of fears and fascinations @quedateconmigo - Tumblr Blog

Been a while

You’ve edited your profile so that it’s not so open anymore. I wonder what prompted you to do that.

So many things have changed that I no longer know where to begin.

So I’ll start with the latest: I now have to start learning how to wear a ring.

The over-thinker overthinks

I congratulate myself for not checking on you. And then chastise myself for congratulating myself. Because it all comes back to you.

Glimpses

I haven't checked your profile in a while. It was with conscious effort, mind you. But I finally gave in today. And I found that, I couldn't relate to your references. I don't understand where you're coming from. I do not know you anymore. But I found that you are still the person I talk to in my head about important matters. And that's so stupid, I know. Because I have no idea how you perceive me now. So it's strange to treat you like a human diary. Or maybe it's not. Because like a journal, I can't get any feedback anyway and it's like a shoutout to the Universe, which may or may not be listening.

1-1-17

They say relationships aren't always about passion. That it's also about compromise. But how many compromises can one make before she can say that she's settling? It's a scary thought. It's scary because suddenly, if he asked me to marry him, I wouldn't know how to answer. He said something the other day that shook me. He was mad and hurt, I know but still. He said he was getting tired of taking care of me. And I don't know how to heal myself from that burn. And I was ready to end it. I was imaging it in my head. I just didn't know how to translate it into action. And so, the question, posted to you, my human diary is this: how many compromises can I make before I can say that I'm just settling?

Weddings

I wish people would stop asking when I would get married. They have no idea how much more complicated that is for me with my forged baptismal certificate, my superstitious families and all my freaking biological sibling lining up to married on the 11th hour. Honestly, I don't want to take them into consider and that stoopid tradition. But it's not just me I have to think about, right? They don't know so I don't blame them for asking. But it's not as if they were really curious without jest.

#weddings #marriage

thelovejournals

I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.

Marguerite Duras, Hiroshima mon amour (via thelovejournals)

11-26

There are days that start our well enough, promising even. But sometimes those days disappoint. And I become a roller coaster of emotions until finally, I find myself in the gutter. And I don't know how I got there or how to get out but I feel stuck. And I start doing all these outlandish, spontaneous things. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't. Have you read the book Furiously Happy? You should. It kind of helps in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm alone in feeling this. Maybe I should reread that instead of rereading Rick Riordan's Nurse Mythology books.

It's hard to find some quiet in one of the most popular beaches in the world. But when you do, cherish it and blow a kiss into the wind.

#boracay

The struggle is real.

10-12

When you accept someone's friend request on Facebook and 2 seconds later they them you, and say they've been waiting a year for you to accept that request. Would it be in poor taste to unfriend them again?

8-5

The war on drugs in the country is appalling. It brings a cool down my spine when I hear not the president and his officials talk about extrajudicial killings without condoning them (shame shame shame)--because honestly, that was his whole campaign--but the people I know and otherwise respect support and celebrate this. As if their version of exacting justice against drugs merits the lack of due process and justice due to these people whose deaths they treat as a victory. My feelings are compounded by the fact that someone threatened by newly operated-on father with death and violence for something we have no idea on. Usually, we would not overreact. But given the current state of events, any threat of this kind must be treated as if it is out with intent to pursue such threat.

Frozen eggs

I feel my biological clock ticking. I never thought this would be something I would find myself worrying about. If I had the means, I'd totally want to freeze my eggs.

‘Jealous’ is available to preorder now on iTunes http://smarturl.it/JealousiT?IQid=vevo Follow Labrinth online: https://www.facebook.com/LabrinthTV https://t...

Jealous I'm jealous of the rain That falls upon your skin It's closer than my hands have been I'm jealous of the rain I'm jealous of the wind That ripples through your clothes It's closer than your shadow Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, 'cause [Chorus:] I wished you the best of All this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me All you found was heartbreak and misery It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me I'm jealous of the nights That I don't spend with you I'm wondering who you lay next to Oh, I'm jealous of the nights I'm jealous of the love Love that wasn't here Gone for someone else to share Oh, I'm jealous of the love, 'cause [Chorus:] I wished you the best of All this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me All you found was heartbreak and misery It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me As I sink in the sand Watch you slip through my hands Oh, as I die here another day 'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile [Chorus:] I wished you the best of all this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me All you found was heartbreak and misery It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me

#labyrinth #music #jealous #lyrics

It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain There'll be no last chance, I promise to never mess it up again Just a sweet pain of watching your back as you walk As I'm watching you walk away And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head And I remember every word you said It's a cool thing you'll never know all the ways I tried It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head And I remember every word you said And you never were and you never will be mine No, you never were and you never will be mine For the first time, there is no mercy in your eyes And the cold wind's hitting my face and you're gone And you're walking away And I am helpless sometimes, wishing's just no good 'Cause you don't see me like I wish you would 'Cause you never were and you never will be mine No, you never were and you never will be mine There's a moment to seize every time that we meet But you always keep passing me by No, you never were and you never will be mine I saw you at the station You had your arm around what's-her-name She had on that scarf I gave you You got down to tie her laces 'Cause you never were and you never will be mine (You looked happy and that's great) No, you never were and you never will be mine (I just miss you, that's all) 'Cause you never were and you never will be mine No, you never were and you never will be mine There's a moment to seize every time that we meet But you have always keep passing me by No, you never were and you never will be mine 'Cause you never were and you never will be mine No, you never were and you never will be mine There's a moment to seize every time that we meet But you have always keep passing me by No, you never were and you never will be mine

#music #lyrics #Be Mine #Robyn Carlsson

7-17

Sometimes I feel like my life isn't my. That when i make decision as small as where will i spend the weekend to as big as will I migrate, i have to take into consideration the 'inconvenience' to my family. And they know it. My parents talk about how selfish my siblings are for not spending weekends with them, nor taking care of them enough, etc. And i can only assume they say the same about me when I'm not around. And i understand where my parents are coming from because of my upbringing. But now that I'm more grown up, i also understand where my siblings are coming from because that's where i am, too. I think about all the things i could be doing with my money and my time on weekends, which organizations i could be volunteering for, which classes i could be taking if I didn't need the insurance money, the health card and the regular salary. I love my parents and my family. I do. It's just that sometimes, i think they have so much more control over my life than i do.

#family #dailyrants

7-9

I'm telling myself to face one crisis at a time. You see, I feel like have imposter syndrome (read furiouslyhappy, iz good). Anyway, I have to give thisrousing speech tomorrow and I feel likeable I've bitten off more than I can chew. And then, I got into your college for my MA. Only, the deadlines they've set for requirements are impossible for me to meet because oim still away on business during the whole time process they want me to process the requirements. And I've told them this over and over and no one responds. So maybe your college just really doesn't like me. Or maybe, I have to look elsewhere again. But one crisis at a time. So think about tomorrow first and I tell myself to pretend I'm good.

#dear Snape - love Lily #unsent letters

You know when you asked me if I hated you?

On days like this, I hate you for not being here for me. I hate myself after for wanting that.

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of fears and fascinations