the art of a one-sided breakup
I know how you feel. I've been in your shoes before, and I know exactly what you're dealing with. A guy who is emotionally unavailable. Someone who doesn’t pull you through your darkest hours when you can't do it yourself. A relationship that is one-sided. Late nights wasted, deprived of sleep, waiting for a text message. Just one. But nothing. I've been there. I've felt your pain.
It sounds like our previous relationships weren't too far apart. When everyone in the class ships you and some guy together, you can't help but feel pressured in the back of your mind. A bit of excitement, and the thought that, wow everyone seems to like us together. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe he's the one. Then you guys actually become a couple and you've managed to fill up the empty holes by posting everything on social media, displaying a façade that your relationship is the best and you're unbelievably content. That your relationship is the best one out there, even when after those pictures were taken, an awkward silence followed. Each picture posted on social media only showed the emptiness left on your end.
You let your relationship open to the public that everyone would probably judge and watch your every move. Especially after you announce the break up through social media. You need to be strong. People's opinions do not matter. And I know, once again, exactly how you feel.
I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart. Through the majority of high school, we were a very big love team. One of the biggest, if I were to brag. If ever I would encounter someone from school outside of the academic campus, the first thing they would ask me would be about him. It felt like he was the only thing people could talk to me about. The only reason I was even invited to my batchmate's debuts was because I was dating him. It was pathetic. It made me feel like I was a nobody without him.
I stayed with him for such a long time because every time I would post something on social media about us, people would always comment positive things like, "relationship goals!" or "kamo na!" or flood the comments with hearts. I relied heavily on their comments without even realizing that in the end, none of these people mattered. I stayed with him because we were "high school sweethearts". I knew him for so long. I had invested so much of myself and my time in him.
I broke up with him because I realized that what I thought was normal in our relationship, actually wasn't. it wasn't healthy at all. I spent a lot of nights crying over him, thinking I wasn't good enough or that I wasn't doing something right. I would sacrifice my sleep just to stay up and wait for him to come online and text me once he got home from school, only to realize that he would probably never come online until the next day. I invested so much. I got nothing back. It's funny because I actually wanted to break up with him even before we were officially in a relationship. I said yes to being official because I thought he would change. He never did. I broke up with him when I finally couldn't see a future with him anymore. At the beginning, I noticed our different paths and goals for the future. The future seemed so far away, I didn't think much of it. But the sooner I got to graduation, the sooner I realized that I could not imagine myself married to someone like him; someone who doesn't respect my family or myself, someone who limits me in what I do, tells me what I should and shouldn't do, and someone who doesn't give me the affection or attention that all humans desire.
Finally deciding to break up with him was the biggest itch. I couldn't wait to get it over with. Funnily enough, the first time I asked to spend time with him ( so I could break up with him), he turned me down. I got him back the next day, though. The last time he would ever get me. Even while I was breaking up with him, which took 2 hours, I was already bored. I was thinking, ugh just go home already. I'm tired of this. All the crying that took place that night. If only he knew all the other tears I had secretly shed over him. That night was the last night I ever cried over him.
I jokingly told some of my friends a few weeks prior that I wanted to break up with him. They jokingly gave me support. When I told them I actually broke up with him, they gave me genuine support. They all saw what kind of person he was. However, when the talk got around town, I tried not to let it bother me. People in my batch would randomly come up to me and ask, "Did you break up with him?" And I said yes. I told them I was feeling fine because I was. I felt nothing afterward, in fact, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt free. No more pain.
Two weeks passed. That's all it took for me to find love again. This time, with a close friend. I knew I was perfectly stable, despite a period of two weeks since my last break up. I heard about this thing called a 3-month rule, where you have to wait 3 months until you date again, but I believe it's bullshit. Never underestimate your inner being. If you think you're okay, you're okay. I knew I was okay. People around me were shocked though when they heard I was dating someone else. For the first month, I was scared to hold his hand. We both treaded carefully to make sure we didn't cross paths with unwanted faces. I was scared that people would judge me, thinking that I was a typical white American girl who changed boys just like the weather. They didn't know the whole story, and they aren't obliged to. My business is mine. I am not entitled to tell anyone else about my life. Don't let your life choices be dictated by stupid online quotes or rules made by petty folks.
I want you to know that the pain is only temporary. You may feel like your worst is happening now. Cry. Let the pain feel. Write it down. Don't forget what you're feeling. When the time comes, you'll feel better. You'll look back on these dark days and you'll realize how high you've come. The sun always comes back out after a thunderstorm. The sun always rises after the dark.
