Uhh...hi. @punkspongebob - Tumblr Blog

New shoes! Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with Converse. The fact that they're purple with a unicorn on them makes them even cooler. I didn't even need a new pair, nor was I looking for a new pair; but as soon as I saw them, I knew I had to have them. The best part? They were only $20.00. 😁😁 #Converse #shoes #purple #love #unicorn #awesome

#love #shoes #purple #awesome #converse #unicorn

So..

So I’m sitting here just thinking about shit I really shouldn’t think about. I just lost my job almost a week ago, over something that was completely avoidable. To make a long story short, I fucked up. Now I’m sitting here unemployed thinking about how I’m going to provide for my family. I really let everyone down this time. I had been at my job for six years. Six fucking years and I fucked all of it up over a two month span. I feel like a piece of shit. I’m trying to get out of this hole I dug for myself, but it’s hard. Its difficult to get up everyday thinking that you don’t deserve to.

I look at my life now and ask myself “What the fuck happened?” I used to be this girl who never got in trouble. I always followed the rules. I was always the good kid. The only one out of the three of us kids that has graduated high school. (My sister will end up graduating, but not for a few more years.) The only one in my family who has registered for college and will hopefully be starting soon. Now I’m sitting here at midnight, writing a long ass post about how I fucked up. Family and friends are still there for me, for some reason. I honestly thought that once people found out what had happened, they would walk away and never speak to me again. I feel like I don’t deserve their support. I don’t feel like I deserve any support. I beat myself up constantly over what happened. I’m better than that. If I’m so much better, why did I let it continue to happen? That’s a question I can’t even answer.

I guess all I can do now is just try to stay positive. Its easier said than done. Hopefully, a few months down the road, I can come back to this post and honestly say that I have improved. Only time will tell.