wallacepolsom
🪼
trying on a metaphor
will byers stan first human second
#extradirty
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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Origami Around
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tumblr dot com
occasionally subtle
$LAYYYTER
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
h
Jules of Nature
oozey mess
EXPECTATIONS
roma★
cherry valley forever
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Australia
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seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from Venezuela
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
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seen from Saudi Arabia
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@queerpeers
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
to be clear like yes fuck capitalism in general but this post is specifically referring to me having to see a customer let her dog lick her straw with my own godfearing eyes
artists rendition of me debating if health insurance is worth it
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
to be clear like yes fuck capitalism in general but this post is specifically referring to me having to see a customer let her dog lick her straw with my own godfearing eyes
every day I go to work I lose another piece of my soul
tornados are so fucking stupid like what do you mean thunderstorms just decide they wanna get on the ground and do a little twirl. like be serious
can’t believe i had a paralyzing phobia of weather ballerinas for like 14 years
tornados are so fucking stupid like what do you mean thunderstorms just decide they wanna get on the ground and do a little twirl. like be serious
list of my favorite things i said to customers during my shift today:
“i think your kid is a con artist”
“sorry about that, our staff hasn’t developed object permanence yet”
“hey remember when you tried to run me over with your car”
drinking coffee after the morning adderall wears off is like
a second stimulant has hit the maison
the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
“do you take this alpha to be your omega?”
*woofs* *glomps* *wags tail*
forget disrupting sleep cycles, THIS is why you shouldnt be on your phone right before bed jesus christ
the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
“do you take this alpha to be your omega?”
*woofs* *glomps* *wags tail*
the wedding planning website is called the WHAT
can you imagine how pissed lions would be if they found out that there’s a whole 30 days called pride month and it’s not even about them
“fucking PRIDE has no lions??? this is discrimination against the animal kingdom”
*assistant whispers in ear*
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN BEARS GET TO GO”
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
september:
a second ceremony has hit the bank account
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
september:
im having my second wedding with my wife in July so this is our schedule:
june: pride month (revving up the gay)
july: bride month (we both know she’s the star)
august: fried month (wedding planning is exhausting)
happy pride month eve im putting rainbow flags and lube under your tree and kissing your dad on the way out
one of my favorite bits with my friends is claiming that they are all carnally attracted to only one man and it is me. my straight bestie who’s also my sister’s boyfriend? wants me. my other best friend who’s deeply a lesbian? lust for me like no other. my straight former coworker who got a little tumblr famous for being a himbo? absofuckinlutely thought about no one but me. they all respect my trans identity and know im a dude, they just can’t resist my raw sensuality and oddly shaped body
my bisexual wife likes me a normal amount i guess.
i am the pinnacle of desire
i have not spent the past three years cultivating animally magnetic friendships and developing a major ego about my body that’s built like a sexy bowling ball for 20 notes btw
one of my favorite bits with my friends is claiming that they are all carnally attracted to only one man and it is me. my straight bestie who’s also my sister’s boyfriend? wants me. my other best friend who’s deeply a lesbian? lust for me like no other. my straight former coworker who got a little tumblr famous for being a himbo? absofuckinlutely thought about no one but me. they all respect my trans identity and know im a dude, they just can’t resist my raw sensuality and oddly shaped body
my bisexual wife likes me a normal amount i guess.
i am the pinnacle of desire
(caleb = former coworker, steph aka “my menace <3” = lesbian, noah = sister’s bf, selena = wife)
(speaking of wife she has read all of these texts and understands that the flirting is essential to the friendship ecosystem)
(also she flirts with my sister so it’s chill)
(don’t worry about it)
oh I forgot about joe jonas