nobody move, nobody move.

original character by maddie.

[quasyarchive]

i don’t know how many times i’m going to repurpose ike before one version sticks, but for now i think i’m moving him to @miscography. and he won’t technically be a mutant, i don’t think, but he’s got some stuff going on (to be typed out promptly i promise)

[quasyarchive]

damnthings.

     “–– It’s called ADHD.” His bouncing leg under the table seems to punctuate the claim. “Besides, chicks love to see the curls bounce. It’s sexy.” A quick shake of the head for emphasis, and a point to the other. “I can do that, too, you know.”

         ‘ it’s throwin’ me, though. ’ not that he’s unsympathetic. trying very hard to focus, but not unsympathetic. ‘ it’s gonna be fucked if i try your face. you’re like—a blur of a person. ’

ike trades a share of irritation for mild mild mild curiosity. ‘ you wouldn’t be askin’ me to do you if you could do someone else better. don’t sound to me like you’ve honed the thing. ’

[quasyarchive]

         ‘ you’re like one of those image-stabilizing chickens from that one commercial. ’ ike wrinkles his nose before going a little bewitched with it, getting a little squirmy in general, which together mean he’s growing frustrated. ‘ but reversed. like, an impressive amount of head movement from you. ’

[whoseside-blog]

FREE FIRE STARTER SENTENCES. feel free to change pronouns and descriptors!

shut the fuck up, ___.

my fucking head’s about to explode here.

not so pretty now, eh, pretty boy?

the baggage handlers lost his charm at the airport, apparently.

talk about a fucking sledgehammer to crack a nut.

i feel a little conspicuous with the black eye.

i’ll fucking do it.

i don’t like his jumper.

you didn’t masturbate before you got here, did you?

i don’t work with anyone who’s carrying a loaded weapon.

fuck the small talk.

i’m leaving a trail of breadcrumbs.

it’s a real fucking palace.

only thing a girl needs to stay warm in los angeles is a flexible outlook.

___ was misdiagnosed as a child genius. he never got over it.

you’ve put on a bit of weight.

what the fuck is that accent?

keep your shit together.

i’m not running a fucking pizza delivery service.

you’re a curious fucker, eh?

what the fuck are you gonna do? high-kick your way in there with a fucking top hat and cane?

get your fucking hands off me.

you’re gonna be the first one i take down if this goes south.

oh, sorry, you’re just - you’re molting.

i thought we could maybe go and have a bite.

forget i said that.

holy mother of fuck.

stop fucking complaining.

i think that just saying no is kind of a reflex.

we could probably both use a drink after this.

sympathy’s in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

do your puking when you’re walking.

trust’s not your thing, eh?

i’ll fuck you up again, you fucking piece of shit.

what are you fucking doing, you fucking clown?

i swear to god, you’re a waste of fucking skin.

the suspense is killing me.

just calm the fuck down.

why don’t you fucking tickle him to death?

big fucking mouth on a little lad.

i’ve been shot!

did you get shot, you idiot?

i’m hit, but i’m good.

it’s too late. i’ve been insulted.

bet you thought you were too handsome to get shot, huh?

i’m just impressed you haven’t needed a nap yet.

i forgot whose side i’m on.

you still breathing?

aim with two hands, ___.

quit your fucking whining.

what am i gonna tell your mother?

you’re gonna make me fucking puke.

i express my sympathies to ___ for the loss of his special friend.

i’m sure ___’s off to a better place. maybe he’ll even make something of himself down there.

i like your style.

that was the last time he had a drink.

get me an ambulance.

i’m gonna stack the bodies of your 11 children on top of each other and burn them on your lawn.

there’s more blood on the floor here than a sausage factory.

i’ll shoot him in the fucking head.

you smell of perfume!

does anyone care what happened to me, by any chance?

save it for your fucking autobiography.

i thought you were fucking dead.

i know you fucked it all up.

jesus-fucking-christ.

poke him in the eye. see if he flinches.

you seem like a nice girl.

we can’t all be nice girls.

i’ll tell you what, we’ll have a fucking cigarette.

ugh. men.

i see you, you fucking yeti.

fuck off, you freak of nature.

you gotta smoke less dope if you wanna hit something once in a while.

get the fuck out of here, you fucking zombie!

sure. why the fuck not?

they really did a number on you, didn’t they?

[quasyarchive]

dbaa​.

Angelo lets him talk. Angelo lets him talk, and lets the silence stretch on for a minute after he’s done talking, and in that silence Angelo tries to filter back through his memories of the last few minutes to work out what the fuck he said that precipitated a response as baffling as this. His brows furrow and then lift. Whose story. What story. Why are pegs involved. What the hell is going on.

“I don’t know what we’re talkin’ about any more.” He has the distinct memory of potentially trying to be intimidating or something — but whatever mood he’d been grasping for there is long gone, now his face has been holding onto sheer bafflement for too long.

the path diverges here, but it’s ike taking the route to talk of death instead of angelo. it misses him, too, that he’s caused any confusion.

         ‘ i’m sorry, are people gettin’ killed in your story so much that you can say ‘this is how people get killed’ and move on to the next thing that easy? because i’m in your story, presently, and i don’t want to know that you don’t know what we’re talkin’ about. ’ he takes a moment to collect himself. he fails. ‘ are my triangle pegs gonna get me killed? ’

[quasyarchive]

@damnthings​.

with a thick boston accent which miss hill decidedly does not have: ‘ would it comfort you more to think you’re hallucinatin’? ’ he asks. then for show, leading in the next part, ike holds his hand upright and rigid in the air like a mime pressing on glass. ‘ or that there’s a reflective surface here and you might’a taken up the habit of talking to yourself? ’

[quasyarchive]

more before i lose it:

his favorite joke to pull is “you should see your face” immediately succeeded by a flash of an imitation of their face

he’s the best at recreating structures he’s seen a lot of: he could almost perfectly shift into the stars of his favorite movies, for instance

he’ll give less time and effort to jobs where the stakes seem lower to him. the people who hire him don’t know this, of course, but if someone’s dealing with something like contesting their first parking ticket he might just slap some freckles on

[quasyarchive]

when i was trying to come up with a handle i kept circling back to “dupe,” which led to this being established as a fact very, very early on by my standards:

in criminal circles, ike is privately referred to as “the dupe” — occasionally “the dupe of (location)” when people are having fun with it. it originates from his ability to make his face a “dupe” of someone else’s, as well as his being something of a dupe for wittingly inserting himself into precarious situations.

the title is kept a secret from ike until he’s mistaken for the client he’s impersonating by an unobservant friend of the client, who comfortably calls him “the dupe,” as though speaking about instead of to him. he briefly takes offense, then advantage (business cards).

[quasyarchive]

alright CLEARLY i’ve got a voice to figure out here but if you’d like a starter you should like-a this

[quasyarchive]

@dbaa​ asked ( meme ):  “This is how people get killed, when their stories don’t fit.” from ANGELO

         ‘ i mean. maybe parts of it are a little square-peg. or triangle-peggy, because that’d still— ’ he makes brackets of his fingers and knocks his hands together once, one on top of the other, in his best approximation of a gesture that means ‘close?’. ‘ it’d go in a round hole, it’d just hurt goin’ in. like swallowing a chip before you chewed it. but it fits well enough overall. ’

ike waits a beat, then checks: ‘ are we talking about my story or your story? ’

[quasyarchive]

@solichor​.

         ‘ hey, you-ever-see,-um. ’ he’s excited himself by cracking his wimpy conversational floodgates, so the first bunch of words come out with force. ‘ you know ‘who’s on first’? you ever get introduced to something like that too late and think if little-kid you had seen it you’d be funnier as an adult, maybe? i think i missed out. like, someone failed me. ’

[jessicahide]

THE DEATH OF STALIN (2017) SENTENCE STARTERS feel free to modify pronouns etc. as necessary! content warning for violence, death, gore.

“Put that apple down. You’re always eating bloody apples.”

“You’re obstructing the story.”

“You keep saying that. It’s not helping.”

“Shoot her before him but make sure he sees it.”

“Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna get killed, I promise you.”

“This is just a musical emergency.”

“Nobody be alarmed, it’s fine.”

“Sit down! Do not defy me!”

“Time for a cowboy movie.”

“I hope this office isn’t bugged.”

“As God is my witness, I won’t do it. The Lord will see me through.”

“What the fuck? What fucking brainless fire-safety fucking idiot put that there?”

“I’m exhausted. I can’t remember who’s alive and who isn’t.”

“It would be simpler and cheaper if they just drove straight into a river.”

“This is unauthorised narcissism.”

“What took you so long? Did you fucking walk here?”

“Each name you give me is one less bit of you I’ll cut off.”

“Greetings, by the way.”

“Do it or I’ll cut your eyes out one at a time so you can watch it happening.”

“I was testing you. Get used to that sort of challenge.”

“Are you wearing pyjamas?”

“You’re not auditioning for the Bolshoi.”

“Can we just stop twittering like fishwives at the market and concentrate?”

“He’s heavier than I thought he’d be.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? That’s mad.”

“You have a nice long sleep. I’ll take it from here.”

“How can you run and plot at the same time?”

“Look at that herb garden. Does nobody tend it any more? Do people no longer eat herbs any more? Do they only eat weeds?”

“You look dead.”

“I wanted you to know that no matter what happens, I will never ever let any harm come to you.”

“Who said anything about harm?”

“Who would put a lamp on a chair?”

“Fuck my boots!”

“You’re not even a person!”

“You look like you’re about to be bulldozed into a lime pit.”

“Do you want me to hold back your hair?”

“It is my duty to look good for the people.”

“I will deal with whatever horseshit you have presently.”

“Please understand that this is not some cynical ploy.”

“I’m unsure of what’s being proposed.”

“You’re being obstructionist.”

“We’ve got a cobweb large enough to snag a sheep.”

“What’s a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?”

“I mean, I’m smiling, but I am very fucking furious.”

“You never kiss my hand any more.”

“A vile crime has been perpetrated.”

“You’re a fucking stain on that uniform.”

“I should have intercepted his fist with my face.”

“I simply don’t care.”

“You know, I think I misspoke when I said, “No problem.” What I meant was, “No. Problem.””

“Sometimes the shortest speeches are the most memorable.”

“You’re bending and cracking the truth like a human body.”

“What the barrelling fuck are you talking about?”

“Who the fuck in their right mind would want everlasting life?”

“Two clowns, one joke between you. Work on your fucking material.”

“Fuck off or I’ll punch you into a sticky pulp.”

“If you could do me a favour and just nod as I’m speaking.”

“People are looking to me for reassurance and I have no idea what’s going on.”

“Are you blaming the dead for their own death?”

“It’s time you realised who kept the dagger out of your back. Show some fucking respect.”

“I’ve seen what you’ve done. I know the truth. It’s all written down.”

“Only friends could shout at each other like this.”

“He’s using you. He’s using you, and then he’s gonna kill you.”

“I’ve had nightmares that made more sense than this.”

“I hate being sober. It’s a terrible, terrible mood to be in.”

“Stick by my side or you’ll be beaten inside out and strung up for the crows.”

“Act sombre, act respectful, like the rest of us, please.”

“Saddle up, cowboy.”

“Take his belt off. It’s hard to run away with your pants falling down.”

“I’m gonna enjoy peeling the skin from your self-satisfied face.”

“I have been picturing this moment every day for the last three decades.”

“You should feel at home in a lavatory, you little coil of shit.”

“Fucking hell, I’m knackered. It’s been a busy old week.”

“I will bury you in history.”

“You smell like rendered horse.”

“This is how people get killed, when their stories don’t fit.”

“Can you ever trust a weak man?”

[colinfarrelldaily]

Colin Farrell as Ray in In Bruges (2008)