we're made of gobf stuff

Nova Yang || 29 || Alchemist || Self-defense instructor Classes are on! Unless I'm covered in blood. Then classes are totally not on. * rp blog with wicked's rest

[punchalot]

[User reposts this from a Gobf fanpage.]

[echoingmuse]

A new app has appeared on my phone: Clawde AI. It keeps suggesting I go out at night or eat raw steak. I do not want to do these things. I do not want to feel the bare earth under my feet nor howl at the moon.

[punchalot]

I hate this town so much. Like, how does that even get there? Is the magic in the satellites? Is nothing precious anymore? Are we never safe? If I can't trust my phone to be secure, what can I trust?

Though, that does sound like werewolf propaganda. I didn't know they had the budget for that. Does it give you ads for hot single treats in your area? Does it also tell you to take walkies to the park and rub its belly?

[californiacolt]

Tons of the things! I was an expert climber by the time I was five. Yeah, the whole landscape looks real different, but I am a sucker for crazy fog. Reminds me of Silent Hill!! (That's positive, that movie ripped.)

Oh for real? That'd be so rad of you! Hmm, well... hard to say, really. I mean, animal attacks are a big thing around here, but I doubt you've got a style that's good for dealing with THAT... generally these things are human-on-human violence, right? Haha.

[punchalot]

Whoa. Expert climber by the time you were five? I didn't know I was talking to the Mozart of climbing. Is there a type of tree that's best for climbing? THE MOVIE??? OK. Wow. I mean, have you played the games?

No. The style for that is "run the fuck away". But there are some ways to keep safe against wild animals, depending on the type. You haven't had a lot of trouble here yet, have you?

[inesfromwc]

So does anyone know why motion activated lights are allowed to have LEDs in them? Because every night I have to deal with a bright light when my neighbors garage senses a leave in the driveway, and it signs directly into my tech room.

Incidentally does anyone have any good black out curtain recommendations. I mean I guess I could go talk to them, but they really seem like a Karen and I don't wanna talk to them.

[punchalot]

I'm assuming you've already tried kindly communicating with your neighbor? In that case, have you tried punching them. HAHA just kidding. Don't... do that. Have you tried punching the lights though?

......what the fuck is a tech room? OK, Batman. Have you asked Alfred about the curtains?

[stardustonthebay]

What? No! Hot as in temperature. Jesus fuck---

NO. GOOD ADVICE. DO YOU WANT TOWN TO BE A GIANT EMBER??? NO! FEED THE ARSON RACCOON.

[punchalot]

Oh ye of optimistic phrasing, don't you know saying the rats are hot on the internet is clearly signally something else? Like, dude. Pretty sure I've seem some boobed-up rats around the 'net. ....Just. Like. Y'know. Around. Not. Like. Because I was searching for it. Obviously.

BAD ADVICE! DON'T FEED WILD ANIMALS AND/OR CRYPTIDS WITH NEFARIOUS INTENTIONS! We do not negotiate with Arson Raccoon.

[punchalot]

What's your go-to snack when you're stressed?

Vigorously chewing an ice cube. I'm like a dog with an ice cube, I wouldn't know what to do if I... got a greenie? Honestly, referencing The Dark Knight (2008) has only had diminishing returns since 2008.

[hotbearsawyer]

Okay, and? At least the corn doesn't hate me. Me and the corn, we still got a close friendship even though it thinks I stink.

[punchalot]

TRHE ROCRN DOESNTY LIEK YOU. DESSTOP SPREADING LIES ABOUT THE CORN.

[Minutes later:]

Sorry. Pretend I didn't send that. This corn-versation is getting to me.

[stardustonthebay]

ATTENTION WICKED'S RESTERS:

It is hot. They are hot. They are also hungry! They being the least loved of our critter friends, the trash babies. Leave snacks for the raccoons and possums and rats, please and thanks, otherwise the Arson Raccoon is going to be a problem this summer. And the summer is already hot enough. So... GET ON IT. Put those pizza leftovers in the trash bin and play them some nice restaurant music or whatever.

[punchalot]

....you think rats are hot? OK, furry. Does Rizzo the Rat moisten your mayo?

NO! Wait, hold on, DON'T DO THIS. This is like feeding bears (literal, not gay men, feed those bears if you want) they get all used to human and then before you know it, there's a bear on your couch, drinking your beer, telling you to take out the trash. BAD ADVICE. DON'T DO THIS.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] Sweat is by definition not cool. Not hot either, but you know, temperature wise... Why do you know my flavor notes? [User usually has supernatural smell; she knows Nova's notes.]

[...] I'm glad you called. And yeah, you have bed bugs now, and lice, and mites. Everything. So where are you sleeping now? The van again or? I've slept in my car and it fucking sucks. You're crazy for willingly doing it. Don't blow my head off literally just yet :( I have to be three time sandcastle champion first.

[punchalot]

[pm] Mm, sweat's hot on the right per You wouldn’t be saying that if my sweat was cheese. You’d be saying “go to a doctor” and “ew” and “is that cheddar or colby?”. Hey, this funny thing happens when you’re in close proximity to someone… I don’t know if you’ve heard about it? It’s called using your nose? Sorry, I know it's super obscure. I’ve actually been smelling things all my life. It's a passion. [...] Don’t rangers have extra-smell senses? I thought you guys use that stuff to track all of those dangerous, evil squonks.

I’m […] glad I called too. Sorta. Gee, all three? I guess my only solution is to sleep on the ground, go bald, and… take off all my skin? I’m not really sure what you do for mites. Yeah, sleeping in a car sucks. The van is a little nicer. It's a cargo van, and I lived out of the back area thing. Willing isn’t the word I’d use for It's still a little... smushed. I'm trying to fix fixing it, but I'm sleeping on a friend’s couch for now. Who is totally real, by the way. I know by saying that, they sound less real, but I have friends who own couches.

That was you the last two years? Hate to break it to you but that’s not gonna happen… because I’m gonna win this year. The use of alchemy is NOT cheating (according to me), and even though my castles explode every year, I’m completely confident in my abilities. I'll beat you twice. Physically and sandcastle-y.

[highoctanegem]

I do! Why wouldn't I? I've been seeing more TikToks about it recently. Which is a little nicer than being constantly teased with wienermobile backshots. [...] No deaths at all would be so nice :( I think we probably need more than two people to demand that, though. TPTB do love their carnage. But then, how do you think they would try to fill in all those plots? Like, something has to be happening, you know?

[pm] I've been known to bite people. 🤝 I'm not sure I'm wired to be just good, babe Like even resetting to factory settings would come with The evil would just leak from somewhere No way! My morals are way too strong to turn evil all willy-nilly. [user did, in fact, turn evil when she couldn't kiss her lady]. But weird stuff might happen, have you ever heard of fridging? That would make me go ballistic, and can you blame me? So you work out... like, you go to the gym and stuff? Why

I used to watch so many, but it's hard now, you know? If I see something, it'll probably be at the movies. Cause if I watch anything on any streaming services (which is a whole different issue), then I'll end up looking at my phone more than paying attention to the bigger screen.

Probably! I dunno if I could ever. But my buddy Daiyu recently got a big crash out inspired chop and she says it feels super nice. I bet Natasha Bedingfield was bald when she wrote that. My friend is totally okay! Back with the hunter kille It turned out it was just a break between them, #lovewins. I love you too <3 [user is genuine. user gets attached after two messages]

[punchalot]

Well, because a new planet close enough to earth and large enough that it’s visible with the naked eyes, and you can even make out the rings, is… I dunno…. RIDICULOUS. I heard about the weinermobile. I hope it’s dogs, BTW. That sounds more fun. [...] Something does not need to be happening! We can be a slice-of-life! Or a sitcom! What if we were a sitcom? Wouldn't that be nice, Jade?

[pm] You bite people but you're anti-vampire? MMM, little hypocritical. [User is teasing...mostly.] Yeah, I used to read comics. I know alllll about fridging. Actually, I can and would blame you if you turned evil. Grief sucks (understatement) sure but I'm pretty sure going on a murder spree (for example) is a choice. Yep. Work at the gym, actually. I teach self-defense classes.

Are you sure you don't have ADHD I like drawing while I watch stuff. Keeps my hands busy without distracting me. What kind of movies do you like when you do what them?

You know Daiyu? I know Daiyu. I though her chop was cute. I really liked how no strand was the same length. It takes real talent to cut your own hair that badly. Wait, do you mean pre or post her fixing it? I haven't seen it after she fixed it. I should ask for head pics. Is it weird to ask for head pics? [...] Wow, maybe I should call it anything other than "head pics". Oh, yeah. She was staring at the blank page, and she opened up the dirty window... which is totally bald activity. She released her in-hair-bitations. Aw, that's great. <3 But I'm still suspicious of y

[castillo-protocol]

Okay, sure, we'll call him "Harold" for now. [the user pauses and contemplates if Object 498 actually possesses will, sentience, or if it's teleportation antics stemmed from any mischievous intentions. She should probably do some studies when she gets it back.]

Uh, I mean you could, but I don't think you'd like it... unless you have nothing planned for the next few hours/ a day.

[punchalot]

Harold! What a cute name. Cute name for a cute guy.

OK, you are being so vague. This is Wicked’s Rest! I know my way around a cursed gnome. What’s Harold gonna do? Turn me into worms? Summon a singing shrimp? C’mon, everyone’s dealt with some magical object before. I have like ten on me right now. Or is Harold actually alive? Is he gonna stab me? Wouldn’t be the first time a gnome has done that, honestly. I don’t wanna brag but… things love to attack me.

[enthrallinglyeden]

Gobf is incapable of getting me. I am, in fact, trying to forget it existed, but people keep bringing it up. Why are you talking to me like I'm being held hostage [user glances at pfp], bald user?

[punchalot]

Because you are being held hostage! That’s how it starts. You try to forget and then it’s all you can think about.

Hey, I'm not bald! It’s like a glitch or something. The website took all my hair in my icon. Every time I try to upload a picture, it keeps taking away all my hair. You can’t just mention someone’s baldness, you [user squints at pfp] attractive user looking at phone?

[infinityandmadness]

I wouldn't know. Sure. Paddington baaaad. Boooo. Dumb bear.

Right. Comedy!

Sorry, would you prefer I called myself a mathematical prodigy instead? We were talking about numbers, figured it was a great time to bring it up, anyway. Perhaps I am just too proud of that? Do you know any mathematicians or prodigies? Does mentioning something I am, disqualify me from being humble? I did take some tests when I was a kid, yeah. But I won't say anymore, I'm trying to be more humble! You know? The world needs more humbleness in these trying times!

You don't like it? [Stares at the video and the tribute post about its explosion.] I also like to waste a lot of effort in things I don't care about. Why was it the worst outcome? Was it even a real planet? It smells fishy, all this gobf stuff.

[punchalot]

Dumb bear! Exactly! You get it, Erin.

Ha. Ha. OK, be a little less humble and tell me what's going on there. I think for me it's more of a question of what even constitutes a genius. So, y'know, it kinda does disqualify you when the word you use is "genius". But "prodigy" makes more sense.

Hey, I don't think any effort is wasted effort. Uh, well it looked like a real planet. It had a chartable course across the sky like any other astronomical object. I was in the process of attempting to measure its distance from the Earth when it exploded. So, now there's no answers. Oh, it probably smells fishy because of all the shrimp.

[themiddlebear]

Ok. Well, I never said it was a kink. You said that yourself. Good for you, live your truth, or whatever. Yeah, for movies and shit. Except Gobf Girl is just fucking stupid, in my opinion. But people seem to really like it. I'm just one person. I can assure you my opinion on this shit won't impact anyone. Look at you, you're still advocating for a Gobf that isn't exploded.

You think we'll be warned? I don't think so. I don't think there was much of a warning when the dinosaurs saw the meteors in the sky and shit. [user doesn't know if that's how it actually happened] I mean, we don't know that, because there's not talking to dinosaurs, you know? We don't know what the shrimp on Gobf experienced. Anything is possible if you just believe in Gobf, [user looks at the profile name] Nova.

[punchalot]

OK, the way you said it sorta implied that you thought I was into-it-into-it. No truth! I'm not living any truth! I don't like Gobf. I mean, I don't really look at real-life events and think they'd make a good movie. Gobf was really tragic. For... me. [...] You don't like Gobf Girl? But you think the main character is, like, cool and awesome right? Like, not weird. And really normal? It's impacting me I'm advocating for answers!

The dinosaurs didn't have cameras, telescopes and radars. We would be warned. Also asteroid not meteor, and it didn't destroy the earth, and it also didn't wipe out all dinosaurs. Y'know. Birds. We have birds. And it would've been visible for days (if not weeks) in the night sky, getting bigger. Rules do exist about these sorts of things; there are always warnings. Our survival isn't predetermined but massive changes come with signs. We might not be looking for them, but they're there. Things don't just happen all at once. ANYTHING IS NOT POSSIBLE.

[causefulmoon]

No, you don't get it. It's like, there's a wienermobile, right? It's either hot dogs or like, real dogs, and me and Jade want to figure it out. We gotta figure it out, you know? So if you see it, lmk <3

There's literally nothing alike in those two words??? Hello??? Um. Well, if you KNEW about it, you'd know exactly what I was talking about, so?????????

[punchalot]

Aw, I hope it’s dogs. That’d be cute. Is it just a wiener-shaped vehicle driving around? Does it... do anything?

Are you kidding? Clem and Clam are basically the same word. You could be Clam any day. Someone could come along and change your "E" to an "A" and you'd be Clam. You'd turn into Clamentine and I wouldn't put it past this town to Clam you. Wow, yeah, if I knew about it then I would know about it.

[loveandluc]

[pm] Not that I know of? It doesn't usually come up naturally in conversation. I don't know, the people here would make it nice, I think.

Eh, it's fine, you just got a bit excited. No, cause he totally knew he would have lost! Money is for sure good, violence bad.

Yup! [user is blushing] I mean, you have nice arms too. In a non-weird way. Not that you're being weird, I just don't want you to think I'm being weird. Anyway, not a lot of stuff recently, still just bits and bobs, very aspiring big actor haha. I did used to live in LA! It was suuuper competitive, though. Just sort of ended up here? Like it too much to leave.

[punchalot]

[pm] Really? I'm always asking people I meet "Hey! Are you an orphan?". [...] That's a joke. Obviously. It's just, y'know, with the death-rate here being so high, I think they might be more common than you think. Aw, that's really optimistic of you, Luc.

Money good, violence bad. Yep. We smart make good choice. Rematch Trevor soon. Beat ass.

Y'know I learned from experience that telling people you mean it in a non-weird way makes it more weird for them. I mean, I like weird but people are really weird about weird. We're just two people with some hot arms, in a non-weird way. Can't imagine Maine as a lot of jobs for you though. Hey, you see that play someone is putting on? [User links to Jenny's post.] You auditioning for that? I'll come see you! [...] You like Wicked's Rest? And you're sure you don't have a concussion?

[castillo-protocol]

Uh, they actually don't have a name. Not outside their number designation anyway. But please don't touch their booty cheeks or their face cheeks or anything! Just don't!

[punchalot]

You gotta name them. They're so cute! And they're so innocent and unassuming in appearance, like they have no evil intentions at all. Which is what I look for in a lawn gnome.

Why not? You saying that kinda makes me want to touch them more.