in those moments
draco malfoy can't breathe.
he's back in the moment when the fiendfyre is cast, and crabbe, stupid crabbe, he burns the room up where draco can't to get to him, can't to save him from himself. he's cried over his lost friend, tried countless times to find his body back in the room of requirement, all with no success. he can not do anything but regret his decisions as a child, regret his stupidity, regret being the force that pulled his friends behind him into the dark hole of misery and torture.
draco malfoy can't breathe.
he's back in the moment when the dark lord stands, watching charity burbage, the innocent, kind muggle studies professor, scream and writhe in pain as she hangs suspended from the ceiling. he watches as the dark lord approaches his father, his voice deadly and quiet as he demands his wand. he watches her torture until she falls, dead. he struggles to keep his face from showing emotion, the empathy, the horror, the sadness he feels, as he's been brought up being taught to hide them.
draco malfoy can't breathe
he's back in the moment in third year in professor lupin's classroom when the boggarts show. he breathes with relief when his turn does not come, so thankful that the whole classroom would not be able to see that the calm, the unbothered, the high and mighty draco malfoy's biggest fear was the dark lord keeping his mother, bringing screams to her lips, torturing her until she craved death, begged for it. he couldn't bear the idea of his peers seeing his beautiful, respected mother in pain, on her knees for mercy.
draco malfoy can't breathe
he's back in the moment when he faces albus dumbledore, a man who he respects, looks up to more than he can express. his fingers tremble around the elder wand, his mind knowing his obligations, but his heart aching as he splits into pieces trying not to cry. he knows he won't be able to go through with it, won't be able to do as he must which will only result in painful death for him and his family. he is almost grateful when severus comes to do the job for him, before he realizes what will truly be lost in this awful war.
draco malfoy can't breathe
he's back in this moment, watching the final fight knowing that if voldemort wins, he will never be happy, he will never escape from this terrible requirement that he must fulfill. he sees harry potter, stupid, noble, incredibly brave and loyal harry potter, and instantaneously regrets ever curse he's thrown in his direction, every bitter word, every self righteous sneer. he finds the longing, the desperate hope that harry potter will win now, when it matters most. he cannot even bring himself to care about the dishonor that it will bring to the family, he is just desperate to have a chance to right his wrongs.
