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木村花子 : ❝ life is a series of decisions. you NEVER have unlimited options or unlimited time to think, but what you choose in that instant defines who you are. warriors who strive to save other people's lives are precious. their pure and single-minded d e d i c a t i o n is separate from their natural talent. they don't risk their lives to earn praise; they simply feel that they must. ❞ : indie selective oc created october 2021, by ELIS

#pinned .

#oh we back baby

“You can’t quantify humanity. You can’t measure it—not the way you mean to. People are passionate and flawed and fallible. They make mistakes. Their memories fade. Their eyes deceive them.”

@vanishinq & hanako aes

#* ⌜☆ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid #i just think about them all the time

shizuoi

Why can’t you get along like two good monsters?

#* ⌜☆⌟ * even the shadows resemble her ⟶ VISAGE #* ⌜☆⌟ * she’s the crackle of the static ⟶ STUDY #* ⌜☆⌟ * you can’t have peace without a war ⟶ PHOBOS CORPS #blood /#OK NEW PLOT; WHO TRYING TO GET THIS FUCKED UP TOGETHER HUH

winterswake

Sergei Bodrov BROTHER 2 / БРАТ 2 (2000) dir. Aleksei Balabanov

#* ⌜☆⌟ * she’s the crackle of the static ⟶ STUDY #hanako alone after a job just patching herself up :')

winterswake

Out of Africa (1985) dir. Sydney Pollack

#* ⌜☆⌟ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid

prtcts

hanako kimura - a study in lost childhoods, the shine of blood on steel, the art of sacrifice & how to be a guardian to the darkness

#* ⌜☆⌟ * she’s the crackle of the static ⟶ study

muse's life experiences

tagged by: @vanishinq tagging: steal it and tag me.

#i was gonna italicise things that are in certain verses but tbh #cas and kit are blog canon now so.......................... bolded anyway #* ⌜☆⌟ * she’s the crackle of the static ⟶ STUDY

audaciiae:

“Hmm, fine. I tried to kill him once and he so stubbornly survived it, so perhaps he’d actually die at the hands of a trained killer. So I can’t turn you down, even if I wanted the joy of seeing the light leave his eyes…ah, well. It seems like you’re chomping at the bit, anyways.”

As Kit speaks, they make their way over to their kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine from the huge wine cooler next to the fridge. They squint at it, find it suitable enough, and then walk back over, still grinning. “I think this is a cause for celebration. Relax your shoulders, won’t you? You look so stiff. We make an unlikely team, but I promise you that by the end of this, we’ll both have what we want: my manuscripts and a dead man. Doesn’t that just sound so lovely?”

They pop open the bottle and snort, holding it out to Hanako. It’s symbolic, in a way, a gesture of good faith. As long as Hanako has the same goal as them, then Kit has no reason to worry. “To the death of the Ghost.”

she can’t help the quiet sigh of relief when kit agrees to her simple, singular demand without arguing, it wasn’t what she had been expecting, but she’s grateful all the same. she had spent so long being at odds with kit, that the amicable atmosphere was making her feel more on edge than if they had simply turned around and threatened to kill her, that she knew how to deal with. her eyes follow them as they walk away, blinking, and forcing herself to relax some of her muscles when kit points it out. the tenstion in her shoulders eases, her chin falls a little, she looks far from relaxed, but she’s trying. this has to work, this is her last chance, and she knows that once kit has their mind set on something they wouldn’t let it stop. so she would help, she’d switch loyalties once more and let the chameleon in, because it was better to be allied with them, than getting in their way. hanako’s eyes fall to the bottle as it is offered to her, she hesitates, only for a moment, finding kit’s eyes once more as she nods, although she doesn’t repeat the toast, choosing instead just to take a long, deep swig, before passing it back to kit as a smirk creeps onto her lips, sharp, edged with steel and gunpowder, “ an unlikely alliance, ” she agrees, “ but unstoppable. ” because she wanted to feel bones break under her fingers, wanted him to hurt the way she had. she wanted him ended, and she wanted to know why he would always want kit more. it was selfish, it was twisted, but she had lost so much of herself that she didn’t even notice anymore. “ i imagine you already have a plan, ” she tilts her head to one side, eyes locked on kit’s, “ you knew i was coming here today, didn’t you? ”

#audaciiae #screaming crying etc

audaciiae:

Kit almost laughs. Almost. But they can’t say they’re surprised. Kit has met plenty of people like Hanako before, and they never take lightly to any kind of betrayal, even if they were warned about it beforehand. Instead, they scoff, crossing their arms and circling around Hanako like some kind of predator sizing up its prey before striking. “You want to kill Casper? Mm, I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth, you know.”

They stop in front of her and tilt their head, the grin never leaving them. “Unfortunately, I can’t have him dead just yet. I still need him for his last storage because there’s all kinds of nifty little bioscanners and such that need him in order to operate. However, it’s free game after that. He’ll no longer be of use to me. So…here’s what I think. I think that you could help me kidnap him. Lure him out, whatever you’d like to do. We use him for our purpose…and then we make the Ghost an actual ghost.”

Kit laughs, sharp and loud, clapping their hands together. This is working out better for them than what they originally thought it might. “What do you say, hm?”

she clenches her jaw as kit circles her, refusing to follow their movement until they stop again, just letting out a quiet huff of breath as kit seems to enjoy pressing her buttons, never thought they’d hear those words? well she had never thought things would end so agonizingly unfinished. still, she’s barely holding it together when they stop in front of her, the grin clawing under her skin and making it almost not worth what kit could do for her. hanako’s jaw twitches when kit turns her down, then again when the idea of luring him out is broached. her anger was one thing, the desire to stop him from hurting her again, to punish him for what he had done, those were still very much there. but having to spend time with casper... alive... able to speak, to keep lying... that was something completely different, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle it. she’d been losing more and more control recently. so of course she had come to the one person she knew who controlled everything. they laugh, and hanako vaguely daydreams about snapping their neck. but she knows two things for certain; she’d never get the chance, and casper would be out of reach forever. so she just nods, tightly.

“ i have some conditions.” she says, lifting a hand to remove her sunglasses, staring into kit’s eyes, “ i will do whatever you want, for as long as it takes to get into the storage unit-” she knew it was stupid to say out loud, but desperation is a hell of a drug, “ but the moment you have what you need from casper, i get to kill him, however i want.” she takes a breath, “ on my time. that’s all i want. ”

#audaciiae #THIS IS UNHINGED HANAKO NO

vanishinq-a1

@prtcts [ ... ]

he doesn't expect her to say anything. there is a breath of relief in knowing she listened all the way through without screaming or brandishing a knife to his already exposed throat. but these things aren't normal though, he idly remembers someone saying. the way disappointment, not only to himself but to anyone, can taste like 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙸𝙽 𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙼𝙾𝚄𝚃𝙷.

as he searches hanako's ashen face, casper ponders whether he assumed his safety too soon. he should've known better, of course. protection and refuge don't belong to people like him, and especially him; it's nothing more than an ineffective prophylactic, a bandaid that can be forcibly ripped off, in the end. he thinks: so, blind me with the glare of your knife. he thinks: at least 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙼𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝚄𝙻𝙻𝙴𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙼𝚈 𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽 𝙸𝚃. he thinks: at least tell me i was wrong so i can agree with you, so i can beg for my life at your feet.

the utterance of her voice catches him, not by surprise, but by something else. a bitter solace, perhaps, as if an unspoken truce had been made between them, a hidden white flag of surrender. casper hesitates a long time, staring into his empty cup, waiting for the hidden sharp teeth and deadly venom to strike. when it doesn't come, he offers a subtle nod of acknowledgement.

( what else would you have her do? )

" i know, " he whispers with a quick, humorless grin. his tone is reminiscent of the first time they spoke together, that 𝙼𝚄𝚁𝙼𝚄𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷 just before the rain. " i keep forgetting. i was doing well for a bit, but then . . . " casper trails off. she knows the rest. " so, are you — comfortable — with your new employer? are they treating you okay? "

this one's an honest question. 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚂𝙰𝚈 𝚈𝙴𝚂.

or say no, and stay.

( you know this isn't unstable. )

prtcts

it would be easier if she could hate him. so much easier if every time she looked at him the searing in her chest was rage, if she could kill him there and never think of him again. but he had an effect on her, that was the whole problem. she'd fall for him again if he smiled at her like he used to. believe him again if he lied with his lips on hers... his words trailed off, and it isn't hard for hanako to fill in the gaps and wish she could have been there to help him. all she felt was guilt. he had left her, and she was the one feeling like a failure. it wasn't fair, and if she was stronger she would have walked out in that instant, pushed that choking emotion aside and pretended she could survive out there in that suffocating normalcy without him. but she doesn't. she can't.

hanako blinks, his question grounding her. your new employer. she hated that phrase, as accurate as it was. she felt caged with them, locked into a persona she hated, babysitting brats and paranoid nobodies. but the worst was when she forgot, when her new name didn't register in time, when she woke up to an alarm clock and a uniform that made her skin crawl with disdain. but they paid her enough to keep going, and then she'd move away and start all over again. and endless, mind-numbing cycle.

no. she wanted to say. i can't stand them and they don't understand me. eyes lock on the hotel carpet once more, and she can feel her throat tightening again - any second now she would lose all control, and neither of them deserved that. she had already cried in front of him once that day. " I hate every second. " she concedes, quietly. " but i didn't have a choice, i can't do anything else. " she swallows, " besides, hanako kimura is un-hireable. " her head raises slowly, a hard line to her jaw, " something about abandoning a post, price on her head, it's a real scandal. " she had never been bitter about it before, but the words come out venomous. there's another pause, thick and dark and heavy, and then her voice is soft, lost, confused. " why did you leave me behind? be honest, for once, don't pretend you didn't think about it... just tell me. "

#vanishinq #* ⌜☆ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid #hahaha this is fine actually

vanishinq-a1

ENDLESS EDITS OF CASPER D. REID — (4 / ?)

casper vc : good evening, my name is BANKSY . . .

( for @prtcts )

#THE GREAT TWATSBY #that's him that's him he's the one who stole my heart officer #* ⌜☆ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid

dramaintherain

Kim Da Mi 🌟💕 behind the scenes shoot of “Itaewon Class” (2020)

#take a fuckin sip babes

dramaintherain

Itaewon Class 🏙️ (이태원 클라쓰): The many faces of Jo Yi Seo [2/16] ⬗

#no pls y she cute

audaciiae:

Kit thinks this is all very amusing.

It might be cruel to think such a thing, but Kit has never been much of a kind person. Hanako’s descent into…whatever this is has been far too entertaining for Kit to witness. That’s why they let her find them because they know it’ll only be a matter of time. Besides, why not let someone else take care of the problem? Let them take the fall while the Chameleon lingers on in the shadows, the puppeteer over their little show.

The building that Kit calls home looks like nothing more than some abandoned shop from the outside. A building that has been sitting there for years and the locals use it as a landmark because clearly the local government isn’t going to get rid of it. When Kit opens the door, however, one can clearly see that it’s their full living space, completely different than how the outside looks. All black walls, gothic décor, and a computer setup that would make any tech savvy person go green with envy.

Kit looks like they just rolled out of bed, hardly done up at all, but this is too good to keep Hanako waiting outside for hours. “Of course I was. I warned you, and you refused to listen. You only have yourself to blame.” And yet they still step aside to let her in, all sharp eyes and a toothy grin. “But I suspect you’re not just here to tell me I was right.”

hanako’s eyes are icy as she stares at kit’s grin, they’re tousled and yet somehow as vicious as ever. she seethes silently as the blame comes crashing down, the familiar, bitter ice-bath of cruel regret seizing hold of her, but kit steps aside, and she swallows her pride, and slips past them. inside she pauses, eyes scanning the set up, unsurprised that it had been created and decorated at such odds with the external. it made sense, besides, she’d resigned herself to never be surprised by them again. then she turns, letting out a slow breath as she once again fixed her eyes on kit. “ no, ” she admits, tensely, “ that’s not why i’m here. ” this is harder than she had thought it would be, the inital admittance was supposed to be the tricky part, but she now realised that wasn’t the case at all. because now she had to somehow talk her way into kit’s interest, and morbid curiosity aside, she wasn’t sure how much they truly gave a damn, hanako’s only hope was that they would think it was amusing to bring her along for the ride, that they’d find some twisted satisfaction in it. otherwise she’d just have to add abject humiliation to the ever-growing list of things that had gone wrong. “ i want to kill casper reid. and i want you to help me. ” she swallows, and her breath catches in her throat. “ please. ”

#audaciiae #* ⌜☆⌟ * oh you like me now? ⟶ connection: k. harris #PLEASE PLEASE THIS IS SO ASHDKBFNGHLKLFDNSA

lelif

How do I look away now that I have seen you?

on being seen and known and understood

Rachel Mennies, from "April 18, 2017", The Naomi Letters//Rick Riordan, Mark of Athena//picture: Mihaly Zichy "romantic encounter", quote: Micah Nemerever "These Violent Delights", edit @promqueendyke // Micah Nemerever, "These Violent Delights"//Marie Howe, "The Affliction"//Anne Carson, "Red Doc>"//NA//Taylor Swift, "Daylight"//Elizabeth Gilbert, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage"//Little Women (2019)

#* ⌜☆⌟ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid

vanishinq:

“I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF WE SPOKE IN PRIVATE,” HE EXPLAINED CAUTIOUSLY, AFTER SHE SETTLED INSIDE. “UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE A TAIL.” he sipped water from a paper cup branded with the hotel’s trademark. dark circles hung vividly under his eyes, lines around his mouth, his face drained of all his color. stress lined the roots of his once dark hair making him look older than he actually was.

looking about the hotel room, it seemed strangely barren without all of his usual supplies. there were no paintbrushes littered on tables, no mugs of ugly brown paint water, no empty canvases strewn about, no lock picks sitting haphazardly on the tv stand, and no stray papers with his mindful scrawlings of whatever he was thinking about that day. just a book bag that laid in the corner, zipped, and a pressed suit jacket that hung off the back of the door. how many hotel rooms had he stayed in like this that he, in his blackout drunken state, completely trashed? how many of them did he share with hanako?

was it odd that he felt safer with her in the room? hanako could snap his neck and end his petty fucking life, but he would rather it’d be her than anything kit harris might do to him. at least someone would know what happened to him, in the end. kit wouldn’t be so kind to leave his body just laying around like that; casper shut his eyes, squeezing from his mind the image of the carpet back in los angeles stained dark with his blood.

they sat in the raw silence awhile, letting the open wound bleed out. every once in awhile, his eyes lifted to hanako without so much a reassuring grin or an attempt to make things better. casper witnessed the wild daggers in her eyes. he might as well be a dead man.

“i know what you want me to say, hanako,” he began, staring into his cup. “you want some kind of explanation about why i did what i did, and to tell you that it had something to do with love, or about whether it had to do with the absence of it. the truth is,” he takes a quiet breath, searching for the right words on the floor, “i don’t have an explanation. sometimes i just — ”

this was getting harder. how do you explain a lifetime of running away, or the thrill of distance, fear pulling you by a string so you might feel whole again? casper pinched the bridge of his nose.

he’s trying. he’s trying.

“—go. you can call it a vice. and i can tell you, for certain, that it had nothing to do with love or not wanting to be near you. it was just me being impulsive and neurotic, and truly, i don’t deserve your forgiveness. i don’t want it. seeing you again, fucking christ, it’s just really poor timing. what i mean is: i’ll be gone again by morning. the state of new york will have issued a warrant for my arrest, and there will likely be a manhunt. unlike before, they know my name. they know my face. and,”

he flashes a worried grin. “and then there’s kit. and now you.”

she didn’t speak, just let him explain, refusing to fill the silence every time he trailed off, every time he struggled to find the right words. he was running, that didn't change anything, they were always running. but this time she wasn't invited, he didn't want her there, no matter what he said about it not being about love. she was hardly experienced in matters of the heart, but she knew she would have never done this to him.

so she just stares at him, anger and hurt and fear tumbling and swirling within her until she was so busy that she could barely stand still anymore. casper's flitting gaze didn't help at all, she wished he could just look her in the eye to let her down, it would have felt more final, more purposeful. is read she realised that his excuses of impulsivity and warrants was all because he had never expected to see her again; he hadn't prepared a speech.but then he compared her to kit harris, and hanako could no longer mask the way her eyes flew wide. to him, he was just another lover turned enemy, he'd convinced himself of it. but hanako understood, now, the rage, tue obsession, the need to always be able to find him. the idea that kit could be like her made her stumble, and she ignored him as she pushed forwards, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking a slow, deep breath, one hand lifted to pinch the bridge of her nose in a shadowy imitation of his gesture from earlier.

was this the last straw? was this the moment she snapped? would she wake up tomorrow morning and let it all consumer her? the horrible, dark, rotted parts deep within her. the pressure of her abscondence, the loss of the person who had made it seem worth it, the knowledge he'd done it on purpose. after a long, turbulent silence, hanako lifted reddened eyes and stared at casper once more. she takes in his exhausted face, the light patches in his hair. still, his presence, as infuriated and insulted as she was, brought out the tenderness in her. at the realisation she let out a cold scoff, then rested her forehead in her hands, addressing the floor.

" you look like shit. " she muttered. " i know you haven't been eating. " she takes another deep breath, shaky and unsteady. " that'll kill you faster than i ever could. "

#vanishinq #* ⌜☆ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid #🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

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