Chaos, Only Chaos

I’m Renelle, but I'm just a small writer in a big world. Here’s some of my poems and other writing excerpts. So yah. And dms are always welcome because you people are beautiful.

[purplefire250]

My Star

Hold me close, But not too tightly, For we are fragile creatures. That is ok, Because in the end, We are paintings, Consisting of the endless colours, Of the galaxies we are made of. Though we are fragile, We are not limited. Go, on Tell the star Whose dust rushes through your veins, That it was powerless. When it had become you, And one day, It will be a star again. All this time it still was. Yes we are fragile, But we are also, Eternal.

[purplefire250]

I am eternally destined

To love more

Then I will ever be loved

To desire more

Than I will ever be desired

To dream more

Than I will ever accomplish

I am trapped within

Disappointment

Loneliness is nurtured by

My hope

Dreams will remain as just

Dreams

The attainment of want

evades me

Leaving behind

Empty space

- r.m.

[purplefire250]

I know it was your time to leave,

And yet I can’t shake the tremors

That you have left my heart with.

How am I supposed to heal?

When you were the one I counted on?

Sometimes I can forget

Forget that you are gone

When my mind is distracted

By focusing on mundane things

But when I remember

When I see yet another thing

That reminds me of my love for you

The wound tears open

As if the stitches were nothing more

Then silk from a spider.

I know it was your time to leave,

And yet here I lie

Wishing you were still with me

Helping keep my heart from freezing.

- r.m.

[purplefire250]

When I lay at night, staring at the dim street light grasping through the closed shutters, I forget the act.

I forget to be funny, to laugh, to smile, to feel.

I listen to the sound of silence, and all I feel inside me is an ache that lies in the deepest part of my soul. An ache that echoes within the core of my very being.

In the silence and dark of my life, I become nothing other than this ache, straining to be free, straining to feel.

To feel

Anything.

[purplefire250]

Somehow

I am here again

Somehow

I have found myself crying,

Feeling lost,

Broken,

Singing those Dear Evan Hansen songs.

Somehow

That shattered 15 year old girl,

Never left.

Somehow

After all these years

I am still her.

- r.m.

[anotheremotionalmind]

I am aware that I am broken.

A broken soul.

But when he holds me

I feel like

One Day

I will be someone

Who is not

So cold

Who is not so

Distant.

[purplefire250]

You look at the wrapped bouquet,

Eyes bright with excitement,

For the full roses you expect.

But as you open it up,

You see my wilted weeds

of dandelions and purple thistles,

And you frown.

You are not the first,

to feel that disappointment in me.

I have always saw my bouquet,

As something beautiful.

Full of purples and yellows,

Thistles to protect them from harm.

But people only frown upon seeing them,

As of they expected something

much greater.

So every time

I disappoint.

No one has seen beauty in my bouquet,

And if they do,

They do not see it for long.

It is beautiful until a thistle pricks their finger,

Or a dandelion browns and dies,

Then the disappointment returns.

And with every new person I meet,

I wonder and fear,

Will they also be disappointed,

By the only bouquet I can offer?

-r.m.

[purplefire250]

The city lights fog over the starry night sky, blinding light will fill your eyes with dots and colours, dancing words and sentences can steer you away from their true meaning.

I suppose that sometimes light is only successful in hiding the beauty of the darkness.

Sometimes we need to peer into the shadows.

For if we only see the sun, then we will never breath in the stars.

[purplefire250]

I’m not ready

I don’t think I ever will be

The only path ahead of me is endless

A lonely railway

Enclosed by the tight walls

Of a tunnel

I have to walk forward

But I know that behind any turn

Will be that barreling train

And it will not slow down for me

The train does not come often

So much so

That I begin to wonder

Whether a train is coming at all

Then I hear it’s shrill whistle

Echoing far away in the tunnel

And I am reminded

Of my doom

How much longer

Will this courage last

To keep my steps frequent

And open my eyes to search

For a mythic exit

Because how can I live

Knowing my only fate

Is pain?

[cyberkiller125]

[purplefire250]

If I am anything great

Then I am a sliver of the moon

Forever waning in the night sky

I am a tear in the stars

Not bright enough to be noticed

By casual viewers

And yet I am the master of tides

A scale for this world

Working silently in the depths

But not quite invisible

I am seen by the ones

Who look beyond the stars

Who allow themselves to wonder

Upon my quiet existence

-r.m.

[purplefire250]

Limitless

I am not really here,

And here I stand.

But if I am being honest,

My soul is reaching out to worlds,

That I don’t even know exist.

There, my voice is the song of rain,

And my beauty is that of the moon.

I am a warrior in that other-world,

A guardian of every weak soul,

Feared and awed by every passerby.

Thunder booms with every footfall

And the earth shakes with my cry.

I am great.

I am beyond.

I am limitless.

That is where my soul longs.

Still, I stand here

Weak, uncertain,

Damaged.

This truth brings me no joy.

I am nothing.

[purplefire250]

i choose this

over and over again

i choose the foundation

you’ve made with your arms

i choose the sugary taste 

of every kiss you give

i choose the hurt 

of going long weeks without you

i choose to follow your light

that pierces my darkness

i will always choose this

again and again

i choose you.

- r.m.

[purplefire250]

Hourglass

she squeezes my hand,

so gentle and patient,

cross-legged in the sand.

the sun casts an ember glow,

and we sit with shut lips,

listening to the sleeping waves,

as the hourglass drips.

-r.m.

[beforethefilm]

“Was it harder to die, or harder to be the one who survived?”

— Ruta Sepetys, Between Shades of Gray (via thoughtkick)

[purplefire250]

I envy the gods

Not because I wish I was one

Or that I long for the power

Instead that they can watch the sunsets

High above the clouds

And they can dance among our galaxy

Sipping from the Milky Way

A shine of glitter in gold

They can visit the unseen beings

Who prowl amongst our world

Hidden from the gaze of mortals

This is why I envy the gods

As I look up at a sky

Full of dark clouds.

- r.m.

[beforethefilm]

i feel the loss

of you

as if i could feel

the loss

of my own heart

because you are not just 

a part of me

you are the very reason 

i take each breath