queer banalities @queerbanalities - Tumblr Blog

life notes

Am now 18 weeks pregnant...that was fast!

Got diagnosed w blighted ovum (nonviable pregnancy, impending miscarriage) at 8 weeks due to a large, empty gestational sac

But the following week the OB was like, wait nm, every is all good! So that was a mindfuck.

And everything is pretty swell other than wicked horrible heartburn. I can now feel fetal movement on a frequent basis which has cut way down on the "omg is fetus OK" anxiety. We are preparing for our homebirth with hypnosis. Yep. I realize that makes me sound like a total cliché but fuck it.

Am 6 weeks into being a wizened second year teacher of the children which is a thooousand times easier than being a first year teacher of the children. I also no longer have a particular student with oppositional defiant disorder, adhd, and dysgraphia in my class, so my work days are just way less dramatic. I honestly do miss him though and am considering hiring him as a babysitter 😁 he's amazing with little kids (D worships him) and way more competent in real life stuff than most 13yo's.

Lil D is 3 years old! He's a hoot. So outgoing. School was closed today so we took the 8am commuter ferry for a day of fun and he talked to EVERYONE on the boat: "Hi, what's your name? I'm D. I'm three. I used to be two and a half. I'm going to San Francisco. Are you going to San Francisco? Everyone on this boat is going to San Francisco. I have a baby, too, you know. My mama is growing it right now. You can't make a baby out of nothing, you need an egg and a sperm and a uterus. When the baby is two and a half I'm going to swing them by the feet. Look at those waves, the boat is making them. OH! LOOK! I CAN SEE SAN FRANCISCO WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"

Meanwhile I was wishing I could disappear into my hoodie.

thought-i-to-myself

I thought you were in Copenhagen?

I am- I was.

thought-i-to-myself

Remember that time we heard Ann Walker say “Anne” like that and had no idea that our lives were about to change forever? 🎩🎩

queerbanalities

Gentleman Jack has brought me back to Tumblr

peanutworm

You, an intellectual: 9+7=16

Me, with ADHD: if you take 1 from 9 and give it to 7 thats 8+8 and 8x2 is 16

Someone, usually a Teacher: NOT LIKE THAT YOU HEATHEN

chiefmilesobrien

This is literally how I would have done it

thewildonion

9 is a hungry bitch and takes one from 7, making it 10+6=16

peanutworm

VALID

geekandmisandry

Me, a wild dyscalculiac: *counts it out on fingers*

cooltrainerzero

Hi. I’m a professional math tutor. I am “good with numbers.” I have answered muttered questions while the person was trying to figure out how to solve them using a calculator. I have been gawped at and referred to as a “human calculator” many times.

Here’s a secret: These tricks are exactly how people who are “good with numbers” do quick mental math. Anyone who tells you not to use them is wrong. (Including the fingers thing. Fingers help you keep track of numbers. That’s good.)

oglegoggle

If…. If I get more fingers will I be better at math?

r9when

yes this is 100% how it works

queerbanalities

As a Montessori teacher I absolutely condone these strategies

myothertardisisonthemun

I sent a letter today - something I haven’t done for years

It’s full of plastic bread clips

It’s for Science

myothertardisisonthemun

At the risk of loosing some mystery, I think I should add some context:

There’s this website-I mean, scientific organization called the Holotypic Occlupanid Reasurch Group.

They are a group of abiologists who study and classify Bread clips.

I found a species that has not yet been described:

Yay for citizen science 👍

numberlover1729

wtf?

myothertardisisonthemun

Update:

meckamecha

Apparently HORG is widely appreciated by pediatricians since knowing exactly what kind of Occlupanid a child may have swallowed makes removing it safely much easier

gallusrostromegalus

HOLY SHIT HORG IS BACK ON MY DASH!!! Also I’m so glad that they help pediatricians, that’s very nice.

shitacademicswrite

I want to know all about this, and also what kingdom of taxonomy Occlupanids are in. Also I just got the meaning of Occlupanid.

occlu–to close pan–bread Occlupanid = a specimen of “bread-closers”

EDIT: I am now reading their website, and:

Class Occlupanida (Occlu=to close, pan= bread) are placed under the Kingdom Microsynthera, of the Phylum Plasticae. Occlupanids share phylum Plasticae with “45” record holders, plastic juice caps, and other often ignored small plastic objects.

microsynthera would be small manmade items. this implies a kingdom macrosynthera, of larger manmade items. i want to see a full taxonomic tree. Also, I want to say that the difference between macro and micro is whether it’s bigger or smaller than a breadbox, but based on the above, small soda bottles would be macro, so probably not, sadly.

shitacademicswrite

I… may have sent HORG an email.

I am fucking loving this

running list of baby stuff that was good/bad/ugly as i try to remember it

honestly, i don’t really remember anything?~!?!~? about the newborn phase?!?! how is that possible.... gonna try to wrack my memory... i got rid of almost all our baby gear since we moved cross country when D turned one.

last time i got a Medela breast pump. it sucked. but not well enough. I am going to spend the extra money to get a Spectra S2 this time.

my breast friend nursing pillow was great for the newborn period. i will get one again, or maybe the boppy? boppy can also be used a bb recliner/incliner.

newborn fitted diapers with PUL covers were the bomb. All-in-one and pocket diapers were garbage and leaked like crazy.

green goo nipple cream was awesome. lanolin sucks.

herbal perineum spray was awesome. homemade padsicles were awesome. What did i put in them?! where did i get the herbs?! I don’t remember.

making 600 lasangas ahead of time was awesome, i should do that again. but now my wife and kid are GF and my wife is PALEO, so maybe lasagna without the noodles. like....meat and sauce and veggies in a casserole dish. that sounds great.

The baby k’tan in size XS was awesome, even though it’s made in israel and i’m a #BDS ride or die kinda queer. but if i buy one used, it doesn’t count, right? Chris wore a S, but she’s probably XS now too. the stretchy babywearing wraps were kinda garbage. too stretchy, too long, too hard to tie.

the rock-and-play was awesome but it’s now been unequivocally recalled due to risk of suffocation, so i need to figure out something else for a daytime/anytime sleeper. A moses basket? that seems appealing, aesthetically, but it also seems bulky/unwieldy for going out in public since I’ll also be wrangling a LOVES-TO-BOLT toddler.

the arm’s reach mini co-sleeper was fine as a bassinet and kind of useless as a co-sleeper. but we also discovered that we don’t like bed-sharing, so it’s all good. this time i’m looking for a very compact bassinet because our bedroom is really small. unless we stop renting out our basement suite and move down there. in which case we’d be a floor and a half away from dino’s bedroom at night. hm. regardless, a bassinet that i can easily move from room to room.

ZUTANO BOOTIES are the end-all, be-all of newborn footwear. not even gonna mess around with socks because they do not stay on newborn paws.

i never found a nursing bra I liked better than this $17 one from amazon. Most of the time, I just wore a nursing cami under a tee-shirt.

diaper bags are too big. when D was in diapers i just carried a few diapers and some wipes in my regular bag/gay backpack.

hm... more later

#baby gear #pregblr #second baby

queerbanalities

alsooooo i meant to send a clarifying e-mail to D’s teachers in the days leading up to mother’s day but i forgot to and on friday he came home from school with 2 hand-dyed chiffon pink scarves lolololol

mostly i’m amused imaging what D was thinking when his teacher told him to make 2 scarves

hashtag that feeling when your loving cis str8 teachers dont understand the nuance of your pop’s gender so you have two make 2 mothers day crafts even though you only have one mother

queerbanalities

Follow up on this story, like two weeks after mother's day we had an all-staff meeting (I work at D's school but on a different campus with the big kids) and before it started D's teacher took the time to apologize to me about the awkwardness of the scarf thing, noting that she knows that C obviously isn't suited to chiffon scarves but that she wanted to err on the side of doubling up vs not giving. Then she asked for clarification of pronouns and said that dino was preparing a Father's Day Gift for Chris too.

#aw #so sweet #Montessori school #lovely colleagues

Tfw you suddenly realize you just conceived an aries*

*technically EDD is end of Pisces but I went 2 weeks late with D and have every reason to believe I'll be overdue again

Aaaaand we're back, bitches!

#bfp #10dpo #queer family #queer pregnancy #home iui

Why did I convince my kids that crocheting two flags by hand for model UN was a good idea?? And why did I approve a pattern for a 3'x5' flag?? We leave in two days and still have a lot of work to do here...

ETA a better picture

#because it's good for their fine motor thats why #a lot of my tweens have weak hands from video games and smartphones #we will outclass all those store bought flags

Can I just teach latin roots for the rest of forever please?

#teacher #Montessori #elementary #latin

Here's me being a very professional realtor, working on mother's day. And hay, who DOESNT want to stare at themselves when taking a shit? Buy this house!

#realtor #real estate #mother's day #working on mother's day

solointhesand

Further Anatomical Inquiries

BOOTS: Do you have a uterus?

ME: Yep, I do.

BOOTS: Are there cats in your uterus?

ME: No, I’m pretty sure there are no cats in my uterus.

BOOTS: I have cats in MY uterus!

queerbanalities

D has been reading What Makes a Baby lately so we're also getting a lot of questions about uteruses. And he's been known to say, "I'm not a sperm anymore!"

#what makes a baby #queer parenting

sometimes i feel like my 7 years of graduate school were in vain

but then i remember D’s Foucault halloween costume when he was a newborn, and the picture i took of him in the turtleneck and pipecleaner glasses next to our cat and a stack of Foucault and i realized that IF NOTHING ELSE, graduate school was worth it just to get that one picture.

#foucault #phd #graduate school #humanities graduate school

mostly i’m amused imaging what D was thinking when his teacher told him to make 2 scarves

hashtag that feeling when your loving cis str8 teachers dont understand the nuance of your pop’s gender so you have two make 2 mothers day crafts even though you only have one mother

#first world queer problems #gay in the suburbs #they mean well #so well #we actually live in a queer mecca but its still suburban as fuck

the party was epic. we ended up having about 30 people, which was just right. food was perfect and contrary to C’s concerns, we did not run out of food or drink.

bounce house was a big hit with the 2 year olds, as was the watermelon. i was so impressed by D and his classmates. yes, they were 2 year olds at a party, but they used forks with the melon, sat to eat, spoke up when they needed to go to the bathroom, asked for consent before hugging one another or holding hands. i already knew that D’s teachers are saints/miracle workers from the developments I’ve seen in him this year and the bits i’ve observed on campus, but it was a whole different thing to see it on a community level. and so much love amongst those kids. it made me feel so positive about Montessori.

D was realllly self-possessed today, much more than i expected. i’m always a bit stressed about his behavior in these situations because as a teacher at his school, i feel VERY exposed/responsible for his behavior when there are other parents from the school around (especially since our school has a LOT of specific practices and techniques that are taught to teachers and parents). obviously, there will still scuffles between kids over objects and stray hands and feet in the bounce house (mostly accidental but not entirely). D and his buddy were struggling over a pushcart and i was able to squat to their eye level and mediate calmly with both kids participating! when i said, “hm, it seems to me like you both need some time alone with this pushcart. luckily i have a watch! A, how much time do you think you need?” A took a long pause and responded,”Hm.....six nine thirty?” <3 <3 <3 I then countered with, “what about 2 minutes for you followed by 2 minutes for D?” and he agreed readily. i guess my point is that I’m so glad D is being more gracious and less explosive in social situations, but i wish that carried over to times when its just us, because he is still very whiney and explosive for me. but thats 2, right?

my co-teacher brought his 10 month old, and D was sooooo sweet with the baby. the baby was pretty sweet on me too - i was the only person who he agreed to be held by other than his parents!