what @queenofasstho - Tumblr Blog

Idk how I got into this account or who the hell i was the last time I was on here. Im no Longer the manic, strung out, reckless kid I was 2 years ago. I’m a strong, sober, happy mother to a beautiful baby girl that saved my life. I’m glad I have this account back tho so I have a place to process everything that’s happened in the past year & eventually look back, hopefully even more mature & happy if that’s even possible.

The truth.

For the past 6 1/2ish months I have been extremely manic. I can be functional for so long before I start self destructing even tho that's supposed to make me feel better right? Ive taken probably about 2 1/2 months off work and have ruined the life I've built for myself that I love so much but cannot thrive there.

It's not like I don't know im getting worse. I breathe. I snuggle soft blankets and stuffed animals. I cry when I feel the need.

The world isn't real without her.

I sleep an average 20 hours a week, ingest about 5000

I've detatched from people so I can't go overboard and ignore myself and submerge myself into anyone and I'm trying to be more open to help and that also makes me want to die more.

Music is the only thing I understand.

I am completely detatched from my cards and that's a whole other level of emotion.

I am lost.