Random Musings: Answering the Big Questions...
I keep seeing over and over.
Also, because I’m hungover from my reign of terror yesterday and avoided everyone at work by living in my head.
I’m going to TRY to answer two questions I keep seeing over and over and over and over and over and over and over… you get it. I’ve seen them ad naseum. And I usually just avoid them.
1. Why people apply their experiences to a fictional relationship.
2. Why does Gruvia in particular get so much flack out of the Big 4? (setting aside certain, ahem, fandom idiosyncrasies and inflammations)
Hopefully this won’t come out as trash, since I’m still super exhausted and running on no sleep again.
I’m actually going to start out with Minerva. Because, one, I want to use an example that is pretty universally known and very dramatic since this is a difficult concept to understand. And two, I want to use an example of a relationship where the power difference is obvious. And three, I want to use an example of something outside of a romantic relationship.
Minerva was abused systematically throughout her entire childhood, emotionally and physically. I have yet to see a single person say that’s okay. Because most of us recognize that it’s not okay, according to our knowledge and experiences. This is a very common thing, so a lot of people can connect with it, right? We all look at that relationship, and no one likes the way Jiemma treats Minerva. Now imagine YOU were abused as a child. Would you like that relationship? Would you have good fuzzy warm feelings about it? Probably not. You’d either avoid thinking about it or make a connect to yourself to make sense of it.
People make connections to thing to feel socially included and to make sense of what happens in their life. All people do this about everything all the time subconsciously. It’s a human characteristic and it’s one we cultivate. Otherwise, we’d be like dogs (although, studies have actually show that primates, rats, dolphins, dogs and pigs actually CAN do this by viewing/experiencing things and then making connections to themselves).
Would you tell someone who was abused as a child that they cannot relate to or “self-insert” themselves into that relationship? I truly hope you would not do that. Doing so says to the person that their experiences are worthless and not applicable to anything outside of them. You are purposely demeaning and isolating them and shaming them, whether you intend to or not.
Different people have different sensitivities and experiences and knowledge. Someone who was abused as a child would certainly be more sensitive and knowledgeable to Minerva’s situation than someone who knew second hand or knew from books or knew from another source.
So why does Gruvia get so much flack? Why is Gruvia called toxic the most (I could argue that all 4 ships have problems personally but Gruvia does have a lot of strong feelings surrounding it on both sides)?
Who here has been crucified to a tree?
Who here has had their boyfriend murder their childhood friend and try to murder them too?
These are not common things. They don’t happen to people in their every day lives. They are not things people encounter in their relationships.
Now, if we were talking about the fact that Gajeel has never apologized to Levy - that’s relatable. There are people who do not like that aspect of their relationship at all, and they can relate to it. What about Jerza? Well, long distance relationship with no support? Relatable to some people but probably not that many. It’s a move on with your life sort of thing. Tuck it in the back of your mind, ignore it. It’s really not an on-going problem for most people in that situation.
Now here’s where this is going to get sticky. And I’m putting the read more here because I honest to god do NOT want to hear any defense of this. If you can’t manage to read this with an open mind, please don’t bother.
dededos
areudirty
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theartofmadeline
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