muse for him. Zerah and Thancred both have a tendency to make me lower if I’m on my way down. So to that end, these two blogs will always be low-activity. I love the muses more than I can say (esp Zerah. He’s my son) but the content can sometimes trigger me. If low activity is an issue for you, feel free to not interact. 

[protectorfailed]

@leveilleuralisaie​

 “I know you don’t want to hear this from me.” It’s rare for Thancred to meet with the others. Ever since arriving in the First, he had been fighting. He simply feels more comfortable behind enemy lines. It eased up a bit when he found Minfilia, of course. He had to train her and protect her. She was only a child and his blatant disregard for his own safety did not persist as much when he had someone to look out for. As their recent journey led them to Amh Areng, he decided to check up on his old friend. He decided to meet up in Mord Souq, not wanting to bring Minfilia to the inn. As... Minfilia... It would be difficult for her to not want to do something. She had not yet learned that sometimes nothing can be done. A lesson the world will always teach, eventually. He would keep this brief. Alisaie is a busy girl, after all. “But you cannot keep blaming yourself for your parting. Our friend is still alive if you can trust the Exarch. Running yourself ragged like this is beyond foolish.” 

[protectorfailed]

@fatum-praedixi​

 “Something amiss?” He’s drunk. Though he can brag that he has gotten far better at functioning in such a state. If not for one or two indicators (like the near-empty bottle of whiskey beside him) one could hardly tell. Ever since his possession, it had been a sort of downward spiral. He, first, was unable to sleep. That was when the drinking started. Staying busy with work so he couldn’t think did little to aid him in that regard. He had quit drinking before the whole mess, and when he has forgotten about it, he will quit again. It’s no big deal. But now the Warrior of Light is staring him down. How well can she see again? He can’t truly remember. Hopefully, her sense of smell isn’t overly sharp. He smells like alcohol. “If you need help with something, you need only ask. I’ve finished all my duties for the day.” 

[protectorfailed]

@crystalizedallagan​

  “I hope you don’t mind me getting straight to the point.” He had heard much about the miqo’te pushing himself. Refusing to take breaks, even while in pain. While he would be quite to a hypocrite to scold him, himself, word had reached Ryne of the ordeal. And Ryne had sent him in her place to lecture him into submission. While he did argue that she was better suited to such a thing, she insisted that the Exarch would not listen to her and that he should try first. It would do no good for the ‘king’ of lakeland to die right as the world was (hopefully) improving. 

  “And to be quite frank, you look terrible. The others have all decided to rest. Why don’t you do the same?” He could almost laugh at the irony. He can relate to the other. He also needed to be dragged away from work, kicking and screaming. But the other did look a mess. “If you would, I do have something to speak to you about.” 

[rpmusings-galore]

                                          &&  i found myself  c r a v i n g  touch 

                                                        a c h i n g  to be held

                                                         if only for a moment

[protectorfailed]

Like for a (probably short) starter.

[drawingthelines]

should the time come where we are worlds apart, know that you and i will always be family

[lyra-kotto-deactivated20250328]

Farewell

Twitter

[allageyed-archive]

//Caught up on msq. I'll tag everything with '5.2 spoilers' for the next month or so.

[protectorfailed]

Like for a (probably short) starter.

[allageyed-archive]

I'm putting all my blogs on semi-hiatus for personal reasons. Sorry for the inconvenience. My mental health and physical health have been shit lately. If you want to contact me, do so on discord. topaz#2296

[protectorfailed]

HOELUN

AN UNBELIEVABLE TALE. Hoelun detects no lie in his eyes; Thancred doesn’t try to deceive her. He didn’t abandon her for months because he didn’t care about her; his soul left no only his body but their world as well. She wonders if he was alone all this time or if some of the scions accompanied him during his journey. SO MANY QUESTIONS. Yet, now is not the time for her to ask him to narrate his adventure. He needs REASSURANCE as much as she does; even if he was away, she didn’t forget him. Having a baby didn’t erase her feelings for the gunbreaker; he still owes her heart — &. a secret she cannot share with him. Still, she gently cups his face with both her hands; a soft smile plastered on her lips. He doesn’t need to worry — she won’t push him away. Not when she has been waiting for his return for so long. 

❛ I believe you, Thancred. I — I know we’re both spies and liars but—but in my heart, I know you wouldn’t lie to me. No matter how crazy your story sounds, I know it’s the truth and I hope that one day, you’ll tell me everything that happened to you during those five years. ❜ She presses their foreheads together for a moment before freeing him from her grip. Her smile becomes shier as she realizes the boldness of her move and she nervously toys with a strand of hair before placing both of her hands on her knees. She can deceive the whole empire and yet, she feels like a stupid teenager around Thancred. She always makes a fool of herself. ❛ You don’t have to apologize. I’m happy you’ve come to see me. I truly am, even if it was one of the reckless things you have ever done. ❜  She laughs quietly as she playfully pokes his shoulder. Deep down, she can’t help but feel SPECIAL at the mere thought that he would go through all this hardship just to see her. Her heart begins to race inside her chest —- &. a glimpse of happiness in her gloomy existence. 

  For the smallest moment, he is lost within his thoughts. Guilt, sorrow, & anger. That familiar sea of anguish that he drowns in too often. He had become so bad at hiding it. He wonders if she can feel him sink. But that is all cast away when she gently touches his face. 

  Yes. They are both liars. Had he ever lied to her? No. Not really. Mayhap he had been less than honest about some things. Like how much he cared about her. But that would only complicate things. Not to mention he... had been being less than honest with himself as well. He hadn’t realized how much he cared. Even if he had, he pushed those thoughts away. Getting involved with him was not in her best interest. But she isn’t exactly living a safe life as a double agent here. He wonders if he will ever tell her everything. He wants to. As strange as it is. There is a call in his heart. Their foreheads press together and he LONGS to kiss her. Would it be foolish? Oh, did he truly long for her this entire time? He had missed her. He isn’t sure exactly how he feels. But he knows that she is special. 

   She pulls away and he can’t help but smile, just a little bit. She acts so bold, and then shy. It’s cute. He keeps his hands to himself, even if he truly wants to pull her closer to him yet again. It was risky, damn stupid. He was here to ask a question that he was afraid to ask. Let them moment stay calm for just a moment longer. 

 “I’ll tell you everything.” He says, his tone stronger than before. She has given him strength in a way that she cannot fathom. He does not deserve her kindness, but he is glad to be here. He wonders what Ryne would think of his little... whatever it was, with her. The heart is foolish, isn’t it? Thinking of some sort of future now, when everything is so uncertain. “I promise Hoelun.” He reaches out, fingers resting gently upon her cheek.

“Thank you... For believing in me.” 

[ofthemuses]

Halsey’s MANIC (2020) Sentence Meme

Ashley

“I can’t remember why the decision wasn’t mine.”

“Took my heart and sold it out.”

“I only wanna die someday.”

“When I burst into flames I’ll leave you the dust, my love.”

“I told you I’d spill my guts.”

“Seems like now it’s impossible to work this out.”

“Is it really that strange if I always wanna change?“

“if only the time and space between us wasn’t lonely.”

“I think I’m making a mistake.”

“But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?“

“I told you I’d ride this out.”

Clementine

“And in my world, the people on the street don’t know my name.”

“Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?“

“'Cause I don’t need anyone.”

“I just need everyone and then some.”

“The blush in your cheeks says that you bleed like me.”

“And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you.”

Graveyard

“It’s crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment.”

“I keep digging myself down deeper.”

“I won’t stop till I get where you are.”

“They say I may be making a mistake.”

“I know when you godown all your darkest roads, I woulda followed all the way to the graveyard.”

“I keep running when both my feet hurt.”

“Oh, it’s funny how the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies.”

You Should Be Sad

“I gotta get it off my chest.”

“Got no anger, got no malice. Just a little bit of regret.”

“you’re not half the man you think that you are.”

“you can’t fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars.”

“I’m so glad I never ever had a baby with you.”

“you can’t love nothing unless there’s something in it for you.”

“I feel so sorry.”

“I feel so sad.”

“I tried to help you. It just made you mad.”

“And I had no warning about who you are.”

“Won’t see your alligator tears. ‘Cause, no, I’ve had enough of them.”

“I really meant well from the start.”

“You should be sad.”

Forever … (is a long time)

“I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic.”

“I curse my tongue for being mean.”

“'Cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it.”

“What am I thinking? What does this mean?“

“How could somebody ever love me?”

“Talk to your man, tell him he’s got bad news coming.”

Dominic’s Interlude

“Your eyes are fragile and timeless.”

“There’s power in the words you whisper.”

“Your eyes are drawn to the worthless.”

“You should know there’s power in the words you’re thinking.”

“You can take a chance, come take my hand.”

I HATE EVERYBODY

“I’m my own biggest enemy.”

“Yeah, all my empathy’s a disaster.”

“My friends are getting bored of me.”

“I don’t know what they all think of me.”

“But in reality, I don’t even remember anything but thinking you’re the one.”

“And really I could fall in love with anybody who don’t want me.”

“I know I’ve got a tendency to exaggerate what I’m seeing.”

“I know that it’s unfair on me to make a memory out of a feeling.”

“If I could make you love me, maybe you could make me love me.”

3am

“Darling, I just left the bar.”

“Think I took it way too far.”

“My insecurities are hurting me.”

“Someone, please come and flirt with me.”

“I really need a mirror that’ll come along and tell me that I’m fine.”

“Come on and make me feel alright again.”

“I know it’s complicated ‘cause everyone that I’ve dated says they hate it ‘cause they don’t know what to do with me.”

“Know that my identity’s always gettin’ the best of me.”

“I’m the worst of my enemies and I don’t really know what to do with me.”

“And will you please pick up the fucking phone?”

Without Me

“Found you when your heart was broke.”

“Took it so far to keep you close.”

“I was afraid to leave you on your own.”

“I said I’d catch you if you fall.”

“And if they laugh, then fuck ‘em all.”

“Just so you could take advantage of me.”

“You know I’m the one who put you up there.”

“Just running from the demons in your mind.”

“I didn’t notice 'cause my love was blind.”

“Tell me, how’s it feel sittin’ up there?“

“You don’t have to say just what you did. I already know.”

Finally // Beautiful Stranger

“Your eyes, so crystal green.”

“And I wonder if you’d like to meet.”

“Your voice is velvet through a telephone.”

“I wonder if you’d take it slow.”

“I’ve never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss and I’m terrified, but I can’t resist.”

“I know that beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong.”

“But I think it’s finally safe for me to fall.”

“I’ve never recognized a purer face.”

“You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place.”

“Used to think that loving meant a painful chase but you’re right here now and I think you’ll stay.”

Alanis’ Interlude

“I could be a better man.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

“And I have never felt the difference.”

“Bad news, think I’ll probably die before I have you.”

“But I live for loving impolite.”

killing boys

“Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wise.”

“So we’ll sneak in the back and then we’ll kick in the door.”

“Tell me have you ever keyed a Ferrari before?”

“And I’m not breaking, I won’t take it.”

“And I won’t ever feel this way again.”

“'Cause you don’t need me anymore.”

“And all I want in return is revenge.”

“I don’t need you anymore.”

SUGA’s Interlude 

“I been trying all my life to separate the time in between the having it all and giving it up.”

“This wandering, with only blueness inside my head.”

“Self-loathing and pride live in my heart.”

“I was full of dreams, then I grew and made all of it come true.”

“keeping dreams as dreams would be better.”

“The dawn before sunrise is darker than anything.”

“But never forget the stars you hope for only appear in the dark.”

“I wonder what’s in store if I don’t love it anymore.”

“Is it even right? It’s honestly different to the future I had hoped for.”

“It doesn’t matter, now it’s a matter of survival.”

“It may be different to what you were hoping for.”

“We are too young to be hesitating, just run head-on onto it.”

“So what you gonna do?“

More

“They told me once nothing grows when a house ain’t a home.”

“Wanna scream but what’s the use?“

“I just can’t take it no more.”

“They told me it’s useless.”

“There’s no hope in store.”

“But somehow I just want you more.”

“Wonder will we ever meet?“

“'Cause I still believe it won’t be like before.”

“And when you decide it’s your time to arrive. I’ve loved you for all of my life.”

“And nothing could stop me from giving a try.”

“I’ve loved you for all of my life.”

Still Learning

“I should be living the dream.”

“I got a paranoia in me.”

“And you wouldn’t believe everything that I’ve seen.”

“And no one around me knows who I am, what I’m on, who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone.”

“I know that I’ve done some wrong but I’m trying to make it right.”

“Did the one I love do me wrong?”

“Give me up right now.”

“I know that I love you but I’m still learning to love myself.”

“ I go home and I got no self-esteem.”

“No man wants to really commit.”

“I try to be a man but sometimes if I breathe it’s alright.”

“Some things don’t change.”

929

“Well, who am I?”

“Can’t remember half the time that I’ve been alive.”

“Don’t meet your heroes, they’re all fucking weirdos.”

“Because nobody loves you, they just try to fuck you.”

“Oh my God, there’s no way that’s me”

“And I quit smoking, well recently I tried.”

“____ you gotta promise us that you won’t die ‘cause we need you.“ 

“I lost the love of my life to an ivory powder.”

“But then I realise that I’m no higher power.”

“That I wasn’t in love then and I’m still not now and I’m so happy I figured that out.”

“I’ve got a long way to go until self-preservation.”

“Think my moral compass is on a vacation.”

“And I can’t believe I still feed my fucking temptation.”

“And I’m still looking for my salvation.”

[allageyed-archive]

My current blogs, again, for new people

Crystal Exarch / You know who he is if you follow that blog but if not do not follow it. 

Warrior of Light, Roi Coello. Angry boi. Sad boi. Dark Knight. Will (ง'̀-‘́)ง 

U’zerah Aria. Scion OC. Triggering backstory so read at your own risk. Soft boi tho. lots of love to give

Thancred Waters. Look another angry sad boi. I do not have a type wtf. 

[mythicalheartbeat]

Ships with height differences. Reblog if you agree