The Void

I’m the shittiest person I know.

[star-ve-inthedark]

some of my fav th1n$p0

credit to their owners!!!!!

[bakwaaas]

it’s both comforting and heartbreaking that over time you will slowly forget the little details of someone you once loved so deeply until their memory is just a hazy blur like a dream you once had and can’t quite remember anymore

[pursuing----perfection]

i still write you postcards. i never stopped.

[love-letters-i-never-sent]

[pursuing----perfection]

were you really claustrophobic or did you actually just want out of my bed/away from me. why did you sleep on the couch so often

[pursuing----perfection]

i dreamt last night. vividly. i was hooking up with someone and listening to her breathe and moan in my ear. we held each other so close and firmly. tangled in blankets drenched in sweat. suddenly seen by a roommate who hadn’t been there moments before. chagrined, i offered to take her back to mine. some privacy. finish what we started. we get home and i open up my bedroom door to see you. you’re asleep. soft and warm in lion blanket on my bed.

firstly, freshly picked off scab for the life we could have had. the life we planned. the life i shattered.

second. some clear symbolism that you are still in my bed. which i knew but is now unignorable. i cannot take anyone to bed without you and the damage we suffered coming with. i need to heal and i don’t know how. do i have the right when i’m the one who walked away. fuck.

[blck-xcvi]

created by blck-xcvi.tumblr.com

instagram: @blck.xcvi

[fridayiminlovemp3]

that was my part of the deal, honest

[pursuing----perfection]

i dreamt about you last night.

you came over and we had sex that you initiated and wanted and we were both sweaty by the end of it. like the last time. as we were coming down you asked to tie me. after all this we hung out with your sisters. and i just … i don’t know why my brain is handing me all my pain about us now. i really shattered something so good. we never made 3am pancakes dancing in the kitchen and i’m sorry about that. i wasn’t good for you.

[pursuing----perfection]

i’m so so so so so sorry AJ. i had no idea what i threw away.

[pursuing----perfection]

i want controlllllllllllll i want to fucking HURT myself

[pursuing----perfection]

you ignored it. hoping it would go away. that i would go away. guess fucking what. i’m not.

and when you realized i wasn’t going away you fucking LIED

[pursuing----perfection]

what i remember is what i experienced and what i experienced is what i remember. “let me correct your memory” no. no you won’t. bc what i remember is what i experienced and what i experienced is what i remember.

asking someone to remove emotion from their voice. asking them to remove their intentions from their tone or how you took it. is more than just your old survival strategy. it’s your way of goddamn protecting yourself.

fuck i just want an ounce of compassion from you. that’s it.

[librarycard]

i couldn’t fix him. but i could fuck him

[pursuing----perfection]

happy birthday

[aroallo-culture-is-archive]

Alloaro culture is thinking the reason you liked flirting without wanting a romantic relationship was because you’re a Libra 😅

.

[sansgod]

the magical duration where our lives make sense together is making me cry