Stiles thought his dad finding out about Werewolves would be the end of the world. But it turns out nothing can ruin the high of pulverizing a geriatricâs testicles.
âWerewolves,â Dad says for the millionth time.
âYeah, Dad, Werewolves, like the two traumatized teens in the backseat with you. So, you wanna maybe turn down the whole âtheyâre freaksâ vibe?â
âI never said they were freaks!â Dad turns to look at Erica and Boyd, both visibly in shock from the, you know, torture shocking. He repeats in his combination of Parent-Sheriff voice, âYou two are not freaks.â
Lydia twists in the front passenger seat, because Lydia gets shotgun over everyone, including Dad. âMy dead ex-boyfriend is coming back to life. Get it together.â
Stiles glances at the rear view mirror, grinning at the meek expression on Dadâs face.Â
When Stiles busts through the warehouseâs wall and hits lizard-Jackson, he screams and continues running Jackson over until he stops getting back up.
Lydia digs her fingernails into the top of Stilesâ hand, stopping him from shifting gear into reverse. She gives him her patented death glare before unbuckling and opening the car door. Stiles hesitates to follow.
From the backseat, Dad dryly says, âIâm starting to think you have anger issues.â
Stiles, ignoring Scottâs Sheriff?! screech, says, âRipping off a dudeâs balls and running over Jackson? This is the best day of my life.â
âYou ripped off someoneâs balls?â
Dad gets out of the car. âNo,â he tells the three Werewolves standing uselessly in the warehouse. âHe didnât rip them off.â
Stiles quickly untangles himself from his seat buckle and nearly faceplants into cement. âYeah, I just pulverized them. Best fucking night of my life!â
âLanguage,â Dad chides.
âNow is not the time, Stiles,â Lydia says, hunched over Jacksonâs crumpled body.
âUh, now is exactly the right time, Lyds. Iâm fucking Batman tonight. I saved, like, all your lives,â Stiles says, gesturing to Jacksonâs gnarly lizard form. âI saved your life,â he points at Scott, âyour life,â he points at Isaac, âyour life,â he points at Derek, âand their lives.â He waves his arm to Erica and Boyd in the back of the car.
Scott, Isaac, and Derek stand in the back of the warehouse, all wolfed out and speechless. Derek composes himself first, asking about his Betas. Previous Betas? If the way they tried running away while Stiles forced them into the car, Stiles is pretty sure the two submitted their resignation letter to Derekâs pack.
âYeah, theyâre in shock, like, psychologically. But they were in actual shock because Gerard kidnapped and had them strung up with electric wires. It was super fucked up,â Stiles says. âI got them down after I pulverized Gerardâs nutsâoh, yeah, so he kidnapped me. It was actually really funny, Chris came down the stairs like,â Stiles drops his voice and growls, âwhat are you doing?!âÂ
Stiles stops imitating Chris in favor of kicking the air. He returns to his normal voice. âAnd I was like, âkicking your psycho dadâs testicles, what does it look like Iâm doing?ââÂ
Stiles gives the air a few more kicks for full affect in his reenactment. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jackson stirring.Â
âLong story short,â Stiles says, âChris took Gerard to the hospital, I hot-wired one of their cars, forced Erica and Boyd to come home with me, Dad was in the driveway and saw them all wolfed out in this stolen car plus the hospital called the station about an attack on an old person, so I had to be like uh, werewolves?Â
âAnd then Lydiaâs suddenly there and shoving us back into the car to come save the resurrected dickhead. She really, really wants to give a key to him. Which, like, okay, I guess? But then I was thinking how Kanimas can overcome their lizardy-ness by resolving past issues, blah, blah.Â
âSo now the key is The Key of Love and sheâs going to give him this whole speech about how heâs not alone and she still cares for him even though heâs a murdery lizard, you know that unconditional shitââ
âOh my god, will someone please shut him the fuck up?â Jackson says. Heâs standing up, 100% naked, and has Werewolf mutton chops and no eyebrows. Other than a tail, all hints of the Kanima are gone.Â
âTa-da,â Stiles says, doing jazz hands. âPokemon evolution.â
âYouâre welcome,â Stiles tells everyone.
âYou ran me over,â Jackson says.
âI also murdered Gerardâs balls,â Stiles cheerfully reminds them.
Of course, Stiles doesnât get to keep his limelight. No, the world doesnât love him that much.
Because right at that moment, as Stiles is on the highest of highs, someone starts a slow clap. Scott, Isaac, and Derek are still frozen, though their faces are twisting in matching grimaces.
âVery nice,â Peter fucking Hale says, coming out of the shadows.
âOh, Stiles,â Lydia says, voice sugary sweet. âDid I forget to mention heâs back?â