@quetiapinequeen1 - Tumblr Blog

solitairians

happy first Bella From Twilight Depression Month

solitairians

happy second Bella From Twilight Depression Month

solitairians

happy last Bella From Twilight Depression Month

I’ve been gone a while in recovery, but we’re back bitches because I’m miserable. I’m a fat cow. I can’t look in the mirror and I’m about to kms if I don’t get my old body back (and more)

CW: 160.3

HW: 162.0

LW: 112

GW1: 135

GW2: 115

UGW: 105

stargiirl27

toxic mothers are wild they'll really be like "I never said that" like ma'am yes you did cause it's been ingrained in my head since I was twelve

nothus-ex-lnferno-deactivated20

"imagine spending time with your mutuals and living together in a big house" you mean a psych ward?

ghxstwhore

i dont want to be skinny, i want to be sick. i want people to look at me and tell me to eat a burger. i want people to be relieved when i eat something.

borderlinebastard

I hated being 15 but I kinda wish I could be that age again you feel

kneehighsokcs

sometimes i’m such a jealous and evil girl

A lot of emotions, read if you like (tw: ed (as per usual))

This is a terrible thing to say but I don’t like that every girl I know has an eating disorder now because now I don’t know what made me any more fucked up and I always defined myself back in the 2014 tumblr era as being the bipolar anorexic trainwreck when my friends weren’t that. Now every girl I know has an eating disorder and though they look different, I never shared a tiktok on my calorie restricting disguised as healthy eating, or focused so much on spending time in the gym to be “healthier.”

EDs are about control. I learned that in the hospital. They’re often a trauma response to your environment and act as a way for you to try and gain control over yourself and your environment.

My thoughts again: EDs how I know them are disgusting and ugly and often secret, as if you don’t want to share your tricks because then they’d beat you in your made up contest of who’s actually crazier. EDs today are even more damaging because of how people disguise them as health and fall down that rabbit hole that way, and continue to share those lifestyles without admitting that they’re dangerous.

This is my fucked up mind again trying to, like, gatekeep mental illness for the “real” crazy people WHICH I KNOW IS SO TERRIBLE AND I PROMISE ALL OF YOU ARE SO VALID IN YOUR FEELINGS THIS IS JUST MY RANT PLEASE DONT TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY.

EDs seem easier to have now, especially on tiktok, a lot of orthorexia. I had to work to get this fucked up, and I’m not even special anymore. My entire mind went off the rails. I ruined my body as a cry for help, as a way to tell the world maybe I couldn’t be saved, maybe even as a way just to ruin it for good. That’s worth nothing now.

Modern ed culture makes me so angry with this orthorexic bullshit where they won’t even admit it (I can’t believe I’m acting like one “era” of ed is better than another, that’s not the case, that was just the era where people were at least upfront about it and it wasn’t so widely spread as health stuff) maybe I’m saying it wrong but it’s late and I wish it was 2014 because being mentally ill then was better than being mentally ill is now

quetiapinequeen1

Is it possible to have a good relationship with food or will I be like this forever

quetiapinequeen1

Update, impossible

Is it possible to have a good relationship with food or will I be like this forever

mauriacs

what to do when your entire self worth is defined by your academic success and yet you can’t find it in yourself to do any work

binge-on-the-memes

trying to calculate calories in home made food like

My favourite Starbucks drinks (Canada)

I do NOT condone eating disorders, but if you get that craving or if your family or friends pull up unexpectedly, I’d love for you to be able to get something too.

These drinks are all talls, and I don’t really include almond milk in most of them because I can’t stand the taste.

These calories are all AFTER the substitutions I’ve directed under the drinks, and the counts are all from the Starbucks Canada website, not the app. If I’ve got anything wrong please let me know and I’ll update it!

Doubleshot on ice (70 cals)

Sub for nonfat milk (coconut milk will give you the same cals at nonfat for any drink)

London fog (50 cals)

Sub for nonfat milk

Sub regular vanilla for sugar free vanilla (there’s 3 pumps in this drink. Each pump in any drink is 20 cals but sugar free is 0)

Vanilla sweet cream cold brew (90 cal)

I don’t order this drink often so I get it as is, but there’s 3 pumps of vanilla in it. So if my math is correct, subbing that for SF vanilla will make it 30 cals

NOTE: plain cold brew is 3 cals if you like iced coffee black

Iced matcha latte (60 cals)

Sub for nonfat milk (coconut is same)

Sub for sugar free vanilla (theres 3 pumps in a tall)

Cappuccino (60 cals)

Sub for nonfat milk (coconut is same)

This is my most ordered drink. It’s my go-to breakfast/lunch on campus during the school year along with the egg white red pepper egg bites which are 170 cals, so I get a decently filling meal of 230 cals which actually tastes good.

Oat milk latte (130 cals)

Oat milk has the most calories out of any dairy or dairy replacement, but I really like the taste, so sometimes if I’m feeling particularly sluggish before classes I’ll grab one of these because it’s got a little more energy in it

Light espresso Frappuccino (80 cals)

Light just subs it with nonfat milk I believe, not sure though

Sometimes I add a pump of sugar free vanilla

Iced black tea lemonade (90 cals)

Such a good summer drink and this is exactly how it comes

Better if you ask for light ice on colder drinks, then you get more of the drink

Iced black tea/iced green tea (60 cals)

I absolutely adore both these drinks. It’s just the tea and some sweetener, no lemonade, and this is exactly how it comes

Iced caramel macchiato (100 cals)

In my opinion, a caramel macchiato is THE year round Starbucks treat drink.

Sub for nonfat milk

Sub vanilla syrup for sugar free vanilla

I add an espresso shot which brings it to 105

If you cut the caramel drizzle you get 85 cals (but that’s kinda the best part)

Peppermint mocha (310 cals)

This is my favourite drink of all time. My holiday season splurge. I literally cannot control myself when it’s peppermint mocha season. Everyone should be able to enjoy a peppermint mocha

Sometimes I’ll get half sweet no whip and it’s 188

Half sweet with whip and it’s 258

Get it without whip and full sweet and it’s 240 (taking whip cream off any tall hot drink takes away 60 cals and 80 on a cold tall drink)

With almond milk and no whip it’s 220

Almond milk half sweet no whip gets you to 168