Crowley is responsible for Ikea
*Crowley in Hell in 1943*
Crowley: So the idea is to make this massive super center where people can buy everything and anything for their home at unreasonably low prices...
Ligur: That doesn't sound very evil...
Crowley: EXACTLY! Too good to be true, right? Until you get there. Then you're shuffled through this endless maze of choices and ideas and inspiration for all of your decorating needs. You end up spending hours there, drudging from show room to show room.
Ligur: I still fail to see what about that...
Crowley: Are you kidding me?!? Husbands and wives arguing over which dining room set best matches their living room. Kids crying for cheap toys that mum and dad keep saying 'no' to. GIANT shopping bags that allow for a bunch of the tiny household and office appliances you didn't know you needed, but they're oh so cheap!!! Everyone leaves frustrated, compromised, and broke! I'm effectively turning their freedom of choice against them! And the best part? Once they've endured all of that... They have to go home and build the furniture themselves, spending even more hours decoded the instructions and diagrams!
Hastur: But if people are going to get so frustrated and angry, then why won't they just leave?
Crowley: They can't! I purposely influenced the chief architect to create a pathway that they are literally herded though like cattle! They can't leave until they walk all the way through!
Beelzebub: But why would people go there if they know it's going to take them hours to shop?
Crowley: I'm actually quite proud of this bit; we put a resturaunt right in the middle! Swedish food, Swedish dishes, and desserts so rich that the children are wound back up and bouncing off the walls for the rest of the trek! They break things, demand for more toys, and frustrate their parents even more!
Hastur: Why Swedish?
Crowley: Why not?
Hastur:
Ligur:
Beelzebub:
Crowley: Can I get a våhoo?
