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@qtjohnlogan
March 9, 1999
The Whitney
she looks so perfect (part 6) - john logan x reader
summary: john logan was your best friend and the guys, allie, and hannah were your family. everyone knows that you had liked logan for forever but you knew that he didn't feel the same way about you. logan was with grace and you respected it. you couldn't even hate her for it - she's perfect and she's perfect for him. it's okay though, your family's got you. but things spiralled, and grace was harmed in the middle and you felt so awful about it.
Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
warnings: sad, angst, sad logan, sad grace, hard truths
author's note: lols forget logan, just kidding (somewhat) they should kiss!!! but - girls gotta stick together !!! how are u liking the series so far??? What are your favourite parts??? Lmk :)
Your hand shook as it hovered over the wood of Graceâs sophomore apartment door, trembling. You had asked a few times over the last few weeks, Hannah and Allie to tell you how Grace was doing but they didn't want you to feel bad. For someone who was in so much pain, you worried about Grace more than yourself.
You held your breath out in the hall of Grace's apartment. You shut your eyes. This is a bad idea. Garrettâs words echoed in your head like a warning siren: âDonât be a fucking idiot okayâyou know she doesn't want to see you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. It's just not a good idea, got it?.â He was trying to protect you. He was trying to protect everyone, because thatâs what Garrett Graham did when his friends started spinning out of control. You glared at him as he scolded you after you had shared your plan to try to fix things - and you just wanted to make sure Grace was okay.
You and Logan weren't speaking. You avoided him and there was no real conversation since the day at Malone's after he walked out. He had texted a few times, Hannah and Allie had told you about his fight about you, in the backyard with Garrett. This has been the longest you both have had not spoken in all time of knowing, if you don't count the time that you had a persistent sore throat for 2 weeks straight last winter - but nothing like this. This felt like you'd never speak to him again - and you regretted the way you spoke to him in Malone's that day. If you had acted normal, pushing down your feelings and if you hadn't caused this all to ripple - none of this would have been happening.
The silence between you and Logan was a vast, and felt almost irreconcilable. How do you ever recover from something like this? How could you face anyone after you indirectly were the reason the kindest, sweetest girl was crushed by your lack of boundaries and your blurred lines with Logan? You were grieving him, it felt like a death. You couldn't sleep or eat. You're lucky that you had only had two finals left when all this erupted. You were mourning the loss of the person who always saw the goodness in you when you could had lived like you didn't value your life, he knew you better than anyone, who couldnât let you go until the universe forced his hand.
But as much as your heart felt physical, literal pain, Graceâs was the one that have every right to feel this way - way more than you. Logan had been hers. He belonged to her, and she had been caught in the middle as unfortunate collateral damage, unspoken entanglement - that none of you knew was even happening until that day - that she never asked or ever would agree to be a part of.
Holding the painkillers, electrolytes and tea packets in the small bin holding them - you had brought them for Grace, not as a peace offering but these were the things helping you so you extended it to her too - just in case. Taking a sharp breath before you could lose your nerve, you gently knocked.
The silence that followed was heavy. For a second, you thought she might ignore it. But then came the soft click of a lock, and the door creaked open, with Grace peering out from behind, almost hiding.
She looked fragile. Her usual bright energy was dimmed, her eyes slightly puffy, wearing an oversized sweatshirt that you painfully recognized as Loganâs. When she saw you, her expression didn't harden into anger. It just... fell. She starred at you for a second, like it was dream like - like there would be no way you were standing at her door right now.
"Y/N," she breathed, "Hi," her voice small. "W-what are you doing here?"
"Sorry - Garrett told me not to bother you and I probably shouldn't be here right now but I just needed to say some things to you. S-sorry, I can-I can leave"you said quickly, your throat tight. "I know you don't want to see me-" you whispered painfully. "I just-" There was no malice in her eyes, just a profound, exhausting sadness. "That's-it's okay, I don't not want to see you," she said opening up the door a bit more, a bit more relaxed. She looked up at you with almost hopeful glassy grey-blue eyes.
"Oh," you said surprised. Your shoulders relaxing for a second. You didn't expect her to say that. "Well, I need you to hear this, Grace." You took a breath. "I'm not saying this because I want to fix any of it because I know I can't. But I just need you to know that you are so incredibly special, Grace," you were so genuine, you just needed her to hear it.
"You're- you're a good person, Grace. You're kind, funny, the prettiest person I have ever seen honestly. Everything about you. You are just so special. You are not broken, there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing about you that isn't good enough," your eyes pleaded that she heard you with an earnest tone in your weak voice.
"It was never your fault. None of this was because of you, and I'm really sorry you're hurting. I wish I could take it away. It's my fault, I should have been clear with my boundaries - I tried to distance myself and I already stepped away when I could. I-I should have been clearer. It wasn't fair to you. I just need you to know that you didn't deserve any of this and you can hate me if you want-"
"I don't-" Grace interrupted you, "I don't hate you, y/n...It's not your fault," Even when she was suffering she was gracious and kind.
You took a small quiet breath, stepping back to give her space.
"I just...I just wanted you to know that I think you're wonderful and that I am sorry," your voice stammered, her eyes welled up with glossy tears. "You deserve every good thing."
She looked up at you, her eyes searching your face. There was no hatred thereâjust the mutual, tragic understanding of two girls who had loved the same boy, both left bruised in his wake.
"Thank you, y/n/n," Grace whispered, her voice trembling but steadying, her using your nickname as a sign of the glimpse of girlhood you shared. She reached out to squeeze your hand in silent agreement that she indeed did not hate you, and actually still had kind care for you.
You gave a small smile with tears in your eyes.
"Iâm not going to ," you said quietly. "Iâm not going to keep being friends with Logan."
The words hung in the quiet apartment, heavy and absolute. Graceâs eyes widened slightly, a flicker of shock crossing her face. "Y/N... he's your best friend."
"And look what it did," you replied with a sad, final shake of your head. "It just hurts people, and it just wrecks things."
"...Y/N, you don't have to, I already knew." She sighed. "Knew what?" you were confused. "I already knew he loved you." You both were silent.
You didn't know what to say. "Wait. Sorry - this wasn't me trying to-I didn't-this wasn't me trying to make myself feel better to get your forgiveness or anything like that. I didn't mean to make it like that-" "No, y/n. It's okay. I know you."
"I already knew he loved you. He talked about you like you were the best part of his day. I knew he had written your exam days in his calendar because he knew you got anxious. I knew you were on his mind, most of the time - even when we were together, I know he said you were his family but I don't even think he let himself believe anything otherwise - I know he didn't do this on purpose," you nodded, trying to process what she had said, you didn't even know that he was in contact with your dad, or had your test dates written down, you didn't know he was doing a hundred little things - he never told you, he never took credit for any of it - it was like a reflex of his to take care of you.
"I know he never meant to hurt you, I haven't spoken to him at all - but I know he feels awful..." you weren't trying to defend him, but you both knew John Logan's heart - and he'd never intentionally harm the both of you. He'd never do that.
She nodded, almost letting out a small laugh, "Yeah, he's pretty stupid," you laughed too, "The worst."
You handed her your small care package, "Thanks for caring about me, y/n," as she held the box in her hands, you gave her a weak smile. "See you in the fall?" You said hopeful, that Grace would still want to be your friend after some time. She nodded, and you were turned to leave, "I'm visiting my mom in Paris again," she called out, "I'm leaving next week after my last final on Tuesday," you turned back, surprised she shared that - you were glad she got to go, she was a euro-sunkissed princess after all- just like you had exclaimed drunkenly to Garrett at the party a few weeks back.
"Hope it's wonderful. I know it's your favourite."
She reached out to grab your hand, stopping you from leaving, "You're allowed to love who you love, y/n," she blurted out all of a sudden as if she had wanted to say that the whole time. "You deserve the love you give to everyone else too. You're allowed to have good things too"
You didn't say anything. You just stared at her, shocked. She let go of your hand gently, and stepped back a bit, "See you in September, y/n," beginning closing the door, "See you...see you, Grace," as the door shut quietly in front of you.
You walked back to your apartment which was about 15 minutes away. Unsure of what just happened, like it was a psychedelic dream. She meant everything you said - you genuinely think that she deserves every good thing.
The insane thing was that, grace ivers - an angel of a person, thinks after all that you've done - deserved good things still.
Taglist: @meoooowwwwwwww; @littlepippilongstocking, @adrienneleclerc, @hyacinthnia; @roisebear@wildflowerxwords@solapeachtea@swiftstareclipse@yearningeternally@dinothehomie@parkairis18@youngloreninja@itmekelpy@oliviaohanessian1@itzzgillianj27@moonysworldswirl@emily-b
hii lovies thanks for all the kindness on she looks so perfect !!! i will update tag lists soon!! later today!!
she looks so perfect (part 5) | john logan x reader
summary: john logan was your best friend and the guys, allie, and hannah were your family. everyone knows that you had liked logan for forever but you knew that he didn't feel the same way about you. logan was with grace and you respected it. you couldn't even hate her for it - she's perfect and she's perfect for him. it's okay though, your family's got you. but you and logan had a secret, you swore you'd never tell anyone and he kept that secret faithfully. Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
warnings: sad, angst, sad logan, angry garrett and logan yelling at each other, heartbreak, anxiety, unprotected sx, birth control, drinking, lying, smut
author's note: okay whoa, they have a secret? there's lore okay. here's more context about why logan and yn are the way that they are okay
_______________________________
After everything had went down with you and Logan, and then Grace overhearing Garrett and Logan fight about how unwell you were around Logan - he shut down for a couple weeks. He went to hockey training, conditioning, he tried to apologize to Grace on multiple occasions even though he knew it would do more harm than good - he had to try. He knew Grace didn't deserve what happened.
In a span of a few weeks Logan had lost two of the most important people in his life, and grieving people who were alive and in close proximity to him at school was the most painful things he'd ever have to experience. Him watching you sit down at your usual spot at the library pained him - and he almost waved, but you didn't see him so he started going the long way around so he wouldn't run in to you.
He stayed home a lot. He had tried to text you a few times to check in and you'd give him short answers, avoiding him and definitely avoiding any mentions of the fight with Garrett that Hannah and Allie told you about. You pretended not to know.
If you were honest, you were worried about Logan. You had seen him buying a coffee at Lucky's - a place that you, Logan, Hannah and Garrett would study at. He looked exhausted and he didn't look like he was eating. It pained you to see him. He didn't see you and you had snuck out of Lucky's before he had even remotely saw you.
You almost went by the hockey house a few times, you'd walk half way and turn around. You knew that it would make things so much worse if you were the one to try to even begin to offer comfort, and you didn't want to hurt Grace. You felt guilty that this happened and you were apart of it - you were the reason, although you hadn't done anything. It was the nature of it all. You would never want her to think that while she was suffering from heartbreak, you'd try to make any advancements towards her ex boyfriend - you'd never do that to her.
You kept your distance to protect your heart and whatever might be left of you and Logan's friendship - if it could ever be fixed, you had to get over your stupid fucking silly crush. All this for a dumb crush - you thought to yourself, you felt dumb as fuck.
-----------
On Saturday, Logan stayed home to try to study for his economics final that was coming up. He couldn't focus at all. All he could think about was you. All he could think about was how horrible Grace was feeling because of him and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
In an undistracted, quiet moment alone in Logan's room, he sighed. His mind was being cruel to him and dragged him back to his memory of you from freshman year.
Everything had been so easy at the beginning. Being friends with you was so seamless and natural - it was like you knew each other since you were kids. You lived down the hall from Logan in the same freshman dorm. Like two jagged pieces of a puzzle that fit in a funny way - you two became inseparable. From late night studying at Malone's, watching hockey games, brutal morning electives you both survived together, football games, and your cheerleading routines.
At the time, your evil highschool boyfriend who stayed in your state three hours away was cheating on you. Logan had been there for you for that break up a few weeks after thanksgiving. Seeing you so unwell scared him and he made a little quiet promise to himself that he would do whatever it took to always made sure you were okay. So with all this silence and Logan hurting people he cared about - he was kicking himself and his self condemnation was more of a consequence than what anyone could say to him, or what anything Garrett could scold him about or call him out for.
By Spring of freshman year, you were doing really well on the varsity cheer team, you were under the stadium lights, you cheered at your friend Beau Maxwells' football games and you'd see Logan, Tucker, Dean and Garrett smiling and grinning at you from the student section. In return, you lived at the Briar hockey rink where Logan and Garrett tore up the ice with their natural-born star freshman hockey scrimmaging.
After you and your high school boyfriend had broken up for good, you spent the rest of the semester hooking up with random juniors and senior guys from the football team. It was easy. No one got hurt and you didn't care about them at all. As Logan got more familiar with the older hockey teammates who would throw big parties, Logan would cycle through hot campus girls who wanted to fuck a guy in a jersey - and he let them. Garrett was like that too before he met Wellsey.
When Logan is alone and the house is quiet, he remembers this one night of freshman year and it replays in his mind episodically. He can't control it - he can never get you out of his head even if he tried.
Saturated in warm, golden-amber hues of a humid spring night in Boston - Beau's frat was throwing a regular Friday night party. The house was loud, crowded and reeked of cheep alcohol, weed and vapes. You had too many drinks, way too many shots and you forgot to eat dinner before you had gone out with your friends and ended up here. Logan was also extremely drunk - the older hockey guys had pregamed before at one of their houses and they downed a bunch of god knows what at the party. "y/n, come here," he whispered against your hair as he laughed with his cheeks flushed and warm - he was just so happy to see you and so happy you were with him. His voice was low. His hand had brushed your bare hip that the band of your short skirt just rested right under, sending a shiver through your body. His eyes dropped to your lips a few times - which he couldn't help, it was the substances that he had downed earlier and the way you looked so pretty in the hallway light.
He interlocked his fingers with yours, holding your hand, bringing you close to his side, he pulled you through a crowd of drunk, wild and happy students, and you went up the stairs and down a quiet hallway. You had tried a few doors that were locked and then pushed opened the door to an empty spare bedroom in the end of the house and locked it behind you. You giggled like a little kid scheming up a plan.
The lights were off except for the amber glow of a street lamp seaping through the windowpanes. Drunk you wanted John Logan to fuck you. Still holding hands, Logan closed in the space between you, smiling down at you with the biggest grin. You swore you saw him almost love you by the way he was staring into you.
He stepped so close to you, towering over you, feeling his breath against your skin. You backed up until your calves hit the edge of the mattress and your breath hitched. The scent of him, mixed with cheep alcohol, cool air pushed you over the edge.
"Logan," you breathed, a breathless warning, a dangerous game.
"Y/N," he whispered back, kissing your forehead and you closed your eyes. God, your name sounded like a prayer on his lips. He looked at you for permission to kiss you and you gave him a gentle nod with a drunken happy smile on your face. "Please," you whimpered. He wasn't thinking at all at that point. His large hands came up to frame your face, with his calloused thumbs brushing softly over your cheekbones with a reverence that knocked the wind out of you. When his lips finally met yours, it was so natural, like kiss of two drunk college kids who had nothing real to lose.
He laid you back on the mattress gently, him hovering over you. "You're so beautiful," he whispered as he looked down at you in your lace tank top, "Shut up, you idiot," you rolled your eyes. You were sure he said that to every girl he fucked that week. Which he did - but with you he really meant it. You were the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. You tugged at his t-shirt signalling that you wanted it off and with one swift motion he pulled it off and quickly after he had undid your shirt, playing with your lace thong that was probably too sexy for any freshman to own. He laughed, and kissed you deeper. Like it meant something to him.
Every single touch was amplified. The way his mouth dragged from your lips down the sensitive sweet spots of your neck wasn't just passionate; it was agonizingly deliberate. He kissed you as if he were trying to leave a permanent mark, tracing your collarbone with a reverence that made a sob catch in your throat.
You had never been loved properly before, and this might have been the closest thing, John Logan on top of you.
Your lips moved together, with hunger, kissing you all over. When he entered you, it was a slow, him not wanting to hurt you ever. The agonizingly deep burn that made your knees weak. You tangled your fingers in his thick dark brown hair, pulling him closer, desperate for more of him and for him to move. Logan groaned into your mouth, a sound of pure, unadulterated relief, his hands sliding down to hold his large hand around the side of your neck and the other trailing down your bare back to grip your waist, him moving in a paced rhythm between your legs and closer to your core.
As Logan whispered your name into the crook of your neckâhis voice thick, desperate, with small gasps escaping your lips every time he went deeper. His fingers tangled tightly with yours, pressing your hands up against the bed, you arched into him bringing you deeper, he pulled out slightly and pushed himself back in, your head tilting back into the pillows, your body reached closer to its high.
As he drove deeper and deeper into you again, rocking into you on the bed, pulling out and pushing in deeper at a quicker pace, feeling your body tense, "Oh my, L-Logan," you gasped. A sudden, dizzying wave of warmth crashed over you. Your fingers dug into the hard muscle of his shoulders, your back arching off the mattress as the climax broke, making you dizzy and warm. He kissed you again as you moaned against his lips.
Logan let out a low, ragged groan into the crook of your neck. His entire body went rigid, his muscles straining against yours as he surrendered to the same weightless, crashing as he came and released in you. With heavy breaths slowing, he pulled out of you gently - causing you to whimper from the loss of feeling him.
He then pulled you closer, wrapping his strong arms around you with your back against his chest, and held you so closely like he was afraid to lose you, peppering you with kisses along your neck. It was like only you two existed then and there - nothing else mattered.
---------
The next morning, what felt like a total fever dream evaporated, leaving behind a cold, blinding reality.
When your eyes flickered open, your head was instantly pounding, a sharp ache pulsing behind your temples. The golden glow of the night before was gone, replaced by the harsh, piercing morning light slicing through the lines of the window panels. It illuminated the dust motes dancing in the air and the messy, beer-can-strewn reality of a hockey house bedroom.
But beneath the comforter, the heat was still there. Logan was holding you. His bare body was warm and heavy against your back, his strong arms wrapped around you so tightly, pinning you flush against his chest, feeling his chest rise and fall as he slept. He had held you like that all night, refusing to let go even in his sleep.
A sudden, sharp spike of panic hit your chest. Your vow to never get hurt by a guy again cause an avoidance that kept everyone at arms distance. That included John Logan. Fuck, what did we do last night?
Carefully, holding your breath, you began to peel yourself out of his grip. You disentangled your yourself from his arms slowly, sliding out from under the heavy comforter as gently as possible so you wouldn't wake him. Standing up in the cool air of the bedroom, you shivered, your hands shaking slightly as you scrambled to find your clothes scattered on the floor.
As you pulled your top over your head, your brain was working overtime to rationalize everything. You were stunned, and terrified of him thinking you were just a slut. You didn't want him to look at you with shame or condemn you for sleeping with him.
So, you did what you knew best; deny and minimize.
It was just a hookup, you lied to yourself. Weâve both been hooking up with random people all freshman year. This is no different. It was just a fun, drunken night.
A soft rustle of the sheets broke the silence. Logan stirred, blinking heavily against the bright light filtering through the blinds. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, his face soft and sleepy, entirely devoid of his usual campus-heartthrob persona. Still half-asleep, his instinct kicked inâhe reached his arm out across the mattress, searching for you.
When his hand found empty sheet, his eyes fully opened, landing on you at the edge of the bed, shimmying on your skirt back on.
"Y/N?" he mumbled, his voice thick and gravelly from sleep, reaching out toward you. "Where are you going?" he mumbled.
You said laughed softly, "Home, Logan," your voice clipping the air, putting up an invisible wall between you. You forced a casual, breezy smile that didn't reach your eyes. "That was fun! I can't even-can't really remember." You said it so matter a fact and nonchalant.
Logan froze. The hand that had been reaching for you dropped slightly onto the mattress. You watched his expression shift from sleepy warmth to a sudden, guarded blankness, but your own panic prevented you from seeing the quiet heartbreak shattering behind his eyes.
"We were just drunk," you pressed on, desperately trying make it so clear that you didn't care at all. "Lo," you said in a sweet tone in your voice that you did when you needed to get your way, "We don't have to make it weird, it was fun, it didn't mean anything. And you have to promise you won't tell anyone, okay? Not even Garrett. The last thing I need is your gross idiot friends objectifying me and I have to fuck another hockey player," you said jokingly to deflect. He had no idea what was happening. You were so easy going about the fact that you two had just fucked all night. You didn't even give him a chance to make any decisions about how he felt about it. You just decided for the both of you.
Logan stared at you for what felt like a long, agonizing moment. He cleared his throat a bit, and his jaw tightening as he forced his own walls back into place. If this was how you wanted to play it, he would play along just to keep from losing you entirely.
You stared at him for a response. "Yeah, uh-" Logan finally muttered, his voice dropping into a flat, casual tone that mirrored your own. "We were so drunk. It doesn't mean anything to me - either. We don't have to bring it up, I wasn't going to mention it," he lazily made a gesture of a locking and throwing away the key. He didn't look at you.
You nodded in agreement and smiled at him, with relief in your eyes and your body relaxed that he agreed. You leaned in to kiss him on the cheek with gratitude. "Good thinking," you chirped, as if he had initiated the plan himself. You left Logan in the room and snuck away quickly to purchase over the counter birth control by yourself at the campus CVS. You both were way too drunk, you canât remember if he had used a condom or not. You took a plan B just in case.
And that night you shared was a secret. You both kept it faithfully, burying it deep beneath years of friendship, laughs, friend groups, casual boyfriends and serious girlfriends.
The night that Logan knew he was done for - that he was sure he would never get over you in this lifetime. You'd always be the girl he loved, he wanted to love you then but you were so out of reach.
And that was the night where you vowed to keep only close enough to have you but never really see you, even if you were closest and intimate as two people could ever be.
Even now, through the college years that followed, through all the parties, partners or flings, and the internal longing, neither of you dared to ever breathed a word of that night to another living soul. Not to Hannah or Allie.
Not even Garrett Graham.
Taglist: @meoooowwwwwwww; @littlepippilongstocking, @adrienneleclerc, @hyacinthnia; @roisebear @wildflowerxwords @solapeachtea @swiftstareclipse @yearningeternally @dinothehomie @parkairis18 @youngloreninja @itmekelpy @oliviaohanessian1 @itzzgillianj27 @moonysworldswirl @emily-b
she looks so perfect (part 4) - john logan x reader
summary: john logan was your best friend and the guys, allie, and hannah were your family. everyone knows that you had liked logan for forever but you knew that he didn't feel the same way about you. logan was with grace and you respected it. you couldn't even hate her for it - she's perfect and she's perfect for him. it's okay though, your family's got you. Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
warnings: sad, angst, sad logan, angry garrett and logan yelling at each other, heartbreak, emotional subconscious cheating?
author's note: we love grace ivers in this household and she's so loved, im sorry everyone :( this is so sad. i know this part is pretty sad and also its shorter but im writing the next part already and it'll be worth it i promise
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The sliding glass door didnât click open like before; it practically rattled in its frame as Garrett shoved past Logan to head back inside. But the moment Garrett took three steps into the kitchen, he froze completely in his tracks. Everyone had cleared out of the kitchen, and the stove was off.
"Oh, shit..." Garrett muttered, his voice dropping into a harsh, stunned whisper.
Logan stood outside, still reeling from the emotional beating Garrett had just handed him, and he quickly turned - feeling like the conversation wasn't done - he went after Garrett, back inside to try to talk to him - to explain himself. He wanted to tell Garrett all of it. He felt trapped in his feelings for you that he had put away two school years ago - he wanted to tell Garrett what had happened between the both of you two years ago. He needed him to know the full story of you and him.
He denied the thought that there could be the possibility of you in any of his lifetimes.
He stepped up to sliding door frame, "Fuck. Okay, Garret, wait. It isn't-" Through the pane, the entire kitchen came into focus.
Standing just past the kitchen counter, adjacent to the the glass sliding door, Grace was standing without words.
She was wearing Logan's tan Carhartt coat that was three times too oversized, half unzipped and had her keys with a pink and silver gemmed land yard dangling loosely from her soft, paralyzed hands. Grace's steel blue-grey eyes were welling up with tears as she stood there in shock. She placed her hand to the side of counter to steady her. Almost like she needed to catch her breath.
No one else was left on the main floor. The front door of the hockey house was never locked and Grace had let herself in like usual, thinking that everyone would be here for Briar family dinner - instead she heard Garrett and Logan yelling at each other in the backyard.
âEvery three m-months?â Graceâs voice trembled. She spoke in a terrifyingly quiet whisper as she stepped back, ignoring Garrett's presence entirely. Graceâs eyes were wide, glossy, and fixed on Logan for a just a second.
âYou still...you still keep her dates in your calendar?â
He looked up at her. She distanced herself almost instinctively, looking everywhere else on the ground, in a timid, anxious panic - anywhere except in Logan's eyes. There was just silence in the house now. Garrett stood there, feeling guilt in his tightened chest for how this all unfolded and having any part of it at all. He shouldn't have said anything.
The blood completely drained from Loganâs face. He looked at Grace, with sorry eyes, "No, Grace. It wasn't-it's not like that-" He pressed his hands in an exasperated tension against his temples. "I can explain-" Logan stammered, his voice thin and panicked. He stepped forward, his hands reaching forwards, palms out, pleading. Garrett tried to soften the blow of the situation, "Grace." He looked at them both. "I was just bullshitting - it's not Logan's fault. I shouldn't have brought it up," he tried to ease the pain he felt for Grace as they stood in the kitchen.
"It d-doesn't mean anything," Logan whispered so quietly he could barely hear himself.
The words felt heavy, toxic, and dangerously familiar the second they left his mouth. It doesn't mean anything. She had heard him say that before about you - and she tried to ignore it in the past. Her friends had said that guys and girls couldn't be just friends - but not her John Logan, she thought. She believed him every time when he said he said you were like his family - she knew he had care for you - but she tried to convince herself that he didn't have feelings for you like that - even though her gut cautioned her otherwise.
Grace shut her eyes painfully. She barely had the strength to choke out the words but she had to know. "Do you still...love her, Logan?"
The question was so gentle, so entirely devoid of malice, a soft, earnest plea for an answer she had overthought countlessly in her mind the last few months. She already knew his answer and that it paralyzed him.
Logan stood entirely frozen, his mouth opening and closing. He was speechless. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to fight for his relationship with Grace. She was so kind to him. Even when he was a being some kind of evil in this moment. He didn't mean for this happen - he never meant to hurt her. But with Garrett staring at him, watching this all unfold from the side, and the absolute raw betrayal written across Graceâs face, he let out a silent breath, without any words left to say. He couldn't lie to himself anymore.
He looked to the ground, guilt in his eyes - knowing how much Grace didn't deserve this, without being able to look her in the eyes at all. His silence was the loudest sound in the room.
"It's okay, I'm-it's fine-" she barely let out, her voice strained. She turned and gently unzipped his coat, slipping out of the oversized structured fabric and silently place it on the counter avoiding his eyes entirely.
Grace closed her eyes shut for a brief second, feeling lightheaded suddenly.
Logan took a desperate step forward like muscle memory, his hand reaching out to touch her arm. "I'm sorry, I...I never meant to hurt you."
The moment his fingers brushed the air near her, Grace flinched.
It wasn't just a slight pull-back. It was a physical, instinctive reflex. She took two, frantic steps backward, her sneakers shuffling loudly against the kitchen floor as she put distance between them. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest, not in anger, but as a shield, wrapping around herself as if she were freezing.
She looked at him with glassy eyes, her breath coming in shallow. "Please don't," trembling with pain in her voice. The sight of her backing away from him like he was something dangerous scared Logan himself. He froze in his tracks, his hand hovering uselessly in the empty space between them.
Logan choked out painfully, his voice cracking, "I swear to God, I never wanted to hurt you."
"It's okay. I-I know," with an agonizingly quiet finality, Grace heightened her pace to be as far away from Logan as quick as her small frame could bring her and exited through the front door of the hockey house, with the door shutting. The noise of the car starting in the driveway and tires retreating on the gravel.
Logan stood silently staring into nothing at all, disassociating - almost out of body. Garrett watched him from the edge of room. Just a half hour ago, they had been screaming in each other's faces, fueled by a bitter, territorial rage. But seeing Logan like thisâshattered, small, and completely dissociatedâthe anger drained out of Garrett entirely the moment he saw Grace standing in the kitchen at all.
Months ago, when Garrett had lost his absolute mind and had his own violent, breaking-point outburst on the ice, Logan had been the one to grab him, hold him down, and pull him back. So he would do the same for his brother in this moment.
Garrett didn't hesitate. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Logan in a firm, heavy, grounding embrace - with a profound, sorrowful regret for the part he had played in this unraveling.
Logan didn't move. He was completely frozen, his arms hanging limp by his side, his face buried stiffly against Garrettâs shoulder. But Garrett didn't let go. He just held Logan, locking his arms around his friend, anchoring Logan.
-------âĽď¸--------
Taglist: @meoooowwwwwwww; @littlepippilongstocking, @adrienneleclerc, @hyacinthnia; @roisebear @wildflowerxwords @solapeachtea @swiftstareclipse @yearningeternally @dinothehomie @parkairis18 @youngloreninja @itmekelpy @oliviaohanessian1 @itzzgillianj27 @moonysworldswirl @emily-b
OFF CAMPUS
S01E03 - The Orgasm
Garrett + Being Wrong About Mostly Everything
she looks so perfect (part 3) | john logan x reader
summary: john logan was your best friend and the guys, allie, and hannah were your family. everyone knows that you had liked logan for forever but you knew that he didn't feel the same way about you. logan was with grace and you respected it. you couldn't even hate her for it - she's perfect and she's perfect for him. it's okay though, your family's got you.
Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 4
warnings: nothing really - but angst, sad!!! and yearning!! drinking? swearing, John logan and Garrett fighting :(
author's note: thanks for all the love!!! here is part 3!! let me know your thoughts!!! tell me if you have ideas about what should happen next!!! I love your guyâs comments loool theyâre funny
The tires of Loganâs truck tore into the gravel of the driveway, kicking up a cloud of dust as he braked hard into his usual spot. He cut the engine, but the sudden silence inside the truck did absolutely nothing to calm the suffocating frustration vibrating in his chest. Shoving his way out, he slammed the truck door shut behind him with a heavy, metallic bang that echoed across the yard.
He stormed up the porch steps and pushed through the front door of the hockey house, his jaw clenched so tightly it ached.
Walking straight into the kitchen, he dropped his keys onto the granite island. They hit the surface with a sharp, loud clatterânot thrown, but heavy enough to instantly kill the casual chatter in the room.
"Whoa, everything alright, dude?" Tucker asked, pausing with a wooden spoon in hand.
The kitchen was warm, smelling of garlic and simmering marinara sauce. Garrett was standing by the stove, while Dean leaned against the counter, a glass of water in hand. The calm, familial atmosphere of the room felt completely at odds with the frantic, wounded energy radiating off Logan.
"Why the hell is she being like that?!" Logan burst out, running a hand over his face and through his hair in pure frustration. He began to pace a short, tense line between the fridge and the island, his shoulders tightly coiled.
Garrett set down the knife he was using to chop vegetables, exchanging a heavy, knowing look with Dean before looking up. An underlying edge of irritation was already creeping into Garrett's expression. "You found y/n?"
"Yeah, I found her. She was sitting at Malone's by herself," Logan said, his voice cracking slightly with a mix of disbelief and a sharp, defensive edge. "And she was just so cold, man. I skipped the second half of practice for her. I literally went to her usual library spot, went to Havenport lounge, her usual spots - because she wouldn't answer her phone, and when I finally get there, she barely even looked at me."
âAnd you two - wonât tell me shit.â He pointed at Hannah and Allie, who widened their eyes but stayed silent. âIs there something wrong - is her dad contacting her again or something?âÂ
Everyone was silent.Â
Hannah felt so bad for Logan, itâs like an elephant in the room that everyone sees but him. She reached out her hand to comfort him, âNo, Logan. Her dad isnât, itâs just that we donât even know what to tell you,â she sighed.Â
"What do you mean? She told me to leave her alone," Logan said, the words clearly stinging him deeper than he wanted to admit. He looked over at Garrett, his eyes wide with a desperate, furious confusion. "Like I was a total stranger. She refused to come to dinner. I don't get it. What the hell did I do? Why is she completely freezing me out?"
Garrett gripped the edge of the stove, an annoyed, incredibly tense breath escaping his nose. He looked at Loganâ he thought Logan was being a total idiot, entirely blind to the way you loved him, and even more blind to his own buried feelings for you. Sure he was with Grace but he doesnât act like this for anyone else other than you. Thereâs no one heâs this worried about or thinks about more than you.Â
But Garrett wasnât trying to betray you.
"Maybe she just wants to be by herself. She will figure it out herself, just leave her alone and let her cool off." He continued prepping.Â
"Leave her alone?" Logan repeated, looking at Garrett like he'd lost his mind. "She's my best friend, Garrett. I'm not just going to let her treat me like garbage and walk away.â
Garrett let out a harsh, cynical breath, shaking his head as he picked up a towel to wipe his hands. He looked at Logan, completely exasperated by his roommate's sheer density. "Look, just drop it for tonight. I'll text her. I'll talk to her later and check in."
The words hit Logan like a physical slap.
A sharp, ugly wave of jealousy and indignation flared up in his chest, making him look at Garrett with narrow, peeved eyes. "You'll talk to her?" Logan scoffed, his voice dripping with sudden bitterness. "What makes you think sheâs going to answer you?"
Garrett just stared at him. He thought Logan was acting childish.Â
It felt like a direct blow to his ego, a territorial instinct kicking in before he could even stop it. The idea that Garrett thought he could get through to you more than him was insulting.
"I know her better than anyone in this house, Garrett," Logan muttered, his jaw tight as he stared his captain down. "I know her better than you. If sheâs pissed off, she talks to me. She always talks to me."
"Yeah, well, clearly not today," Dean said under his breath from the counter, taking a slow sip of his water.
Garrett put down the knife he was using to chop the vegetables for Tuckerâs dish. âAlright, outside Logan,â everyone stared.Â
ââââââââ
He stormed out to the porch through the heavy glass door and Logan followed him immediately, the sliding door shutting behind them with a sharp click, cutting off the warmth of the kitchen and the watchful eyes of Allie, Hannah, Dean and Tucker.Â
Logan was fuming. âWhat? Did you guys fuck? Is that what everyoneâs not telling me? You going to tell me you guys hooked up or something and sheâs avoiding us all together or sheâs feeling ashamed to tell me?â Logan asks in an accusatory tone, grasping at strawsâmaking things up because he has absolutely no idea.
Garrett snapped to look at him, the irritation on his face had hardened into something much heavier. âYou fucking serious right now?!â
He took a step forward, invading Logan's space. "You think this is about me and her having some cheap hookup? You think sheâd freeze all of us out over that?"
He let out a harsh, humorless laugh that cut right through the chilly night air.
"Iâd never do that to Hannah.â Garrett said, poking a firm finger into Loganâs chest. "Use that pretty fucking brain of yours. Sheâs hiding because of you. Because while you've been busy playing this oblivious, protective guy best friend routine and making up wild theories, youâre blind to her feelings - donât act like you donât know." Garrett scoffed.
Logan blinked, he was silent because he couldnât lie that he didnât have an idea of what Garrett was talking about. Logan knew how he used to feel about you, when he first met you - he wanted you, he had been trying so desperately to ignore any of those feelings since he thought youâd never want to settle for him.
Garrett stood in front of Logan, the height difference wasn't much, but right now, Garrett looked massive, fueled by a protective fury heâd been suppressing every silent smoke sesh you and him had and he had to watch you be so down. He looked at Loganâreally looked at himâat the genuine confusion and desperation in his friend's eyes, and felt a wave of pure exhaustion.
"You really don't get it, do you?" Garrett said softly. "You are so blinded by your own need to keep her by your side that you refuse to see what you're doing to her."
"Doing to her? I'm not doing anything to her!" Logan defended, his voice cracking slightly. "I care about her. Thatâs it. I care about her, and I want to make sure sheâs okay."
"And what about Grace, Logan?"
The mention of the name hung in the air like a sudden drop in temperature. Logan stiffened, his mouth opening slightly before closing again.
"Grace has nothing to do with this," Logan said, though the conviction had leaked out of his voice, replaced by a defensive edge.
Garrett took a step forward, invading Loganâs space, his eyes boring into him.
"You sure about that?" Garrett challenged, a lethal edge slicing through his tone.
Heâs going to lay it all out there. This had to stop. âLogan, does Grace know you text Allie and Hannah to make sure y/n gets home safe from her evening class? Does Grace know that you sat in your car with y/n three weeks ago after your brother told you your mom went back to rehab? Does Grace know youâve been fixing y/nâs dadâs car for free every three months and telling him not to talk to her - without telling her? Does she know you write in every single one of y/nâs finals in your calendar - just so you can wish her good luck?â
Logan flinched as if heâd been physically struck. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. The blood drained from his face, leaving him pale under the porch light. He opened his hands, closing them into fists, looking suddenly small.
"How... how do you know aboutâŚth?" Logan whispered.
"Because Iâm not a fucking idiot." Garrett hissed, stepping even closer, his finger hovering inches from Logan's chest.Â
"You have a girlfriend, Logan. But you liked y/n the moment you met her. You had feelings for her, you said that. Donât even lie to me right now."
"It's not like that. Iâm over her, I told you. I donât- Gar, itâs not-â Logan stammered, his eyes darting away, looking wildly around the empty yard as if looking for an escape. "I'm just... I'm just trying to be a good guy. Her dad's transmission was shot, he couldn't affordâ"
"Fuck off man!" Garrett roared, the sudden volume making Logan jump. "Stop lying to yourself. You string her along. Constantly. You know you do. You keep pulling her back in. Every time she takes a step away, you show up with a toolbox, or a text message, or a 'good luck' call, reminding her exactly what she can't have.â
Logan opened his mouth to defend himself, but the words seemed to catch in his throat. He looked down at the extra key on his keychainâthe one that fit y/n's front door, the one heâd had for two years after you had an anaphylactic allergic reaction - Logan had demanded you hand over the spare keys just in case anything ever were to happen and never given back. Logan had only told Garrett about his feelings for you two years ago - but you werenât ready for anything then. So he moved on, and you both were hooking up with other people. Youâd never want him, he thought.Â
"You want to talk about how you're just 'being a good guy'?" Garrett asked, his voice dropping into a lethal, quiet rhythm.Â
âLogan, Iâve never seen you be so worried about literally anyone else. You always think about her, you think to get her an extra coffee or cookie when we go to Luckyâs with Hannah, you drop anything to drive her, you skip practice because you needed to find her to ease your mind, and when anything is ever wrong in your life the only person you want to talk about that stuff is - is with y/n. Donât you think thatâs odd and I donât know, Logan? Fucking insane? considering you have a girlfriend?â
Logan flinched, his jaw tightening so hard a vein throbbed at his temple. "Sheâs like-my family. She knows me, I know her. We talk about these hard things okay? Itâs just what we do, I mean, what we did. And sure I-I did want to be with her, but that was before. Itâs done now."
âYeah okay. Keep lying to yourself bud. Are you done playing house with two different girls Logan? Or youâre not ready to face yourself yet?â Garrett spat. Heâd always defend you. A hundred fucking life times - heâd defend you. You were his family. And he was fucking sick and tired of you crying because of John Logan.
âYou love Grace? Sure. Fine. Then go be with Grace - but you have to let y/n go. Stop stringing her along. Itâs killing her,â he scolded Logan.
âBut - you already knew that.â Garrett pushed passed Logan irritated, leaving him on the back porch with the weight of his own choices finally crashing down on him. He had to face himself.
she looks so perfect (part 2) | john logan x reader
summary: john logan was your best friend and the guys, allie, and hannah were your family. everyone knows that you had liked logan for forever but you knew that he didn't feel the same way about you. logan was with grace and you respected it. you couldn't even hate her for it - she's perfect and she's perfect for him. it's okay though, your family's got you.
warnings: nothing really - but angst, sad!!! and yearning!! drinking? swearing, John logan and Garrett fighting :(
author's note: thanks for all the love!!! here is part 2!! let me know your thoughts!!! Series: Part 1 Part 3 Part 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been a few days since the party and you made it your sole mission to avoid John Logan at all costs. You couldn't face him. It was embarrassing enough that he didn't want you, let alone the fact that all of your friends knew about your feelings - except him. You'd think that spending so much time with someone you cared about would make him have some sort of feelings towards you, but he's so oblivious it hurt.
So, you did what youâve always done when things get too serious or too heavy: you pulled the disappearing act. It was a coping mechanism you inherited from your dad. Heâd taught you, without ever saying a word, that if a problem gets too loud, you just walk out of the room until it goes quiet. If you don't let anyone in on whatâs actually going on with you, they can't see you breaking. You avoid, you ghost, you bury it.
You can't help but compare yourself to her. The worst part was that she was absolutely, undeniably magnificent.
She was a walking, talking Euro-summer princessâall sun-kissed skin, linen dresses, and effortless grace. When she laughed, it sounded like wind chimes and sunshine. When she looked at Logan, her eyes lit up, and when Logan looked back at her, his entire rugged, hockey-player posture softened. You wanted to hate her. God, you tried to find a flaw, just a tiny crack in the porcelain, so you could justify the bitter ache in your chest.
But she was lovely. She was sweet to you. Grace Ivers was sweet to everyone.
And that just made the guilt you felt feel like a disease.
After watching Logan press a soft, lingering kiss to Graceâs temple at a party on Friday night, something inside you finally snapped. You couldn't do it anymore. You vowed to yourself to not be in any way associated with your feelings for john logan. Grace didnât deserve it. You had to push him away.
Starting Saturday morning, you were unreachable.
By Sunday, your phone was blowing up with notifications. Logan texted you multiple times.
{John Logan đ¤ đđ } Saturday @ 3:27pm: hey, want to go play pool with gar later tonight?
{John Logan đ¤ đđ } Saturday @ 3:52 pm: Garrett said he could pick you up
{John Logan đ¤ đđ } Saturday @ 5:19 pm: everything okay?
---- Silence from your side. No response. ----
{John Logan đ¤ đđ } Sunday @ 9:41 am:
my phone reminded me your final is tomorrow. Good luck đ¤
---- No answer. ----
{John Logan đ¤ đđ } @ 7:09pm :
dude, whatâs going on? let me know where you are okay. Why is your location off?
âââââââ-
On Monday, he tried calling. It had gone to voicemail after 3 rings. You knew he had gone to Allie and Hannah to ask where the hell you were, but you had already sworn them to secrecy. They didn't budge, though you knew they hated being caught in the middle.
Then came Tuesday afternoon, and the group chat blew up.
briar fam đđ¸âď¸đđť -- groupchat
Garrett:Â Yo, who is down for dinner tonight? Tacos at our place? We have practice till 8. Itâs firm review day so itâll go over.
Tucker: we live together Gar so yeah
Hannah:Â meee!! :)
Allie:Â Dean and I are in.
Garrett:Â @[y/n]? Garrett:Â Hellooo??
Logan:Â Sheâs not answering her texts.
Garrett:Â @[y/n], I know youâre seeing these. Stop being a brat.
Garrett:Â Seriously, itâs been four days. Don't make me come hunt you down. I know where you live. You're acting weird. Answer your phone.
The texts stopped coming after that.
You locked your screen, shoving the phone face-down on the wooden table. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you stared at your laptop screen.
You were sitting in a corner booth at Maloneâs. During the night, it was a loud, sticky-floored college bar, but during the day and early evening, it transformed into a cozy, dimly lit haven for students. It smelled like roasted coffee beans and old wood. It was the perfect place to hide. You had two coffees already, you were so tired.
Most importantly, it was Tuesday night. The Briar hockey team had a mandatory late-night practice and film review right now. Logan was safe behind a sheet of ice on the other side of campus. He couldnât look at you with those perceptive, stormy eyes. Your heart could finally just rest, tucked away in the dark where it belonged.
You took a sip of your lukewarm coffee, trying to focus on your ethics essay.
Ding!đď¸
The front door of Maloneâs opened, letting in a gust of chilly evening air. You didnât look up. Students came and went constantly.
Suddenly, a heavy, leather Briar hockey duffel bag dropped onto the bench across from you.
Your breath hitched. Your eyes flew up.
There he was. John Logan. He was wearing his blue team hoodie, his dark hair still damp from the post-practice shower, smelling faintly of ice, mint, and that distinct, intoxicating scent that belonged entirely to him. He didnât look angry; he looked exhausted, frantic, and entirely too focused on you.
"You're supposed to be at practice," you whispered, your voice trembling despite your best efforts.
"Skipped the film review," Logan said, his voice a low, rough rumble. He slid into the booth, effectively trapping you in your corner. "Garrett said you weren't answering. Hannah and Allie are the worst liars when I asked about you. But I knew youâd be right here."
He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, forcing you to look at him.
"I know you. You canât hide from me."
"I'm not hiding," you lied, pulling your cardigan tighter around your shoulders, retreating into yourself. "I've just been busy. I'm studying." You gesture to the pile of papers and books on the table.
"Bullshit." Loganâs eyes narrowed, scanning your face, reading the exhaustion in the dark circles under your eyes, the tension in your jaw. He knew you too well. That was the terrifying part. He could read your shifts in weather better than anyone else. "You've been totally ghosting me since Friday. Did I do something? Did someone say something to you? Did something happen with your dad?â
The genuine concern in his voice was a physical ache in your chest. He was totally, completely oblivious. He thought he was being a good best friend. He had no idea that every time he checked on you, he was tearing the wound wide open.
"Logan, seriously, itâs fine. Iâm just stressed," you said, your voice cracking slightly. You began packing your notebook into your bag, your hands shaking. "I have to goâ"
"Hey. No...stop." Logan reached across the table and caught your wrist. His grip wasn't tight, but it was firm, warm, and entirely grounding.
A jolt of electricity zapped straight to your core. You froze, staring down at his broad hand wrapped around your wrist. You pulled your hand away and you couldnât look him in the eye.
"Just talk⌠to me," he pleaded softly, he pulled his hand away.. "You always do this. Whenever something is wrong, you shut down and run away. You've been doing it since I've known you. But you don't have to do it with me. Whatever it is, we can fix it. Just let me in."
I can't let you in, you thought wildly, the tears burning the backs of your eyes. Because if I let you in, youâll see that Iâm drowning in you. Youâll see that every time you talk about Grace, it kills me. And I canât ruin your happiness.
"I can't," you said blankly. The loss of his touch felt like ice. Why did he have to do that?
Logan looked at you, a pained, utterly confused expression crossing his handsome face. He wanted to help, he wanted to be your anchor, but he didn't realize he was the storm.
"Why?" he whispered.
You looked away, staring out the window of Maloneâs into the dark Tuesday night, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep from falling apart. "Because some things can't be fixed, Logan. Just... let it go. Please. Itâs nothing. You canât fix it. Itâs also not your business,â you said, your tone biting and sharp, a defensive wall thrown up to force him away.
Logan blinked, looking like heâd just taken a hard hit to the chest. âUhâokay. What does that even mean? Your business is my business...isn't it?â
He was so confused. It was written all over his faceâthe furrow of his brow, the slight parting of his lips, the utter helplessness in his gray eyes. He legitimately didn't get it. To him, you were his person, the one who was supposed to be by his side through everything. He didn't know that his proximity was suffocating you.
Since you wouldnât budge, he tried to pivot - he faked a small smile and changed the subject âOkayy, come on, how much longer are you studying?â Logan sighed, shifting in the booth and trying to steer things back to normal. âEveryoneâs coming over for dinner after film review ends. Which I skipped by the way!â He made a point to poke at the fact that he did that for you. It annoyed you.
You just stared at him. You didn't blink, didn't nod, didn't offer a single word. You just let the heavy, tense silence stretch between you, hoping the vacuum of it would finally force him to get up and leave.
Instead, Logan just sighed again, a sound full of stubborn resignation.
âIâll drive us over. I can wait,â he said softly.
He didnât push anymore. "Okay then." He didn't demand an explanation for your attitude or throw a tantrum. Instead, he unzipped his heavy duffel bag, reached inside, and pulled out his own laptop. He set it on the wooden table, opened the screen, and plugged in his phone to charge.
He was staying, apparently.
âWhat are you doing?â you asked blatantly. âWhatâs it look like? Youâre studying, so Iâm studying too. You wonât leave so Iâm not leaving yet either.â He said it so matter a fact, he didnât look at you - he just stated it like it was completely obvious.
You ignored him. You didnât respond. You just stared back down at your notes.
He was bothering you. Thatâs what he was doing. He was sitting right across from you, taking up all the air in the booth, his broad shoulders practically filling your entire line of sight. Every time he shifted, his knee brushed yours under the cramped table, sending a sickening, beautiful jolt of adrenaline straight to your heart.
You stared down at your ethics essay, but the words blurred into a meaningless jumble of black ink. You could hear the faint, steady click-clack of him typing. You could smell the lingering scent of his body wash.
He was trying to be your protector, your steady ground, completely oblivious to the fact that his presence was a beautiful, agonizing torture. And you were trapped, forced to sit in the quiet ache of your own making, watching the boy you loved wait for a version of you that you couldn't afford to be anymore.
He peeked up at you above the eye line of his laptop a few times. He didnât say anything, but you could feel his gazeâheavy, observant, and completely annoying. Every time his eyes flicked toward you, it felt like he was picking at a scab you were desperately trying to keep covered.
Finally, the pressure in your chest became too much to bear.
âCan you just leave, Logan? Iâm not going to dinner.â
Logan lowered his laptop screen a fraction of an inch, his brow furrowing. âWhat? Why? I donât get it. Whats happening? You get into a fight with Garrett or something?â
âI saidâIâm not going.â The lid on your emotions finally blew right off. âWhy do you have to be so fucking annoying?â
The words sliced through the quiet hum of Maloneâs like a knife.
As soon as they left your mouth, the air in the booth turned to ice. You had never talked to him like that. Ever. Even in your worst moods, Logan was always the one exception, the person you treated with absolute softness.
The immediate flash of hurt in his gray eyes made your stomach drop. Instantly, guilt flooded your features, washing away the anger. You hadn't meant to snap like that. You didnât want to hurt himâyou just wanted to push him far enough away so he couldnât see how badly you were hurting.
âSorry, I shouldn't have sai-â you whispered, looking down at your hands, your voice thick and trembling. âI... I just donât feel like going today, okay? I need to study.â
Logan didn't snap back. He didn't get angry. He just slowly closed his laptop, the quiet thud of the screen sounding like a gavel dropping. He stared at you, really stared at you, looking past the defensive wall, past the harsh words, straight into the raw vulnerability you were trying so hard to hide.
"Hey," he said, his voice dropping into a register so quiet and gentle it made your throat ache. "Look at me."
You forced your eyes up to meet his. You didnât cry. You wouldnât. The prickle of hot tears burned behind your eyelids, but you swallowed them down, locking your jaw so tight it ached. You werenât letting him in. If you let even one tear slip, the whole dam would break, and heâd see every single messy, pathetic piece of your shattered heart.
âI can drive us over,â he repeated, his voice laced with a desperate kind of patience.
âHonestly, Iâd rather walk," you said under your breath.
Logan scoffed, a bitter, disbelieving sound. âJesus, [y/n]. God forbid you actually want to⌠I donât knowâtalk to me?â
The patience evaporated, replaced by the raw frustration of a guy who had reached his absolute limit. He began stuffing his laptop back into his duffel bag, his movements jerky and aggressive. He zipped the bag with a sharp, loud snap.
âI donât know what your damage is,â he said, slinging the heavy strap over his shoulder. He stood up from the booth, towering over you, looking down with a mixture of hurt and anger. âBut youâd never speak to me like that. So either someoneâs like possessed my best friend or some bizarre shit, or you, for reasons that are unknown to me, suddenly hate me?" He stares at you. You say nothing back.
He looks around at Malone's. Just confused as hell, "...I donât even know which is worse, honestly.â
He rubbed a hand over his face, looking suddenly exhausted. âBut figure it out. You know Iâm tired too, okay? Garrettâs right about you being a brat sometimes. I skipped film review to come here, specifically to find you. Because I was worried about you.â
The word worried twisted the knife even deeper. He was worried about you as a friend. He was losing sleep over you as a friend. And it was infuriating how much he didnât get it.
You leaned back against the vinyl booth, coldness masking the agony inside you.
âI didnât ask you to do that,â you said, your voice flat, devoid of the warmth he was used to. âDo you want me to thank you, Logan?â
Logan flinched as if youâd slapped him. The anger in his eyes hardened into something cold and distant, a look he usually reserved for opponents on the ice, never for you. He stared at you for three long, agonizing seconds.
âNo --,â he snapped, his voice was sharp. âI donât want you to thank me, y/n. I just wanted to check in on you. But clearly, youâre too busy pushing everyone away.â
He grabbed his duffle off the booth seat with a strong force that almost startled you. He was about to leave, and he stopped, "You know you can talk to me. Whatever it is, we'd figure it out." He voice trailed off, he sounded like he was in pain and he almost reached out to place his hand on your arm, but he stopped himself. Then he walked out of Maloneâs. Guess he learned that one from his dad too. The heavy glass door swinging shut behind him with a dull thud with the bell dinging again.
The silence he left in his wake was deafening. You sat completely still in the corner booth, staring at the empty seat across from you. The scent of him still lingered in the air, mocking you. Your hands were shaking so badly you had to fist them into your cardigan.
You had won. You had successfully pushed him away. You had protected your secret.
Hot tears brim up to your eyes, "Of course I like you, Logan. Youâre a good guy." You thought in your head. Itâs better this way, the further you were away from him is the further you are from being hurt by him not loving you - it kills you either way.
â-/âââ/âââ/ââ-
I looove having 0 children and sleeping alone in my quiet clean cool apartment and going to concerts and festivals and shopping for new cute clothes and watching TV
I think youâre all so smart and doing your best and I suspect it will work out in your favor too
they look so good, I canât handle this


