— ingenue

she that had no need of me, is a little lonely child lost in hell —PERSEPHONE.

[dmafdfm-deactivated20180313]

                               death doesn’t discriminate                                between the sinners                                and the saints

                                                                               it takes and it takes and it takes                                                                     and we keep living anyway

                        we RISE and we FALL                         and we ( b r e a k )                         and we make our mistakes

                                                         and if there’s a reason I’m STILL ALIVE                                                          when everyone who loves me has died

                           {     - — –        i’m willing to wait for it     }

[prsephonc]

in the moments of her death, persephone wants to say she felt no suffering. she wants to say she died calmly. that it happened as she slept. that she felt nothing.

however, that would be a lie.

persephone could feel her brain imploding. 

the pain had been almost nonexistent. it was so small she could’ve ignored it. when suddenly, it grew twice in size. then, quadrupled. and so on so forth.

--

with the clearest, bluest eyes, persephone looked up at her mother. despite the tiredness in her face, she was pretty in her youth. she’s less pretty now, more tired. but to the little girl, morrigan was and would always be the most beautiful woman in the world.

" who's the prettiest ? " morrigan cooed, looking at her baby girl with all the love in the world.

the girl giggled. then, " mama, " she gurgled.

she’s greeted with a gasp from her mother. the girl does not understand the magnitude the word has on the eighteen year old. to her, they sound like another string in incoherent babbles. to morrigan, those are her first words.

--

“ persephone rhea !! “ la mére shouted.

immediately, persephone froze. she threw a sheepish grin at the elderly lady over her shoulder. la mére took her time to catch up to the child, and purposely made the walk an excruciating pace. persephone quickly circled back to take the woman gently by the arm. sure, she is not what she used to be, but la mére was young enough. “ désolé, mére. “

no, this should’ve been clarified earlier, la mére is not her actual mother. la mére is a fond name for the innkeeper who took persephone and her mother in. while her mother was out learning, persephone was out with la mére. she was like the grandmother persephone never had.

the little girl thinks, if her days are filled with maman and la mére, her life will have been happy.

--

she never thought the tears would cease. after la mére died, persephone thought she was destined to be unhappy. somehow, however, she survived.

how does she survive now ? 

--

persephone giggled loudly-- too loud. her hand immediately went to her mouth in an attempt to suppress the laugh. for good measure, catalina swatted her in the arm. it didn’t help. in fact, it did the opposite. the laugh escaped again, and soon catalina was laughing too loudly too. 

the butcher’s son, urey, looked at them curiously.

she remembers his blond hair, his calloused hands. 

--

as she sat in the tub, filled with water and lilac soap, persephone scrubbed harshly at her skin. she did not stop until it had gotten to the point in which her skin might bleed. she had to get it off. she needed the scent off of her. the feeling off of her. 

persephone will always remember this moment with such clarity. this is the first time a patient dies within her arms. she knows because she washes herself each time someone dies on her watch and this is the first time and last time she’s allowed her skin to rub raw.

--

calloused hands tucked a stray hair behind her ear. the girl blushed. the boy blushed. 

“ it was in your face, “ urey said.

persephone smiled warmly, “ thank you. “ 

the two stand in a silence, both looking like they have something to say. persephone finally decided to speak up, but just as she opened her mouth to speak, he did too. she gave him way. 

“ don’t forget me in the new world, huh ? “ 

at that, she shook her head with a laugh, “ i could hardly imagine that. “ 

will he forget her ?

--

" well, lassy," miss -- missus ? -- hamilton said as she loaded the last of the boxes onto the wagon, " think of the bright side. you might find the favour of a rich bearorian duke. gods know you're pretty enough for it. "

persephone of the past giggled in reply. persephone of the now cringes. had she truly been so vapid ?

missus hamilton waggled a stern finger at her, " now you behave for your mother. across that sea, you've only got each other. "

the smile faltered. she does not miss miss hamilton.

--

her smile widens as the beautiful boy man reaches atop his stead to hand her a flower. persephone squeezes catalina’s hand excitedly. the smile on her lips is obvious. it’s beautiful and perfect and it’s all she’s ever wanted. 

all she’s ever wanted was to hold kitty’s hand.

--

she gasped as the pirate roughly grabbed her hair. the scream escapes her lips before she even realizes it. dully, persephone hears the echo of her skull crashing against the stone wall. there’s a moment of complete silence before she realizes.

her.

head.

hurts.

will the pounding ever stop ?

--

she squeezes the hand of her father and looks into the eyes they share. the ones made cut of ice clearer than anything found in norden. she thinks it's funny he's from the land of fire and dragons when one look into their eyes screams otherwise.

she wishes they had more time together.

she wishes she had heard their stories.

" papa, "

those are her last words.

it’s the beginning of a thought. it’s the end of her life. 

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

alexanderbowman:

Something was very obviously wrong. Persephone wasn’t responding to anything either of them had said, and the whimper that left her sent a chill down Alex’s spine. The next look he shot Morrigan was one of significantly more fear as panic began to set in. But still, he tried to breathe, tried to tell himself that he was overreacting and that all their daughter needed was perhaps some medication and a bit more sleep. “Persephone. Squeeze my hand if you can hear what we’re saying,” he said softly, wrapping his fingers firmly around her much littler ones.

There is a wretched feeling of dread crawling up Morrigan’s back, and even as she shudders she can’t quite shake it off. “Persephone,” She says again, this time louder and more clearly. She could feel Alexander’s gaze falling on her, but when she meets it with worry shining in her own eyes, she can’t muster any reassurances. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

she squeezes his hand. six. sick. stop. her mouth is dry. she wants to speak. she wants to live. she doesn't want to worry them. she wants to sleep. she looks at her mother. her beautiful, beautiful mother. she shakes her head-- no, maman. this is it. this is no matter of will. she is dying today and it's not because she wants to. she tries to smile for her, pretend it doesn't hurt but it does. it hurts so much. her hands clench. oh, she's still holding her father's hand. she meets his eyes. he looks so sad. now, she is sad. " papa, " she manages to choke out. please don't tell maman. please smile. please don't be sad. then, her hand goes slack.

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

alexanderbowman:

Alexander had just been about to attempt at offering Morrigan some sense of comfort in the midst of so much chaos when Persephone stirred. His gaze flickered over to her immediately, and he gave her hand a squeeze. “Persephone, can you hear me?” he asked, and then his hand shot forward to her shoulder to try to gently hold her in place. “No, don’t try to sit up.” Alex looked back up at Morrigan, his eyes holding a mixture of joy and fear: joy at the sight of their daughter waking up, fear at the sight of just how weak her head injury had made her.

At the sound of Persephone’s voice, all other thoughts vanished from her mind. No longer was Morrigan dwelling on the fact she had taken a life today, those worries could wait. Instead her sole attention was on her daughter. She may be eighteen, but to her mother she’d always be a little girl. Her little girl. “Persephone, my love. It’s Maman, and Papa.” It was easy to refer to Alexander as such now, the awkwardness of the initial revelation having mostly passed. Morrigan brushed some hair off of Persephone’s face. “Sweetheart, do you know where you are and what happened? Can you count backwards from twenty?” She held up a hand in front of her daughter’s face with three fingers showing. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

she sees six fingers and black spots and she knows that’s wrong. something is very, very wrong. the heartbeat quickens as her hand tightens around alexander’s. breathing is so much harder. she’s not sure if it’s because she panicking or if it’s because her body is rejecting her. she shakes her head ( it barely looks like she moved at all ). she’s asking too many questions. maman, you are asking too many questions. there’s too much noise. papa, please you’re too loud. a whimper escapes her lips.

[essentialtremor]

Be to her, Persephone, All the things I might not be; Take her head upon your knee. She that was so proud and wild, Flippant, arrogant, and free, She that had no need of me, Is a lonely little child Lost in Hell, - Persephone, Take her head upon your knee; Say to her, “My dear, my dear, It is not so dreadful here.”

Prayer to Persephone, Edna St. Vincent Millay (via essentialtremor)

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

alexanderbowman:

After being assured a million times by Morrigan that Persephone would be taken care of and would be just fine, Alexander had reluctantly left both of them to go find Emeline and make sure his queen was okay. Once that was taken care of, there wasn’t a single thing in the world that would keep him from going back to Persephone. Within the same hour he left, he was again at her side, sitting by her cot and holding her tiny hand in his own. She looked so soft and innocent laying there, and his heart broke for her. She was the last person that deserved to be hurt by those savages. As he sat and waited for her to wake up, his eyes ended up on Morrigan again, and he suddenly remembered that the two of them had both taken lives that morning. He wondered if that was taking a toll on her. “How are you?” he asked her, his voice weak and his eyes empty of anything but concern and exhaustion.

Morrigan’s reassurances were as much for her own benefit as the were for Alexander. She was a trained professional with years of experience, but she was first and foremost a mother who was stricken with worry for her precious little girl. Head wounds were some of the trickiest injuries to deal with, because sometimes the worst of the damage couldn’t be seen or treated. Morrigan waved Alexander away so he could see to his duties, and swiftly got to work caring for Persephone. She cleaned the wound with wine-soaked cloth and wrapped a bandage around the girl’s head. Now there was nothing to do but wait and see if her daughter began to show symptoms of a more severe head wound. When Alexander returned, Morrigan was sitting on the edge of Persephone’s bed rubbing her arm comfortingly. Her gaze flickered up to Alex. “Honestly? The worst I’ve ever been.”

“ what’s the worst ?? “ persephone mumbled groggily. the girl licked her lips loudly as she tried open her heavy eyes. it was a difficult task, but she was making some progress. the girl tried to sit up, but as soon as she tried moving her neck, a loud groan escaped her lips. only then did she realize that something was wrong with her. was she in a patient bed ? was that why her head was pounding ? who was holding her hand ? gods above, she wanted to go back to sleep.

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

“What, a daughter who has a cold heart? One who cares only of herself? Dearest, if Alexander was the type of man who would be displeased by the type of person you grew to be then I would have never gotten close enough to him for you to be conceived.“ Morrigan wanted to let out a laugh, honestly. It was remarkable how quickly and easily Persephone worked herself up. “I can say with certainty that your father couldn’t treasure you more if he tried.” She wondered if Alexander had revealed to their daughter that she was his one and only chance at parenthood. “And as for the Bowman lands, no one will force you to do anything you don’t want to. I won’t allow it. I’m sure Alexander has already secured the future of his lordship with a distant relative.” Morrigan pushed her ale to the side and reached out to stroke Persephone’s hair. “Please breathe, my sweet.”

persephone lets out a strangled noise. “ perhaps not a daughter with a heart crafted from norden ice, but perhaps a daughter who was graceful and lithe, “ the emotion was thick in her voice. “ one who did not slip in the mud every other day. or, one who somehow injured herself with every patient she treated. “ the girl sighed heavily. “ he treasures me because i am his only child. i receive all his love by default. just as i receive all YOUR love as default, maman. “

[prsephonc]

alexanderbowman:

He tried to ignore the worry that twisted in his gut when Persephone admitted Morrigan had spoken a bit of him. What had his first love told their daughter? What perspective had Persphone already formulated about him? But Morrigan wasn’t the type to be petty and throw him under the bus, and he felt the tension in his shoulders evaporate as the young woman in front of him continued speaking. “All of that is true,” he admitted, his voice quiet. “Your mother is the first woman I ever loved. She’s one of the reasons why I was able to resist becoming the hardened, cynical version of myself that my father wanted me to be. I owe her a lot for that.” Bright blue eyes darkened a bit as a tinge of sadness invaded suddenly. “Deep down I know she made the best decision she could in her circumstances, but… I wish I could have known you all this time.”

her father’s words brought a smile to her lips. the furrow in her brow smoothed as she went to take his hand. “ i am glad you understand her choices. while i ALSO wish i had you in my childhood, i should be grateful that i am meeting you at all. “ the identity of her father always seemed like something her mother would take to her grave. “ i never thought i’d get the chance, in all truth. “

[prsephonc]

stcassia:

she’d be a liar to say she can relate, so she doesn’t. cassia listens instead, smirking as she tries to hold back ny further laughter. it’s a funny situation, objectively, but there’s really no time to revel in it. ”we need you here, i’m glad you weren’t any more hurt than you are.” extending a helping hand, both literally and figuratively, she holds out the clean cloth toward her fellow nurse. ”clumsiness isn’t a vice. generalizations are though, aren’t they? you’re fine. i can’t imagine anyone else would be up at this hour to witness it lest they’ve got something else they ought to be doing.”

“ thank you, “  she replies with a sweet smile-- her dimples poignant. persephone accepts the cloth gratefully from the other nurse and attempts to make a number on her dirtied dress. the chances it will be successful is very slim, but she’s not one to turn down a helping hand. “ that IS true. at least my mother is not here. “  the young girl shivers visibly, “ gods above, i would NOT be able to live that one down. “

[prsephonc]

catjorgenson:

catalina smiles softly despite the inner childlike excitement she would get when she was younger and had spent that fateful summer with him. “ he is probably the second man i ever loved. probably my last if i am being honest. ” she states matter-of-factually. “ we met when i was twenty or maybe twenty-one. it was a summer love but we knew — we knew it was something more. ”

tiny hands of jealousy begin to grip her but her smile doesn’t crack. catalina sounded so sure of him-- this adrian. but, if he had been such a GREAT love of hers, why hadn’t persephone heard of him before ? what had transpired between the two of them ? “ that’s BEAUTIFUL, cat. “ she says sweetly ( perhaps too sweetly ). 

[prsephonc]

stcassia:

she turns at the unexpected response, only to be greeted by a truly bizarre sight. laughter comes as an immediate reaction with the confusion, and cassia is quick to cover her mouth so as to not offend. “but are you well? did you not hurt yourself in the fall? oh, we must—” she cuts herself off, hastily scurrying over to grab a cloth from one of the table. “you mustn’t spend the night in this pitiful state.”

the cloth, in hindsight, seems also a pitiful solution to the issue at hand. still, she’s quick to offer the other girl whatever little she can for relief. “clean yourself as best you can. i’ll stay for as long as you need.” 

at her laugh, persephone sighs. one MUST at least chuckle at irony at the disaster-prone girl being a nurse.“ the only casualty is my pride, and TRUST ME, i have very little of it. “ she’s not upset about the fact that she’s the BUTT of the joke. in fact, she’s glad that the dracborough nurse has a smile on her face instead of an impatient frown. “ thank you. in all truth, i give norden a bad reputation. i am horribly clumsy. not all of us are like this. “

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

“What? Don’t be silly, Persephone. I can’t imagine anything you might have done to warrant blame.“ Morrigan took a drink from the ale in her cup and silently pondered on the topic of whether or not she should interfere and try to smooth any bumps in the road for Alexander and their daughter. Or should she just leave them be and let the pair figure it out for themselves. “Her name is Nicolette, she’s from Ironhaven. She attended that disastrous feast the other day, you might recognize her from there.”

“ perhaps he wants a daughter that is unlike me, “ she said, her brows furrowing. “ perhaps he does not even want a daughter ! maybe he wanted a son-- a son who can take continue his name and manage his lands. he’s got a nurse for a daughter. i don’t CARE about real estate, mother ! i know very little on land. “ exasperated, persephone dropped her head on the table. she lifted her head with a sigh, “ i’m not familiar with her, no. but, perhaps she knows a thing or two about managing an estate. ”

[suitelikechocolate]

[prsephonc]

catjorgenson:

she smiles and swallows back a soft laugh despite the situation. it’s comical how smart persephone is and how she feels so much. for someone who is a medical assistant one would think she would be use to things like this. “ very well, so i’ve given you that speech several times. but it’s as true as the feeling this job brings you. ” she admits, running her other hands down the others back. “ do you want to hear about adrian? ” she asks after a pause, remembering how she had told her friend about her ex-fiance just before the attack.

her spirits jump at the offer to hear about catalina’s beau. her melancholy mood is nearly eradicated. “ adrian ? “ she repeats with perked ears. “ yes !! is that even a question ?? a million times yes ! ” the excitement is probably drawn from her childhood. whenever persephone was feeling blue, her mother would take her into her arms and tell her the tiniest tidbits about her father. it always worked.

[prsephonc]

princess-taliia:

Talia nodded, not speaking. Thoughts racing as she tried to think of what had caused such a reaction to her.

the young nurse leads the princess to a nearby seat, “ sit here to collect yourself, your highness. i’ll be a moment. “

[prsephonc]

dukejamesofnorden:

“You are a nurse right?” He asked looking at her properly, she seemed familiar, he was sure she was the daughter of one of Norden’s healers. “You must have more patience than I do.”

“ ah, yes, “ she laughed sheepishly, a hand going to her hair. “ it’s an acquired skill. not many of our patients have patience with us. ”

[prsephonc]

morrigansilverwind:

“It is all very new to him, sweetest. I imagine he’s still trying to figure out boundaries and his place in your life. He’ll realize soon enough that you’re not a child.“ And if Alexander didn’t, Morrigan would have a quiet word with him regardless of whether or not Persephone wanted her to or not. Parenting was still a new concept to Alexander and he’d likely need a guiding hand, especially considering the person he was trying to parent was practically an adult. “Oh, I meant to tell you,” Morrigan began conversationally. “I’ve decided to take on a new apprentice.”

“ perhaps i am also to blame, “  she mumbled with a sigh as her fingers began to pick at the table’s wood. having a father was new to her too. maybe she didn’t live up to his expectations. the announcement came to her her as jolting. “ who ? “ persephone did not know whether or not to feel excited, or displeased. would she be gaining a friend, or competition for her mother’s affections ?  “ do i know them ? “