now, look, i’m not ever one to turn down Ambassador Project volunteers, but i do have to make sure you understand the ramifications of this choice for legal reasons. you’re sober?
good. you’re of sound mind and body and all that?
good. ok, now, you understand that this is permanent. if you decide you don’t like it, you can’t change your mind. you won’t have a human body anymore and even if we still had it the surgery to put you back is so dangerous that we don’t do it. you understand all that? this isn’t a movie. you can’t just jump between them. you do this, there’s no undoing it.
well, you still seem eager, so we’ll take you. want to see her? follow me
this is her! we call her W-239, that’s her batch number, but you can keep the same name you use now or you can pick a different one; it’s up to you. she’s 35ish feet long from nose to tailtip and she weighs just shy of a thousand pounds
yeah, dragons are lighter than you’d expect from the size since they have to be able to get off the ground. oh, her wingspan is huge, thereabouts ninety feet! we’re not sure, her wings have never been open
no, she just has a vat-grown brainstub. all it does is keep her lungs and heart running and turn the iv nutrients we give her into dragon cells. she’s barely even alive. your brain is what gives her all the personality.
oh, no, the surgery is really safe as long as we go this way. we just knock you out, pop your brain out, and splice it into her spinal cord so you can control her body. it sounds scary, but it’s really not. there’s a reason your batch number starts with 200, we’ve literally done it hundreds of times and never had a single failure. don’t worry at all
yeah, you’re gonna get to be that. it’s pretty cool, isn’t it?
ok, follow me. this part is somewhat embarrassing. we need you to strip down so we can take 360° scans of your human body. no, it’s a legal thing. if you ever decide you want to look human again for any reason, you can do some shapeshifting magic. dragons are good at that sort of thing. you won’t be human, but you’ll be just about impossible to tell without DNA testing. anyway, we give you scans of your former body in your exit packet just in case, so you can look as close as you can to how you look now
arms up. arms out. arms to your sides. legs apart. bend forward. bend back. squat down? stand on your tiptoes? ok, nice, that’s all of them.
ok, come lay down here! we’re gonna put this iv in you to deliver the anesthetic. you’re gonna feel a little pinch- good. you did it! ok, this is room-temperature, so it’s gonna feel cold in your arm as we push it. just try to relax and count backwards from ten with me, ok? when you wake up, you’ll be in the new body!
10… 9… 8…
7… 6…
5…
4…
Goop Room in 2050 be like:
It will still be a bar and some random drunk dude might walk down there, but that’s his problem.
