I was having a conversation with a co-worker that sparked a thought in my mind. The concept of fear came into discussion and it led me down memory lane. Before I dive further, lets define the word "Fear". "Fear -an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat". There was a time in my life when I walked around in a constant state of fear. Growing up in that state had a negative impact on my decisions and my perception of the world. I could not appreciate the beauty, the culture, and the joy of life. Most issues I have overcome were a direct result of things that happened to me during my childhood. When fucked up shit happened to you as a child, you do not "outgrow" it. Those memories are imbedded in your brain, they become apart of your being, and shape your perception of the world. Fear was something instilled in me by my mother. She was fierce, blazing harsh curse words out her mouth and using her fist, shoes, extension cords, and just about anything you can think of to punish my siblings and I. This happened on a daily basis, for common childhood hiccups such as getting your clothes dirty, bed wetting, not cleaning up your room, arguing with siblings, and occasional clumsiness. If I stood next to my mother and she raised her hand (for any reason), I would flinch in fear that she might hit me . I just never knew what was going to set her off next. I was emotionally unstable, highly anxious, and self-conscious about everything I did. Most black mother's pride themselves on " beating the shit" out of their children. In my community yelling at, screaming at, and beating your children meant you were a good mother. These poor practices are masked by calling it "Discipline". Discipline uses different approaches to teach, reinforce, and introduce structure to children. It is an on going process and requires patience, dedication, and repetition. This is the total opposite of beating children. Beating children doesn't teach them anything but how to lash out in emotional frustration. Because when parents beat their children, that's exactly what they are doing. They are releasing pinned up emotions and venting frustration. As I grew into my teenage years, I viewed the world as a negative place. I believed everyone was shady or had some agenda to get over on me. My mind was closed off to meeting new people and trying new things. I sought out negativity in the world and attached myself to it. During those years, I was very depressed and would often drift off alone and just cry. I was an emotional wreck and could not understand why I felt so bad. I began to look for something to make me feel good. Sex, drugs, food, and alcohol became my options and I indulged in all four heavily.Attending college is actually what set me free from fear and negative thinking. I attribute my education to my overall personal development because it developed my critical thinking skills. I started to examine my life from a logical prospective. I started to analyze my actions and their contribution to my situation. Through that analysis I started to realize that no outside source can harm me unless I allow it to. I realized I don't need any outside source to make me feel good. I started to see that I am the one who controls whether or not I'm happy. Happiness isn't within material possessions, a significant other, or money. It's about your mental state and how you feel about yourself. It's about your satisfaction with yourself, your life, and where you are at this point. It's about if your holding on to the past and its weighing you down. It's about if your attaching yourself to other peoples problems and its weighing you down. It's about if your surrounding yourself with negative energy and its weighing you down. If you haven't caught on yet, you can see that the focal theme in this is YOU. Overcoming fear and negativity took years to accomplish. I feels as if a humongous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time, in my life I can honestly say I am truly happy. It feels amazing to live life and enjoy it without being worried, anxious, or fearful without reason. Are you allowing outside sources to control your life? Are you consumed with anxiety and fear? Dig deep into yourself and find out why. You have to address that issue to improve your quality of life.You have the power to control your mind and your thoughts. It's your responsibility to dictate the outcome of your life. Grab the wheel and turn your life in the direction you want it to go!Thank you for reading :)
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