Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"
Fully obsessed with the idea the Shane thinks this is just what Casual Sexâą is is like. Ilya's the king of casual sex so this must be what it's supposed to be like. Yes, he's kissing tear tracks away from Shane's cheeks while telling him how beautifully he takes it. Yes, he's waxing poetic about Shane's mouth being made for him, carved out by the gods just as a place for Ilya's cock to call home. Yes, he's stroking Shane's hair and kissing his face for an indeterminable amount of time in those instances where he makes Shane's brain go so fuzzy that it feels like he entirely vacates his body and, yes, he's stroking Shane's back and telling him how well he did until it feels like his feet are finally back on solid ground. That's Normal.
The lyrics are pulled from this Kompromat song <3 (if you've never seen the music video... you should fjjfk It's Rebeka warrior and AdĂšle Haenel getting married with neon lights what's not to love)
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizableâespecially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
discoholicmusic
areudirty
jacobvanloon
