Questioning Christian Lesbian

I’m an Australian 26 year old, exploring faith and my sexuality. I have a bachelor of ministry and am doing further theological study. I am questioning my sexuality. I’m reconciling my faith and my sexuality. Few people know what’s going on for me but it’s becoming a badly kept secret.

[questioningchristianqueer]

Hi! I know exactly how you're feeling and I've felt the same way before (Feeling like people wouldn't like the "gay" side of me) and wanted to drop by and say it gets so much better. I've found christian friends who support me and I've become comfortable in my own skin.

Thanks for dropping by. Yes. I feel like I now am starting to love myself and be comfortable.

[questioningchristianqueer]

Why am I so scared of being myself?

Why am I so worried about people knowing I’m queer?

Why am I so sad?

Who even am I?

Do I have to do this thing anymore? The thing being wrestling with myself for a shread of self worth.

[questioningchristianqueer]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

I’m not sure why anyone thinks it’s okay to ask about private matters.

So I won’t justify the question with an answer.

[questioningchristianqueer]

My bestie has a partner and I’m beyond frustrated.

I loved you and you said you couldn’t love me back.

You said you still wanna be friends but then you just don’t rock up or cancel on me citing mental health. I see your pictures of your adventures with your girlfriend. I am beginning to understand my place.

I read your tumblr where you say you haven’t ever experienced love or the same intellectual level with a partner. I don’t know if I should be offended. I thought when we made out, we were on the same page.

I want to abandon you. But I still love you. And I also don’t want to be seen as leaving you because of your trauma and mental health.

I just don’t wanna be treated like shit anymore...

I don’t know what to do.. maybe when you read this, you could just tell me what you want from me?!

[questioningchristianqueer]

Tell me again why I should even try?

So I met this girl on tinder. We talk. She’s a babe. Eventually we decide to meet up and make plans for a week later. The evening before we meet, she messaged and said her car had broken down. We reschedule for the following week. We keep talking, flirting, chatting and getting to know one another. We have exchanged phone numbers

Then she stops relying suddenly. Just no reply.

It’s been 5 days. Nothing. Not even a reply to me confirming the date this week.

Have I been stood up?

Will anyone show up come Thursday for our date?

What should I do?

[awkward-scarfy-boi-deactivated2]

Hey you!!

Yes you!!

Stop making self deprecating jokes!

Why?

Cause that's my friend you're hurting!!

[anxietyproblem]

[questioningchristianqueer]

I’ve been on tumblr for a year now. I started this page to be able to question and reflect on my faith and sexuality. I think I thought it would be easier than it has been. I thought I’d have figured it out after a few weeks. I thought when I started the account I was basically okay. Turns out I have so far to go to be ready to accept myself and reconcile my faith and sexuality. Onwards to tomorrow I guess. Thankful for the community that has reached out here.

[h-f-k-deactivated20230406]

[questioningchristianqueer]

So tired but can’t sleep.

Rain. Wind. Stress. Fear. Alone.

[questioningchristianqueer]

Hey friend! Stay strong! God made you to go on this beautiful journey of discovering who you are and he loves you despite and because of your queerness!

Thanks for your encouragement. Just feeling a bit lost at the moment.

[questioningchristianqueer]

I kinda wish I wasn’t....

I kinda wish I wasn’t queer.

I wish my faith didn’t seem to come up against my sexuality.

I wish I could be in ministry without my sexuality mattering.

I wish I didn’t feel so broken and shameful.

I wish I wasn’t so alone.

I wish I didn’t come out. And get into ministry. And passionately hold faith.

[questioningchristianqueer]

Moved cities

Sorry I haven’t been present I moved states. New job, new life.

I came out to my family before I left home. It was a challenging time.

[questioningchristianqueer]

UCA will continue with SSM

In case the memo was missed. There was an attempt to stop SSM within the church. But it had to be invoked within 6months and not enough presbyteries successfully voted to put a pause on it.

I’m so proud of my church. Thanks for wrestling with difficult decisions and not changing their mind even when faced with opposition.

[closet-keys]

honestly when I was isolated and closeted and straight people would talk so negatively about gay people who “made it their whole personality” or whatever, it’d make me so anxious and sad. It was always presented like there were

The Good Gays, who were Just Like Everyone Else, and liked straight things, looked Just Like Everyone Else, and didn’t talk about being gay, and definitely didn’t ‘shove it in anyone’s face’ or let it ‘define them.’ 

and then there were

The Bad Gays, who, from what I could tell, were flamboyant gay men and butch lesbians (f*gs and d*kes), proudly out gay people, gay people who liked rainbows and gay culture, politically active gay people, gay people who talked about being gay all the time, gay people with lisps, gay people who are angry, gay people who don’t “pass” as straight, gay people who love being gay and being around other gay people

And I spent so much time early on internally scolding myself. I thought it was wrong to think & talk about being gay 24/7 and enjoy gay culture and feel safest in LGBT spaces. I would always feel guilty and embarrassed every time I brought up anything gay. I thought maybe after a while I’d ‘get it out of my system’ or something and not feel the need for it to ‘define me’ anymore, but it never went away, that intense connection and joy from LGBT spaces and culture. 

But now, look: I have this blog where I can just share every gay thought I have with y’all day after day and no one’s annoyed with me for it. In fact, it’s something that’s appreciated! And I can follow a hundred other blogs by folks doing the same. 

I am The Bad Gay and I love Bad Gays. I’m so relieved to have found you all.

[questioningchristianqueer]

This good gay and bad gay thing makes so much sense to me.

[queerchristianaffirmations]

Christ’s love for queer people doesn’t stop at the ones who are “just like everyone else”

Christ still loves you if

-you have more than one queer identity -you’re still figuring yourself out, maybe have been for a long time -don’t want to marry -don’t pass -have mental illness -feel uncomfortable around non-queer people -anything else, God loves you no matter what

[baileywilson013]

Maybe misusing the name of God isn’t so much about saying the shallow words, “Oh my God,” as it is about using the name of God to justify discrimination, oppression, injustice, racism, slavery, xenophobia, poverty, sexism, islamophobia, ableism, homophobia, war, & the list can go on. 

[questions-within-questions]

Amen

[gaslightgallows]

When I was a wee little Gaslight attending Catholic Sunday schools, and then later in college when I was taking a Bible as Literature class, both my stolid neighborhood deacon and my dapper Protestant professor said almost the exact same thing:

“Taking the Lord’s name in vain isn’t when someone says ‘God damn it.’ It’s when a mortal, fallible human being presumes to put words in God’s mouth and say ‘This is what God wants you to do.’“