I feel like the worst child ever. My parents have never been abusive (nobody's perfect, but still they're good people). I can't be close w anyone because of sexual abuse as a kid and I always treat them like shit (shut them out/get defensive and short-tempered when I'm alone w them) and I literally cannot explain to them why. Like it's not an option. But I want them to understand why I'm so detached from them and that I'm working on it but I need time :((((( they don't even know I'm in therapy
you're absolutely not the worst. you're in an incredibly difficult place, and you're deserving of empathy and boundaries. have you tried talking to them without giving details? like "i'm sorry i've been acting this way, i'm going through some things right now that i'm not ready to talk about, and i just need support." it sounds like you're not comfortable opening up to them. if that's the safest route, that's okay. but if you think you'd benefit from their support, it's okay to ask for it. you can start with telling them about your therapy and bringing them in or doing a call session? that might help.
