stopbotheringmedammit

[jramseyi]

Pet Dragon

[writing-prompt-s]

A panicked scream of “Is anybody here a doctor?” You tentatively raise your hand. “I’m a Necromancer, if you’re willing to wait a few minutes.”

[memesandlaughs]

[memescomedy]

Memes & Comedy

[badjokesbyjeff]

Gas prices are so high…

That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..

[browncoatgrl221b]

Fandom GPS

No but imagine one where you could alternate fandoms each day;

Supernatural Fandom GPS Day:

Bobby: “Ya, idjit, go another half mile and turn back around.” Castiel: “I don’t understand. There is a store called ‘Winchester Gear’? What do they sell? Salt shotgun shells?” Crowley: “I run Hell and I don’t even want to go to this place. Why exactly do you want directions there?”

Harry Potter Fandom GPS Day:

Snape: “Take exit three hundred and ninety four.” McGonagall: “Turn left now, you babbling, bumbling baboon.” Luna: “If you look out your window more often, you’re much more likely to spot a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.”

Sherlock Fandom GPS Day:

Mycroft: “If you could manage it, a left turn this century wouldn’t be your worst decision ever.” Mrs. Hudson: “I’m not even your landlady, dear, but if you want my directions, you’ll go back home and have a nice cuppa.” Lestrade: “Right, what you want to do here is look out for the lane changes, because the traffic can be murder.”

Doctor Who Fandom GPS Day:

Amy Pond: “Ya bloody idiot, what ya wanna go that way for?” River Song: “Oh, are we going somewhere? How exciting!” Clara Oswald: “Drive. Drive you clever human. And remember to always wear your seatbelt.”

Lord of the Rings Fandom GPS Day:

Legolas: “My elf eyes see that you’ll need to turn west in 3 miles.” Gimli: “Increase speed when you get off the interchange. Nobody cuts off a dwarf!” Gollum: “Turn right here, Precious. Yes, right here! Gollum!”

Marvel Fandom GPS Day:

Nick Fury: “I recognize that you missed the turn, but given that it was an important turn, I’m going to need to recalculate now.” Loki: “You missed the turn. Well, I’m not exactly shocked. You must not be truly desperate to reach your destination.” JARVIS: “May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on the right course?”

[badjokesbyjeff]

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”

Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”

Officer: “Ok, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?”

Me: “A car.”

Officer:“Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?”

Me:“I have no idea!”

Officer:“So, you’re drunk.”

Me:“But I didn’t drink anything.”

Officer:“Okay, one more test – Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle.”

Officer:“Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?”

Me:“I have no idea!”

Officer:“As I suspected, you’re drunk!”

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me:“So…, counter question – You’re driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?”

Officer:“A prostitute of course.”

Me:“Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?”

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend…

[memescomedy]

Memes & Comedy

[writing-prompt-s]

I love your page. It's fun to see how people will write comepletly different plots and idea's to the exact same prompt! The diversity a single idea can spawn!

The embodyment of "It may have been done a mill times over, but only you can write an idea like you can."

Exactly! It’s amazing to read what people come up with. Sometimes it’s disappointing to read comments like ‘this is the plot of […]’ or ‘already done before’. Never makes any sense to me. That would be like telling an artist never to bother painting a tree because someone else already painted one. So to all writers out there: your story is unique. Only you can write it the way you do. Keep on writing!

[memescomedy]

Memes & Comedy

[memescomedy]

Memes & Comedy

[memescomedy]

Memes & Comedy

[badjokesbyjeff]

**ON THE SIXTH DAY… **

God Creating Spiders

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

God Creating Kittens

God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs

Angel: that’s so swee….

God: And put razor blades on their feet

God Creating Mosquitos

God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…

God Creating Bees

God: Put a needle on it’s bum

Angel: Come on God, what –

God: Make it’s puke delicious

Angel: What the hell!!!

God Creating Praying Mantis

God: Make an insect that does karate

Angel: Okay…

God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off

Angel: Dude, we need to talk

God Creating Dogs

God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point

God Creating Pandas

God: Cow bears

Angel: What?

God: Did I stutter?

Angel: ??

God: Take a cow and make it a bear

God Creating Snakes

God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time

God Creating Alligators

God: See that log?

Angel: Yeah?

God: Fill it with teeth

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT!

God Creating Jellyfish

God: How about an evil bag?

God Creating Parrots

God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?

[badjokesbyjeff]

God will protect me from COVID-19

A good Christian man walked into Walmart and was offered a mask by the store greeter. The man politely declined saying God would protect him from Covid. Later the man went to his doctor for a routine check up. The doctor told him everything is fine and they also have all three different types of the Covid vaccine if he would like one. Again the man politely declined saying God would protect him from Covid. A few weeks later the man fell very ill. He went back to his doctor and to his disbelief was diagnosed with Covid and admitted to the hospital. After days of holding on he finally fell victim to his illness. When the man reached the gates of heaven God was there waiting for him. The man asked God why he didn’t protect him from Covid? God looked at him and said, I had people offer you free masks and three different vaccines to choose from you dummy. Also you’re going to have to quarantine in hell for a few weeks.

[brainsanalysis-deactivated20210]

Hello please reblog this if you're okay with people sending you random asks to get to know you better

[everythingfox]

[pukicho]

are you this stupid in real life too

Uh huh just about