hot bear summer

sawyer rhodes / 28 / insurance agent @ shroomstate / horror queen

[rudydoobydoo]

With all of the pirate weirdness in town, there are many people who have a lot of questions. Frankly, they seem to be the tip of the iceberg in terms of things people have questions on. That's why I have decided to formally launch my junior private investigation service! Enigmas, Inc. is officially up and running. If you are a UMWR student or faculty member (or really anybody, but jobs off campus will cost more.) with a sneaking suspicion that something isn't 100% as it seems, then please feel free to reach out.

I've gone ahead and attached an image of my 100% official professional business card. Please reach out only if you have a serious business inquiry! I look forward to cracking some cases with you all.

[user attaches the following very professional and serious looking image]

[hotbearsawyer]

Hm, I don't have a need for an investigator right now, but I think this is a great idea! All sorts of crazy shit happens on that campus. Or so I've heard. I never went to school there. But I've heard so many stories. You're going to be so busy!

[brassandrot]

Good morning fellow musicians,

if you've been listening to the radio late at night, you might have heard of me, or you've even heard me play music live, if not, congratulations on your healthy sleeping schedule.

It has come to my attention that we do not have a town orchestra yet and I am most certain that we have musicians around Wicked's Rest (and neighboring towns) that would love to play together.

If you'd be interested, I'll be welcoming interested parties on the first three days of next months between 1 and 5 pm at the radio station.

I look forward to meeting fellow musicians !

Regards,

Ishan Raval

[hotbearsawyer]

Good morning Ishan,

I love this idea! We absolutely need an orchestra in town. I play the [user googles instruments in an orchestra] clarinet. We should all get together and do this!

Do you accept shrimp musicians? My shrimps are percussionists and would love to participate.

Sincerely,

Sawyer Rhodes

[themiddlebear]

I'm going to fucking kill god damm fuck

Midnight D

The Midnight Driv

The fuck

Movie theatre. The drive in one. Free movie if you bring your own ranch packets. Don't ask me why. Just bring them. Don't bring expired ones.

My boss really wants them, so just bring them.

[hotbearsawyer]

Why can't I bring expired ones?

[thinkmekoi]

Hello.

There are many worms. Would anybody like to participate in accumulating the worms? I have plenty. I can give them to you! Free of charge. Please help me.

[hotbearsawyer]

You should sell the worms.

[stardustonthebay]

[pm] God, yes, I refuse letting people think we're a bunch of summerbodies living for two months on World's End Isle. Explosions, shrimp, worms, bear and seal. Easy. If you don't have the tools, lemme know. When I moved out, my dad bought me this giant ass toolkit with every size screwdriver, key, and wrench you could think of. 'So I didn't come steal his'.

[ user snorts at the image of her falling off the back of the cart ] God, could you imagine? You hit the gas, and I go rolling off like something in a cartoon?

[hotbearsawyer]

[pm] [User rummages around in her family's shed.] We have tools! I know what to do with some of them, but I am so not expert. I bet there's YouTube videos out there. Look up a tutorial like, How To Build A Trunk On A Golf Cart For Your Selkie Friend. Also, bring your toolkit just in case I'm missing anything.

Whoosh off you go, rolling down a hill. I think the whole thing would be like a cartoon for any onlookers. Bear driving a golf cart with a seal? I bet someone would make a cartoon show about us.

[nicsalazar]

Poison.

You ate dirt growing up, didn't y I care. You acuse accuse said I did shit I didn't. What's marks thing marketing?

[hotbearsawyer]

Ugh. You and someone else are both saying that to me. Clearly it was not poisonous! I'm fine!

I didn't mean to message you Marketing is, like, when a business finds some fun and cute way to advertise their product. Like jingles and artwork and whatever.

[dirtypawscleanboots]

HA. Right. One too many beers tonight. Sorry, about that. Well, you have my vote.

[hotbearsawyer]

Totally happens. I guess. But yay! Great! I'm glad to hear it.

[necrosemancy]

You have any more conclusions you want to take a flying leap into, or are we good with my stance on your shirtless crusade?

[hotbearsawyer]

[...] Fine. You can have your stance, but it does not mean I have to like it.

[vivlennox]

I'd be chill with it if it was a part of life and not the whole fucking experience.

[hotbearsawyer]

Okay, dark. Sounds rough.

[loveandluc]

Perfect! Now I'm having anxiety on whether I'd rather be in the role of the scientist or the astronaut, though, they both sound epic. How high do you think we could swing for a semi-famous costar considering the B-listing?

[hotbearsawyer]

Hon, you'd be perfect as the astronaut. You'd look hot in the astronaut suit. Which is hard to do because it looks bulky and goofy, but you would pull it off! You're the astronaut. Hmm, I'm thinking we could get someone semi-famous. Or at least we could get someone famous from the area! I'm thinking Bella Worme or Zoe Shrimpitz. Or Jensen Ackles. I mean, Jensen isn't from here but I bet we could get him to play the scientist.

[highoctanegem]

Hiiii, Sawyer! I'm Jade Bloodworth, a pleasure for you to meet me. I'm super glad someone's finally trying to do something about this town. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if those seats have been empty for years, that's the only explanation I can find for why everything is so sucky all the time. That and the government experiment conspiracy, but that one's a little less fun, cause they could've at least, thrown in some hot aliens to make the horrors worth it.

But anyway, totally rooting for hot, young, talented babes to take matters into their own hands. It's what we need to kick those old farts. [user reads the PowerPoint] Oh, you can totally count on my vote. And my bone partner's, we've long been detractors of clothes in general. This will just make it easier for us to live our truth. Also! I see you have Baz on your team, I looooove them, and I'm in full support of any idea they get. Normally I'd love to jump in on a more proactive role, but I'm a little too booked and busy right now. If you'd love an advisor of any kind, though, you can totally talk to me. I've got great ideas too!

[hotbearsawyer]

Hi, Jade! Yes, such a pleasure to meet you! I love meeting the public and my future constituents! Ooo, what government experiment conspiracy have you heard? Like, I've lived here most of my life and I've defs heard some crazy conspiracies over the years. I bet we're living in the land version of Bikini Bottom.

OMG! Thank you so much!!! I am so glad you and your bone partner are anti-clothes too! I know it's controversial and I've already gotten some pushback from people, but it will definitely make the town better for everyone. Baz is such a genius! They have the best ideas, and they're helping out with my campaign merch. And I'd love to pick your mind and hear your ideas!! How do you think we can improve our town?

[bazzledazzle]

Oh, we should absolutely have shirts! Little pins as well. I'll be in charge of the design, so it won't be tacky. And I'll recruit shirtless men for the video! [user will be promise binding as many men as they can. watch out wicked's rest.]

[hotbearsawyer]

Oooo!! I'd love a pin! Aw, you're such a gem. Cannot wait to see how many men you show up with! I'm thinking we should shoot the ad sometime next weekend. I'm thinking maybe somewhere iconic around town, like the Null Crater or possibly one of the cemeteries. Harmony Hill has a gorgeous view of the ocean.

[incatsclothing]

It's whatever. Chocolate's kind of overrated anyway, you know? There are, like, way better flavors out there.

[hotbearsawyer]

Is it? Chocolate is definitely yum in my opinion. Though I do go crazy for vanilla sometimes too. Vanilla just hits the spot once in a while.

[irlsunbeam]

[pm] Do you like mushroom pizza?

[hotbearsawyer]

[pm] [...] I guess. It's fine.

[bladesandtrades]

Nothing wrong with being stupid, they're definitely happier for it. But animals are definitely dumb. [user attaches a close up picture of Boaz's face which he feels proves his point. boaz does indeed look very, very stupid in this photo]

Then why the fuck are you bothering with I'd hate to be taking away the business opportunity from one of these close friends or family members, you're sure they don't want to bling corpses with you? And sure, I'll come to your funeral as long as it's a weird one.

[hotbearsawyer]

Okay so that animal looks dumb, but many animals are super intelligent. Is that your pet snake?

Mm, babe, we're not blinging corpses. Just the bags! Maybe coffins and urns if we decide to branch out. I'm sure they don't want to be involved anyway, especially because you're such a great business partner!

[castillo-protocol]

That could work. Maybe attack like a go pro to the katamari before we toss it in so we can see if it's truly bottomless.

[hotbearsawyer]

Would we have to get the go pro to see the footage though? Is there, like, a cloud so we can see the video footage?

[kellydays]

I'll send your complaint up the chain of command, if you're all that bothered by it. [User rolls his eyes at the idea of a worm invasion. As if.]

What you do in your off time ain't none of my business. [...] Though, I was thinkin' about helpin' the kid with a little arts and crafts project he came up with. See, he wanted to figure out how much food dye it'd take to turn one of his stuffed animals blue. Permanently. Liable to get messy, but I don't want to shut down his imagination. Was thinkin' the pool might be a great stagin' area. Though, you know how it is... I might have to sneak some hair dye in there, too. Save us some time.

[hotbearsawyer]

Please do!!!

Aww, that's so cute! A fun little arts and crafts project! Hm, so the plan is to put hair dye in the pool too? Would the hair dye also be blue? Just wondering! I've kind of been in need of a new color anyway. If you want to toss in some pink, I bet that'd be fun too! I'm sure it'll look great on my fur hair.

P.S. I've been chatting with Zack! Such a cutie. Anyway, he's, like, scared worried about fire and wants some extra insurance coverage in case of a fire at your home. You should add some time to your visit at ShroomState to discuss our insurance options. I wouldn't want your [...] housemate to be scared or worried about your belongings in case of a fire.