lana said fuck the bullshit
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR oooops kjhbsflablisĀ
Suddenly im a stan of lana again

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DEAR READER
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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I'd rather be in outer space šø
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@queen-luci
lana said fuck the bullshit
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR oooops kjhbsflablisĀ
Suddenly im a stan of lana again
Shout out to all my straight sisters Iām so sorry š
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning.Ā They donāt want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldnāt be able to get his own food if I wasnāt at home, Iād get home from work and heād be angry at me for āmaking him starveā
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasnāt a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didnāt believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about āmaking a fussā, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them āyour brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,ā and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who wonāt do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they arenāt good people, either, and you donāt have to put up with their shit.
peak cooking competition humor is when a contestant doesnāt know where or what something is and the camera just slowly zooms in on it
linguini from ratatouille is the most accurate representation of a broke millennial, like he has no idea what he wants to do with his life and has a shitty apartment and gets drunk and has intense anxiety and actually acknowledges how weird his situation is. like, he just found this rat that can cook and can somehow communicate and control his actions by pulling on his hair and thatās weird af, but fuck it he really needs this job so fine let the rat cook, he doesnāt even care how weird his life is anymore he just needs money.
Linguini:
In honor of 19-year-old Simone Biles being named Woman Of The Year byĀ ESPN.Ā
She won a record four gold medals at the Olympics. Sheās untouchable!
Congratulations!
okay but she is just literally flying. She doesnāt obey the laws of physics. She is her own law. Biles Law. Coolest woman ever.
I AM SOOOO PROUD š¢š¢šš¾šš¾šš¾šš¾šš¾šš¾
(via vnevah)
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Sheās cozy
Super cozy!
Pretty kitty
Reblog ifā¦
Reblog this if you have any of these:
Depression
Bipolar
Autism/Aspergers
ADHD
ADD
OCD
Anorexia
Bulimia
Schizophrenia
Borderline personality disorder
Anxiety
Dementia
PTSD
Paranoia
Stress
Anger issues
Tourettes
Any one that has any of these, just know, you are not alone, no matter how much you think you are not worthy. You are still human.
Saying something risky right before you leave the conversation
Iāve just discovered my new favorite painter, Vittorio Reggianini - those smarter than myself probably already know of him as an Italian painter from the 1800s who made satin look even satiny-er than satin. I just cannot get over how much he loved painting women who were NOT. HAVING. A. MANāS. SHIT.Ā
But there was one hottie that everyone seemed to like, and I canāt blame themā¦
Vittorio knows what the ladies like.Ā
WHEN HE TELLS YOU TO CHILL
Why did she use shadow clone jitsu like it was nothing
everytime I stay at a hotel I take a bite out of the soap bar to confuse the cleaning staff
hey op real quick what the Actual fuck
I donāt want to āfeelā empowered. I want to be empowered. Where is my fucking land? Or my higher position in society? Why are women supposed to feel grateful about a āfeelingā? Whilst men are actually empowered.
Wow. Iāve literally never thought about it this way.
john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because heās what Straight Culture should be
he literally called her a bitch so letās raise the standards ladies and gentlemen
the bar is at the earthās coreĀ
literally fuck you to hell tumblr
This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically Iāve seen anyoneās words taken out of context in quite a while
John Mulaneyās entire thing about his wife (and when she was his girlfriend) is about undoing the toxic horseshit that male comedians have done in talking shit about their wives for so fucking long. When he first mentions her, he says about his Jewish girlfriendĀ āthis is gonna get playfully antisemitic,ā except it doesnāt [note: I am not Jewish, and I am aware that shades my perceptions]. He talks about how sheās forthright and helps him be better at standing up for himself because heās really fucking bad at confrontation and she is very good at pointing out that he shouldnāt have to wait an hour for food at a restaurant or be stranded at an airport. The parts of her nature that would be derided for beingĀ āso Jewishā by other comedians are some of the reasons John loves her. She doesnāt take shit, and he realizes that he doesnāt have to.Ā
When he mentions her in the latest special, he mentions the conversation quoted above before he dives in. HE IS AWARE HOW LOW THE BAR IS. And what are his stories? Thereās no nagging wife. Thereās no stories of her not getting how manly he is. The jokes are about what a fucking dork he is and how her responses are in line with WHAT A FUCKING DORK HE IS. He ADORES her because she doesnāt give a fuck, and he is aware he gives entirely too many fucks.Ā
And when he finally DOES tell a story about her messing something up, itās a hilarious misunderstanding about the Last Supper that John finds fucking hilarious because he was raised Catholic, so the Last Supper is a BIG DEAL, and sheās Jewish, so it wasnāt on her radar. The story is hilarious because itās about a very cute and funny misunderstanding based on different backgrounds. Itās not aboutĀ āfinallyā one-upping that bitch he married. Itās about being DELIGHTED to find out that bitch he likes so much has a fucking hilarious take on the Last Supper.Ā
Bring me WAY MORE male comedians like John Mulaney, and this bitch will be happy.
Plus, if you compare his recent versus early shows, you can watch him come to awareness about the toxic masculinity inherent in old-school standup and grow as a comedian into someone much funnier at the same time. Kudos.
this isnāt about love
when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon
Your brother is the best
Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito
the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito