Spiritual Warrior

This is my personal diary, written with no filter, flaws and all, me, myself and I! *Trigger Warning, talk about SA, R***, Abuse and more on my page* Please read with a warning!

[psychic-shade]

I finished 6 weeks of grievance counseling.

It was a weird and interesting experience.

I am proud of the tools I learned.

I learned a lot of about myself.

I learned a lot about grief.

I am not alone.

I am happy and proud to know I have a best friend looking out for me from above.

Rest in peace my love ❤️

[psychic-shade]

What a great new years I had.

I got to see my friend who passed.

Wow.

What a precious gift from God.

I saw his soul.

He was drinking with me.

Celebrating.

We would spend new years together.

It was our thing.

And it isn't over yet.

He will be celebrating new years with me in the future.

Now that is what I call a miracle.

Thank God for the gifts I receive from heaven.

It's hard to see the miracles and blessings when I am so torn by my best friends death.

I won't miss seeing the miracles.

Maybe now isn't about seeing the blessings.

Maybe now isn't about working so hard to study God.

Maybe now is about taking time and the rest to mourn.

Maybe now is the time to properly grieve all that I couldn't before.

Maybe now is about allowing myself to be depressed and sad.

Maybe now is about putting myself on pause.

Maybe now is about being low in order to find my balance.

Maybe now is about going into the deepest hells to bring peace to the lost souls.

Maybe now is about standing in the middle amongst all the sinners and being a healer.

Maybe now is about standing in evil while I shine my own light.

Maybe now is about telling people the truth and putting people in their place.

Maybe now is about speaking my voice.

Maybe now is about raising my voice to evil.

Maybe now is about yelling to those who choose not too hear.

Maybe now is about women being aggressive to men's bull shit.

Maybe now is about a woman who has more balls than a man.

Maybe now is about the power of god coming through women.

Maybe now it is I who starts all this.

Maybe now it is I who calls you on your lies.

Maybe now it is I who takes off your disguise.

Maybe now it is time I take off my disguise.

Maybe now it is time I no longer hide.

Maybe now it is I who takes you out of hiding.

Maybe now it is I who shows you what the power of love can truly do.

Maybe now it is I who blows you down with words of truth.

Maybe now it is I who calls you by the true name you were given.

The Fallen Ones.

[psychic-shade]

I don't know how to fix myself. I lost myself. I lost my best friend. Since his passing. This has been a very hard end to a year.

I admitted myself to the psych ward and lost my person while I was in there.

Damn.

It was so sudden.

So quick.

No time to process him leaving.

2 days after my release.

I got to go to his funeral.

Say good bye.

Make peace with him.

And know he is at peace.

[psychic-shade]

Ayy my brain is on the crazy train again 🙃

[psychic-shade]

Holy it has been one rough go for me.

I admitted myself to the psych ward.

I lost my best friend while I was in there. Went to his funeral

And I lost my rat the day I got released.

Damn.

All I have to thank say is I am thankful.

I am thankful for God and I

I kicked ass.

Got the help I needed.

Came out a changed person.

I am not the same person I was when I walked in.

I am not afraid of myself.

I am afraid of what this can and will do for others.

Change is what you need.

Not what you want.

I need this.

And so do you.

Cause by the looks of it.

I see so many lost souls.

And I have the ability to help them come back.

I can talk to any person.

I am curious where this change will take me.

I am ready for this change.

I faced my worst fears.

I had to deal with the most fucked up demons of myself.

I had to loose what I love most

And gain myself

I have no idea why I am still here.

All I know is God has a reason.

I am tired of other's telling me truth

I am tired of people who can't face truth.

I am tired of people who can't face a godly woman, who knows truth.

Sit down and take a seat.

I am here to teach.

Not preach.

You can't survive with out me.

But it isn't me.

It is the one who made me.

As to why, I am still able to breathe.

The Creator made me this way.

I decided to slay.

All of my darkest demons, away.

That only comes from faith and belief.

From God and I.

So I just slayed away.

All my demons and sins.

I also slayed the evil staring at my face.

So I don't understand, why people.

Keep trying to tell me what truth is.

It is simple.

It isn't complicated.

So all I gotta say is.

Have you faced yourself today?

Have you put your demons to sleep?

Or are they still haunting you in your dreams?

One word.

Peace.

[psychic-shade]

Domine...Domine...Domine...Domine...

Question for the the maker and it's aw yeah?

This the way it's supposed to be huh? Aight

Sippin'

On a glass of red wine

Right before bedtime thinkin'

Everybody down here trippin'

If you up there upstairs, this is Nina tellin' you to listen

The vision I'm givin' everyday, life is dumpin' on us like a pigeon

I get many enemies with this Forbes list

But I get rid of energy from piss poor pricks

Can I get to heaven?

All I get is threatened every time I get more chips

Gotta grip four fifths for the sick forces

I gotta fight all of the night with cops, Crips, Bloods with sore fists

And them Nazis wanna hem Hadji, up it ain’t too many men godly

Hideous so many cities bust in, Ferguson to Libya, Benghazi

Human equality never been a level playin field man it been wobbly

So many circles of sin rob me, that’s why we go angel to grim Cosby’s

Yellin' this to my superior, the grading of love is inferior

Upon this earth a lot of people jerked around

About 300,000 to Syria, are you serious?

I could never think of burying my children p-p-period

Nigeria

I'mma yell while I'm walking through this Hell cause I'm furious

Zuse know what's up, he said you got to pack a toy

But why you gotta let the bodies drop in a coffee shop in Aussie? (Aussie, Oi Oi Oi)

But around here loving coco's the bomb

Meanwhile so many people are taken out by the hands of Boko Haram

Aw yeah?!

They gotta suffer the penalty cause of our education

Nobody wanna say nothing, but I gotta call it abomination

Pissed off, thinking, "what this cost?"

What these babies blood drippin' for?

So I say in Latin, listen Lord

Audire domine (audire domine)

Audire domine (audire domine)

Only way people are gonna be able to kill off a demon is

Pick up a gun and be ready to put it between him a nigga be screamin'

Audire domine (audire domine)

No fear the only way

Every day flatten the beast

At least Anonymous is hacking for peace

And yet we gotta bust cause we packing a piece

Choke not another one of us for the snappin' police

Who the hell a brother gonna trust when it's always dishonor?

Hate me like Obama

And I ain't even got around to askin' you the question, God

What about my, MAMAAAA!?!?

[psychic-shade]

I can't believe what I did today. I enrolled myself in a college program. I am freaking out, excited, scared. For the first time I am going into a college program.

Holy shit. I am turning 30. I haven't been to school since before I was 18. Didn't get my grade 12.

The career I have chosen is in high demand. I am excited to use my skills and help people. CDSW is the diploma I will be working on. It fits what I want to do. There is many career opportunities available to me. I hope to take more courses in this field.

I've been volunteering at a cat shelter for the past 4 months. I was there before covid started for 6 months. I definitely will be taking some sort of career course for working with animals. I have a special connection with animals. I have bonded with feral cats the most.

Wow I can't believe I did this. Holy fuck.

[psychic-shade]

It is time. It is time for a new plan. A new message. A new spiritual leader. I am sickened by my own religion. I am sickened by my own religious leaders. How dare the Christians out cast the pride community. You toxic Christian leaders, are responsible. There is bigger fish to fry here. Leave the pride community alone. Your toxic messages to the pride community, ends now. No where in the fucking, god damn, Holy Bible. Does it say- you will go to hell for being gay. YOU WILL GO TO HELL IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN JESUS. IT’S PRETTY FUCKING SIMPLE. You toxic, Christian leaders, are 100% responsible. For why the pride community feels like God doesn’t love, or accept them. This pisses me off so fucking damn much. God loves and accepts, ALL OF US. No matter your sexual orientation, your gender, if you are genderless, however you identify, in the pride community. God does NOT outcast you. God does NOT wish you were dead, PERIOD. If the Christian community is going to teach anything to the pride community. You better be preaching, His fucking truth. You are filling these people’s minds with lies and deceit. I know exactly what scripture/scriptures these toxic Christians use to give these evil messages. BEING GAY IS A SIN. AND GUESS WHAT? YOU’RE A SINNER TOO. I AM A FUCKING SINNER MY FUCKING SELF. SO TAKE THE FUCKING STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS. AND PREACH THE FUCKING TRUTH YOU CHRISTIAN CHURCHES. Stop feeding me lies. Stop feeding my people lies. Christ came to save sinners. Christ came to save His people. Not people who think they do no sin. I am done. I am fed the fuck up. The churches are failing to speak Christ’s truth and love. So I guess I will. We are in a period of God’s grace. What does grace mean? The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings. All of His creation has salvation. We are all God’s creation. We all come from God. None of us are born evil. We are born into a world of evil. We are born sinners. Christ came to save all of His creation. Christ came to save all of His sinners. Stop being evil you toxic Christian leaders. I am done with you being Christian leaders. It is time for a new spiritual leader to rise. It is time for Christ’s love to be the message, core and value of His council. It is time for Christ’s council to come forward. All are invited. All are welcome. Don’t believe God doesn’t love you. That is a lie taught by the Devil. It is time to swallow the Devil with Christ’s love. I can’t do it alone. I need all of you.

[psychic-shade]

2 months into my counseling and I am making huge progress. I can finally process my rape, sexual assault, mental, physical, spiritual, financial abuses and more. I have had people break into my home with my abusers and pull out weapons on me. I have been raped over 4 times. I didn't even know I was raped until this year. I numbed that feeling and put it away in my mind. Rape isn't always the way they make it out to be in the movies. Non-consensual sex = rape. However you handled it. Doesn't mean you weren't violated. I can finally heal and make sense of all of this betrayal, pain, suffering, violation, evil that has been done to me. And what I am finding about myself. Who I want to be, who I wanted to be. She is coming forward. This woman, Sarah Elizabeth Michelle. Is not taking anymore evil. For herself, and for everyone around her. I am planting my mind, heart, soul and feet. Into this mother earth, into Christ's love, into the supernatural power of Christ. I am sicken and disgusted by how the rulers to this world have let all this evil slide. While they watch it all happen. Sitting on all their money and wealth. Having the mental, physical and spiritual tools, to fix it. You are all responsible and all the judgement falls on every single one of you. There is one race. The human race. Racism comes from Satan. God has one race, HIS CREATION. THE HUMAN RACE. You politicians, have Christian Apologists who tell you, what you are doing wrong. You literally ask these Christian leaders how to fix your country, while you listen to everything they say. And because you don't like what you hear, that you have to change, you have to share your wealth. You give the Christian leaders the middle finger? When you do that, you are giving your whole country the middle finger. So here is my middle finger to you. All you rulers of the world. I am coming for each and everyone of you, with God's power. If you want to be Satan's puppet. Then get out of my way. I am Christ's vessel. I am tired of seeing my people suffer. Time to bring His council forward. I call every single person into this council. No matter your sexual orientation, gender, culture, religion. All are welcome. https://www.instagram.com/p/CTFf7eEsn1j/?utm_medium=tumblr

[psychic-shade]

I am no longer accepting men and people in my life that call me a bitch, cunt, ugly, fat, obese. When I give you my time, effort, respect, kindness, caring and love. All because I reject you men. I get bullied, degraded, betrayed and violated. What the hell in God's name is wrong with you sick fucking men? You all come to me saying you want to kill yourselves, telling me your problems. And trust me I do care about all of you men. But then when I try and support, be there for you, trying to lift your spirit up. I am giving you a safe space to talk to me. What you told me will stay with me until I die. All you men keep saying you can't show your emotions or cry infront of anyone. I've never once made any man feel bad about showing me his sadness, pain, suffering and tears. I created a safe space for you to just be who you are. I am giving you zero advice. Not preaching to you. Other then to get out and life your lives. You all call me fat and ugly? Guess what? I'm right and you know it. Can't handle the truth? Don't even message me. Rot in your filth for all I care. It's your choice. I was raised a good, spiritual, Christian woman. Who has morals, beliefs and values. I value all men. But not when you treat me the way you do. I have been called fat and a cunt by you men, my whole damn life. Do you know how hard it is to love my body? Do know that I hear the word fat in my head every time I look at my body in the mirror? Do you know sometimes I don't have a healthy relationship with food because I feel fat? I still get called those names and I look like this? You men are responsible. I am done. Done with you Godless men. I am fighting every single ungodly man from now on with my fat ass. I am going to sit on all of you with my fat ass. I love my fat body and you can kiss my fat ass. My fat ass will beat your skinny, bony ass any day. Do not test this fat ass woman. Who will beat your skinny ass if you ever dare disrespect me and my love. None of you men deserve this Godly woman. None of you men are good enough for this Godly woman. None of you men are men for this Godly woman. You get no creditably for being a man when you put women down. You are sick in the head. https://www.instagram.com/p/CSwqEyrMCuT/?utm_medium=tumblr

[psychic-shade]

Happy birthday to me. 10 years ago at 19 years old, I was living in hell with my abuser. Also going through multiple abusive relationships since I was 14 years old. It has taken me 10 years to stop crying on my birthday about how much they all took from me. The tears and pain I've had to shed is the most unbearable pain I've went through. I always felt like I was never good enough, until now. At 29 years old today, I celebrate Me, Myself and I. I still don't have my grade 12, a career or a house. And guess what? I don't care! I have become a successful person and woman by growing, staying true to myself, keeping love in my heart, learning, studying spiritual psychology. But why am I most successful? I am taking all the evil Satan handed to me and trying to turn it into my own heaven. I am so damn proud of myself. I have fought long and hard through the valley of darkness - of rape, sexual assault, spiritual, physical, mental, financial, many more abuses and my mental illnesses. No more tears over the men that hurt me. Instead, I cry and pray for them because they lack the Spirit of God inside their heart and soul. Instead, I am figuring out what mental illness I am dealing with. I have started medications and therapy. I feel so good about the moves I am making for myself. Thanks to all you men who hurt me, seriously. I am a better woman because of the pain you put me through. You showed me hell and God keeps on revealing to me the spiritual psychology about the evil I went through. I keep on growing more spiritually as a woman. I love myself for the first time and more then I have in my whole life. I accept myself for the first time in my life. I am proud to be Satan's victim. Why? Because I get to reveal it all. We all suffer but we have to make it through to see why. Why did I suffer all this abuse? I believe there is a spiritual journey for me from God, that lies ahead. I can't wait for Him to show me what it is all about. Where are the Godly men in this world? You men keep destroying good godly women. I am sick of it. I stand against it. I stand against you. Go ahead Satan, come at me. You won't kill me again. I will kill you with God's love. https://www.instagram.com/p/CPeX1zZMya7/?utm_medium=tumblr

[psychic-shade]

My amazing aunt and uncle delivered these t-shirts to my family for the Indigenous movement and also my uncle who is battling cancer. I found out from my uncle that, my sisters, my father and I are part of the turtle clan from the Ojibwe tribe. What a lovely time and gift from my family I haven't seen in years. I love being moved by people and their experiences. I am praying for my aunt, uncle and their family during their hard times. We are the turtle clan. You got a hard shell uncle Don during your battle. You can swim in the ocean. You are small but mighty. You are the wisest. Don't forget where you come from. ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CRrIFQGM3sp/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Snuggles

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