Letter to Eldest Sister.
So, 9 years ago, I wrote something for you. I reminisced on how I adapted to the transition of you from the single sister to a mother of my nieces and nephews. It was difficult, but it had to happened. Letting you go to be with the love of your life was probably one of the hardest pill I had to take. I was selfish, childish, I was worried, I wanted to be with you forever if I could, but life does not work like that. Seeing you happy now with kids, living the life you created, is a privilege for me to learn that sometimes life does not have to be MY WAY all the time, but we went through our own, and that's fine.
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Years went by, 12 years after you got married, I got married. You sat there in front of me at the alter, I bowed down, and I heard you whispered "hey, look up" -- that way my tears wont fall down. Its like you telling me that whenever life knocks you down, the only way to go is up. There's a bigger power up there that looks down on us. Thank you for accepting my beliefs without any judgments and accepting my husband for the way he is. At the altar, I was so scared to sit in front of you and pamitan to live a new life. Turned out you were the most comforting one, I hears you kept telling Ray "please take care of my little sister, sayangi dia cintai dia, just love her the way she needed to be loved, aku percaya kamu bisa."
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15 years ago, I had my first heartbreak, as much as I want to forget about it, I will forever remember your infamous "you will be fine, one day" -- You know what, I am fine now, in the arms of the love of my life, a man that I chose over any obstacles, once again you were right, it is fine, and I am in that "one fine day", loving this little life of mine. <3
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I woke up yesterday, noticing that we have been separated by distance for years now, but the love remains the same, stronger. I also woke up noticing that it was your birthday. I got emotional since I knew I am pregnant on December. I remember the first ultrasound I had, all I wanted was you and second sister to witnessed. So I videocalled every sisters including my in laws, I apologize for making you cry in the middle of you working hehe. The youngest is becoming a mother soon.
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In the next few weeks, I'll be delivering a life into this world. You unconsciously taught me live life, even to be a mother. I will be confused, but I know if you can do it, then I can do it too. Here I would like to thank you for being my sister in this lifetime. You may not always here physically, so do I, and I apologize for not being the perfect sister to you either, but thank you for being the strongest one, even in our deepest sorrow and despair, you tried to kept our chins up. Remember, "look up" :)
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And when I search for the beauty in life, I look at every flower I can find, there I found you. Forever will be our most beautiful flower Ibu and Bapak has ever created. Happy birthday, my eldest.