How to tell what your *ntp is feeling… And help?
Because I saw some asks on other blogs about this and wanted to try haha.
Edit: This seems to apply to all tps actually 😂
If forlorn and pale, *ntp is sad and PROBABLY DOESN’T KNOW WHY. Go to unknown feeling steps.
If angry, *ntp knows why their mad. If they’re refusing to tell you, they’re mad at you. Go to angry steps.
If happy, your *ntp will look calm and mildly oblivious. Don’t attempt emotional counselling or you will produce angry *ntp.
If some other complex feeling, they will say ‘Idk’. Go to unknown feeling steps.
If sad for known reason, you should probably know why too. If you don’t, ask them and they’ll just tell you. If they refuse to tell you they’re now angry with you for not knowing. Go to angry steps.
If you know what they’re feeling and they need cheering up for any reason, go to cheering up steps.
If *ntp is crying, go to EMERGENCY RESET steps. Sit tight.
Be warm. *ntps respond well to genuine warmth and concern.
Speak softly. Everyone responds fell to this, but especially stressed Nps.
Be direct. *ntps don’t wanna go to magic emotional fairy land, weirdos.
Be subtle. *ntps recoil if they sense you think you’re better than them, so if you tho k you’re gonna go in their and save the *ntp, you better pretend you don’t think that.
Remember, *ntps have Ti. You can approach this problem and fix it through breaching their low Fe through Ti. Try talking about feelings as thoughts - they’re basically the same thing anyway.
Try to use Fe or even Te to pull this off.
Physical contact. Actually gives away some important clues…
Pauses. Very important to let the *ntp think.
Know when to stop pushing. It’s usually when the *ntp shows all body language signs of pulling and looking away. Just give then a hug, say you love them or whatever, and leave them be for a while before trying again.
Sit down calmly next to *ntp and look them in the eyes, study them for a few seconds. They will probably look at you with amused concern.
Ask them what’s wrong outright, or if they’re okay. They’ll say 'Idk’ or equivalent vague answer. Mbs even 'I’m fine’ or 'nothing’s wrong’ while avoiding eye contact or looking depressed.
Touch them gently if that’s normal for y'all. If they pull away you have a grumpy *ntp who probs needs you to step it up a notch. If they pull away at this point it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to talk.
Just frown and say something like 'you don’t seem fine’. After a pause, if they don’t suggest something, make your own suggestion.
'Are you upset with me because of this thing I did today?’ is a good place to start. *ntp will probs want to clear up if they’re upset with you, so will be like 'nah, it’s just this other thing.’ Alternatively, they’ll say 'I tho k I might be’, in which case you can talk about that like normal. Good job for finding out!
If it’s something else they’re not specifying, remember: you don’t always need to know everything. So your next question isn’t for details, it’s just: 'would you like to talk about it?’ with an additional 'can I help?’
Here I must mildly split the types. From experience, the intp will neither talk nor ask for help, and they won’t appear to have changed either, even if their vibe is a bit better to you. But when they’re feeling a little better they’ll be really appreciative and soft to you, so it’s not useless. Just try to make life quiet and easier for them. Also from experience, the entp might want to talk or have help, or they might just start crying or something. It’s pretty easy to walk them through from there but…
Avoid bailing the entp out completely. K, if an intp is crying and asking for help, do it. It’s weird, they defs need it (Si grips are mainly an entp thing tbh). If an entp is doing it… Help them fix the problem themselves, because otherwise they’ll hate you for it later. Entps can make their own chaos, but they don’t like being treated like babies. This means you
Look into the entp’s eyes and - being pretty harsh tbh - tell them to stop crying and outline what they should do. Then you leave them with a hug or whatever and they’re usually all good. This does not apply to deaths and stuff like that. Be normal here 😂
Congratulations! You have worked out your *ntps feelings and have hopefully helped a little. Hopefully they’re not in a grip and it’s all over now.
If your *ntp is mad at you, they’ll look mad and quiet and won’t be telling you why. Here’s how to work this out.
Calmly say, 'I know you’re mad at me. Why?’ if they don’t respond, propose something. That’ll usually get them going. 'NO, IT’S BECAUSE YOU DID THIS!’ You’re in pretty hot water if they’re still not responding after this bait.
Explain how you can’t fix the problem if they don’t tell you.
Try to go back to before they got angry and try to view things from their perspective - it’s possible they’re in a paranoid Ne-Fe loop and have completely misinterpreted something you did. This is more likely to be the entp’s problem. It’s also possible you offended their Ti by disagreeing with them or telling them what to do.
Say what your conclusions are and clarify your intentions. 'I didn’t tell you how to boil water because I think you’re an idiot, I did it because I really like that pot - it was a gift from my deceased mother - and I really didn’t want the pot to burn. I’m sorry if I sounded condescending’.
This will usually soften your Ti offended *ntp, so good job on fixing the problem! But what if this doesn’t seem to be the problem, and nothing changes? Now assume a Ne-Fe loop. This becomes a long term problem, but to confirm, here we go.
Basically, you have to stop digging for the reason they’re mad at you and briefly affirm you love them or whatever. This won’t help if the *ntp is in a loop, because they become extremely paranoid. You’re almost certainly not going to fix this problem in one sitting. Go google the loop problem later and enjoy your new paranoid *ntp.
This advice is generic, use some discretion obvs
Do something with the *ntp. Like, take them out. This triggers their Ne, they love it. But them a drink or something to eat while you’re out. This will usually work immediately.
Try discussing something with them. Might not work if they’re really flat.
Watch TV or a movie with them. They like tech tbh
Feed them. Usually works, unless your cooking sucks.
Hug them. *ntps only pretend to hate this. Only works if you’re close obvs.
Yell at them to snap out of it and cheer up. Extreme, but often works for entps who are in self pitying Fi Trickster moods. Don’t actually tell btw. Just remind them pity parties are pointless and illogical.
Compliment the *ntp, or do something thoughtful like writing them a letter. Always be genuine!
Give the *ntp a project. Not a chore. Ask them to build an Ikea thing or something haha.
Only leave the *ntp alone once these steps have failed. No matter how many times they ask, if you can get them to do any of those things with you, they secretly want to be fixed. If they absolutely refuse to do any of those things, leave them alone and be quiet. They’ll come out when they’re ready. And don’t finish with step 6. Then they’ll think you’re mean and angry at them. Always compliment sandwich 6.
If your entp (specifically) refuses to cheer up after an extended period of time, they might be using Fi Trickster… Or they could be legit depressed, try to know the signs. If they’re not actually depressed, you can go on and compliment sandwich 6 again, a little harsher this time. If you trigger a Si crying melt down you fixed them, good job 👏 Otherwise, send your little entp to the doctor 😷
If your intp (specifically) refuses to cheer up after an extended period of time, they could be in Fi Demon and are likely depressed. If you can’t get them to the doctor cos they’re being stubborn, you can follow internet suggestions and try fostering their low Fe - it’ll help get them out of Fi if they’re not actually depressed. This means basically treating them like a soft little *nfj baby for an extended period of time.
You’ll know if you need to do this when either *ntp is SPONTANEOUSLY crying or when intp is looking wide eyes like they’re crying on the inside. This is a severe Si grip and they’re basically completely overwhelmed. Tl;dr = trigger Ne, but handle Si first.
Sit down, hold *ntps hands if you can and look into their eyes. Ask them what’s wrong and if you can help. Follow through with these steps in addition to anything they say 🙃
Check your *ntps vital Si signs - make sure they’ve been eating and drinking. Force them to take a food and drink break if they haven’t. Encourage them to take a power nap. Encourage them to take a 10 minute walk. Encourage them to shower and get cosy if it’s later in the day (which it usually is tbh).
Give the *ntp a game plan. For example, if your entp has left some project till the last minute, help them organise the steps they need to get through to complete the task.
Ask the *ntp if they’d like you to do some of their work while they Si recharge (walk, eat, nap, etc). Don’t do too much, or they’ll be Ti offended.
After the Si recharge, encourage the *ntp to decrease their work load. Think outside the box about ways they can do this - it triggers their Ne and makes them feel back in control of life. 😊
Basically, mildly parent your *ntp for about an hour and they’ll perk up. This works every time, because *ntps in grips or loops don’t have melt downs this obvious 😂
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