I know you think I hate you, or you think I'm bitter - well, I am bitter. I'm hurt, because I thought I was losing my best friend. You know how it goes; when a couple split, and be just friends, majority of the time the other forgets - that's why I'm hurt. Because I know you'd stop talking to me eventually. Because once upon a time you used to speak to me on the daily. I loved talking to you. But you, I guess, didn't feel the same way? And another thing, I know there will be someone better. I know that when you come back, and if you come back, someone else will catch your eye, and then you definitely forget me. It happened with you and Chaotic, when I came along. It'll happen to me, too. And I shouldn't care, I shouldn't be hurt.
But I am. It's stupid that I won't ever come back to Harley or see Harley with someone else and to be honest... I don't want that. And you could tell me in every which way to move on and forget, but I can't. I don't know how it's so easy for guys to move on. When I said I didn't have a reason to come back, that reason was you - I wanted you to come back and... start a new slate; never had anyone as good as you. You're the best. I admit it. I want to be friends, it's just hard right now; can you really be friends with someone you were in love with? Is it really that simple? No, it isn't, at least from a female's perspective. I sound stupid, I know. You're probably thinking, "Why the hell did I even get involved with her." - I'm like Chaotic. Pretty sure of it.
I'm being selfish, I know I shouldn't try and convince you to be here, specially if you aren't happy with me, and maybe I'm just fucking jealous. I don't want to lose you, but a part of me kinda knew I would eventually. And it happened. I'm trying to make you understand where I'm coming from. You could have told me, "We aren't working out." I mean, yeah, I would have been hurt, but it would have saved me all this... stupid ranting and aching. I thought I was doing things right? You wanted positivity, and so I gave you that. Always came around happy and dealt with my personal problems alone. Even though you told me not to worry, I did. I tried to make you smile once a day, and you told me I did. Stood up and made sure you got home safe from your crazy antics, got myself together like you wanted. Promised to be beside you while you got your shit together and stopped doing cocaine.
We always fought, but came back stronger. Threw daggers in each others back but closed the wounds with long talks and heart to hearts. Made threats to go separate ways but found it was so hard to say goodbye to someone who knew us better than we knew ourselves. Spewed venom through our words but healed it with apologies and promises we kept. I know I kept mine. I guess I thought it meant something. And you warned me long ago that you were bad for me, but I didn't care, because I searched for an angel within a demon, and for awhile, Jai, I saw that angel. So yes, I am hurt. Broken, damaged, whatever word you wish to use. No, I am not playing the victim, I'm being vulnerable and telling you what I couldn't say due to the fact that I was trying to be calm. I don't think I could ever hate you, no matter how much I try. I'm just gonna miss you IMing me randomly, or sending me pictures, being here for me and allowing me to be there for you. All of that. I've given it my all, but if it isn't enough, I get it. I'm probably overthinking, sure. You're probably mad, yeah. We were opposites but worked so well. That's what you said. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I wish you nothing but happiness and I hope life treats you right.
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