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@psypnotika
today is my mother’s birthday.
after the passing of my father while I was becoming an adult, I value my mother with my entire heart. the woman that brought me into life, has also – both literally & figuratively – saved my life on multiple occasions.
when my mind resorts to its dark corners, I think back to the most beautiful days in life – those spent with her as a child…
the sun shone down brightly on the carefree days of my youth. the greenest of grasses, the warmest of waters, the purest of hearts… as I added another stained twin popsicle stick to my unintentional collection, she continued enjoying her shared half. “time” was hardly a concept during these sacred moments.
the seatbelt strapped thoughtfully across my torso, she’d take me on a drive through the countryside. I’d admire her beauty from the passenger seat, while asking her the most aimless questions, or sharing my collected observations. her response would never fall short of a smile, or a chuckle. she had all the patience and admiration in the world for me, and still does.
she personally taught me many values in life, separately from my father once did. she instilled in me how to love from the core of my heart, and forgive those who weren’t fortunate enough to do the same. she encouraged me to uncover the positivity in each and every situation, because this was the most proactive solution. she accepted me for precisely the human I grew to become, and further served as the image of a woman I aspired to be. she connected me deeply with my spirituality, because there is more to this life than what meets the eye. my passions for achieving optimal health, tea beverages, cleanliness, organization, literature, the environment, humanity, activism, antiques, fashion, cooking, beauty (in all aspects of life)…came from my mother.
now that she’s birthed and raised me into an adult who she understands very deeply, in turn, I mutually comprehend her, for she’s been influencing me from the very beginning. as my commitment to her, we’ve grown to never hold secrets from each other, I actively enrich her life using my best judgment; and now, essentially, I want to continue introducing her to fresh experiences. for she is not simply my mother, but a woman of great will, strength, beauty, compassion, confidence, intelligence, integrity, curiosities — and, with utmost sincerity, my best friend. our love we share is amongst the purest in this world, and it will carry me through my entire life.
Du warst mein Leben und jetzt bist du weg, ich fühle mich als könnte ich nie mehr atmen..
Ich glaube diese Phase die ich hatte ist mittlerweile nur noch ein Zustand, an den ich mich gewöhnt habe zu leben, geworden. Ich kann gar nicht mehr unterscheiden, ob es mir gut oder nicht gut geht. Egal ob positiv oder negativ, ich unterdrücke meine Emotionen und mache einfach weiter - ohne Ziel. Ich laufe aber ich weiß nicht wohin, ich sehne mich nach etwas doch ich weiß nicht wonach. Ich fühle mich verloren. Aber ich bin trotzdem noch hier, ich stehe jeden Tag auf, ich pass mich an und funktioniere. Aber nie hat jemand gefragt wie es mir eigentlich geht und ob ich klar komme.
Das mutigste, das ich je getan habe, war weiterzuleben als ich sterben wollte
toedlichergedankenmuell (via toedlichergedankenmuell)
Ich spüre, wie die Leere mich in Stücke zerreist.
ScReamOut (Wälder und Eis feat Devize)
Bald wird dieser Blog stillstehen weil es keinen mehr gibt der ihn führt.
(via warten-auf-den-untergang)
Nicht geschlafen, nicht gegessen - nur Dinger gefressen!
(via take-ecstasy-feel-love)
A : Du ignorierst einfach alle Warnsignale deines Körpers. Wenn du so weiter machst, wirst du daran sterben..
B : Vielleicht ist ja genau das mein Ziel?
Der Mensch ist wie eine Heizung. Ist er kaputt, wird er kalt.
I failed as a student. I failed as a daughter. I failed as a girlfriend. I failed as a human being.
(via sad-veins)
Manchmal wünschte ich mir, ich wäre einfach weg und würde nicht mehr existieren. Heute ist manchmal…