I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks, not because I’ve been too busy (I still have more free time than I’m used to), but because I’ve had a harder time adjusting than I expected. I don’t want this post to come across as if I’m complaining, because I am still honored and humbled to be here, but I think it’s important to recognize that this program isn’t a one-dimensional journey of exploration, “finding-myself,” and constant enjoyment. Recently, a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years reached out to me and asked, “How do you do it?” as in, “You seem so happy and positive all of the time, what’s your secret?” Well, the secret (that isn’t a secret at all) is that social media is a facade, and I usually choose to keep quiet online about challenges I’m facing. However, since I want this blog to be an honest reflection of my Fulbright experience, I feel compelled to write about what’s been going on with me lately, both good and bad.
   I have had my fair share of ups and downs in this past month, and I think the majority of this can be attributed to graduating college and uprooting, not to living in Mexico specifically. I am missing my community in Fayetteville, my family, and my dearest friends. Undoubtedly, I’ve met some wonderful people here, but I don’t think I’ve accepted yet that my new friends cannot fulfill the roles of my loved-ones from home. Plus, little things that wouldn’t normally bother me, like an acquaintance bailing on plans, affect me more now that my social circle is so limited. I am extremely grateful for Bea, the other new English Teaching Assistant at UQRoo, who is in the same boat. We have been spending a lot of time together and she is awesome, but we both recognize that it’s important to make close Mexican friends. Thankfully we met Alex, from Mexico City, who is going to be our third roommate by the end of this month.
   The housing situation has been another stressor that fortunately will be ironed-out soon. Since arriving in Chetumal I have been living in an Airbnb with a family that I really like. However, unlike the other times I’ve lived with host families, this one is quite hands-off. They live on the second floor of the house, and I’m on the first, so I rarely see them. Also, meals aren’t included in the fee, so I’ve only been invited to eat with them once. Other residents probably want their own space, but I feel like I’m in limbo. If I’m living with a family, I would love to feel like I’m part of the family and not an intrusion; otherwise, I would rather have the independence of living in my own place with people my age. Thankfully, Bea, Alex, and I found a house that’s only a ten-minute walk from the university that has a great backyard. I am excited for wine-and-movie nights, bonfires, and not wearing bras at home again.
   When it boils down to it, I just wish I felt more like I belonged here. I know it’s naive to move to a foreign country and expect to feel that sense of community after less than a month, but what can I say? Patience has never been my strong-suit. Also, I recognize that I am an outsider and will always be one. People on the street aren’t going to stop staring, and that’s okay. I know the best I can do is continue to put myself out there, be open and friendly to new people, and trust that things will fall into place. Â
   On a positive note, the people at my yoga class are welcoming and upbeat and I’m so happy I get to see them three times a week. Also, I have finally started teaching! I lead English conversation circles from basic to intermediate levels, and I have students from ages 11-30.  The other Fulbrighters in my regional group have been a godsend for help with lesson planning, as well as for mental/emotional support. Last weekend I travelled to MĂ©rida with Bea and hung out with six of the other Fulbrighters living in that area. We celebrated el dĂa de la independencia de MĂ©xico together, went to a mezcalerĂa, and relaxed in the pool at one of their houses. I am returning to MĂ©rida this weekend to go with them to ChichĂ©n Itzá for the autumnal equinox. I can’t express how grateful I am for the Fulbright network here, especially our regional group mentor, Rory, whom I text when I need to vent about La Casa de las Flores (the latest series I’ve been watching). In addition, I met some environmental engineering students at UQRoo that I think I share a lot in common with. They invited me to attend their class yesterday on heat and mass transport phenomena, and it was refreshing to see familiar equations and do some calculations. While sitting in class, I realized that all the problems I’ve been confronting in Mexico have been social or pedagogical, with no clear, immediate solutions. I love math because you can (usually) plug in your numbers and arrive at an answer, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed that.
   I am probably going to post this and immediately feel guilty for saying anything negative about my situation, because I know how privileged I am to be here. I just had to get some things off my chest; if you’re reading this and going through something similar, feel free to reach out. If you’re not going through anything like this, still reach out. Like I said, I have too much free time (and I’d love to hear you).Â