Quick Snickering Limericks

Dirty Little Rhymes for Dirty Modern Times

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Brilliant Bits {by request}

Some girls are so wonderfully smart But still tease all the boys like a tart Their writing amazes With lecherous phrases That renders their bosoms pure art

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Conservation {by request}

“Recycle!” they said. “Save the trees!” It’s a bit hard to deliver decrees But if you have wits Paired with lipstick and tits You can scribble as much as you please

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IQ 4 U {by request}

There once was a lady so brainy She got off on some odd miscellany So when she got bored— It was often untoward— And the outcome incredibly zany

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So Silly

Historical musings with Billy May be tumbled about willy-nilly But if I listen intently I've found, incidentally His depth has the power to thrill me {affectionately dedicated to @dontcookbilly}

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Drones {by request}

There once were some indecent drones who preferred quite provocative zones They zoomed in and out and rustled about all the while eliciting moans!

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Doritos {by request}

Doritos—muy loco—so cheesy The chips that make snacking so easy Try one! Such a crunch And you'll soon eat a bunch But slow down or else soon you'll be queasy

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Bourbon {by request}

Though at first it may seem a bit risky To beguile a poor gal with some whiskey Pour a stiff shot of bourbon With a slick hand so urban And next thing you know she'll get frisky!

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Tall {by request}

There once was a fella so tall Who dated a short, chubby moll So when they had fun He knew how it was done And tossed her about like a doll

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Cap'n Likes 'em Crazy {by request}

O Frizzo! O Captain! my captain! I’m perplexed by your filthy reaction Though I may seem quite cute If you are astute You will notice insanity trapped in

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Switch {by request}

There once were some struggling witches Whose spell-casting faced a few glitches All their toil was trouble With no sign of a bubble So they traded their brooms for new niches

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On Lust and Indifference

The less he cares, the more I crave him. Unanswered text. Heart racing with desire— Oh, won't you offer me a fleeting kindness?! For just a minute. For just a while.

And so he wants me. I've whet his palate with lustful musings he didn't want. And now he wants me, for I am goddess and sunshine and fucking ray of light.

But did I crave him? For all his caring, or for his callous, or for his mind? Or did I want him because he didn't want me? And because when he wants me I feel alive.

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Yer Out

There once was a terrible dry spell When date-planning just didn’t go too well— Three dates in a row, Different guys, all no-show— With the ‘Net, it’s so easy to cancel

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With Difficulty {by request}

You're a gent who is getting some action And who's keen on your gal's satisfaction You've tried lube and good diction Time to amp up the friction And apply a vibrating contraption

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Too Tired To {by request}

There once was a fella so tired He couldn't get what he desired Though he wanted release He lacked elbow grease Fell asleep and so nothin' transpired Some nights there's an awful conundrum... Where you'd want nothing more than a good cum It'd feel good to stroke Give the snake a good choke ...But there's exhaustion you can't quite escape from

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Premarital Appeasement {by request}

There once was a friendly officiant Whose service was somewhat deficient So he sought something new To preface "I do" And the outcome was somewhat sufficient So you believe you would like to get married? And your decision was careful, not harried? I have got just the thing If you've got the ring Deluxe Nuptials!—lovely and varied There once was an elegant wedding The bride's gown glowed of beading and threading But when the service went long— On and on and then on— The excitement soon gave way to dreading You could tell your sweet bride your affections With dulcet and dreamy confections But when writing your vows Think doves carrying boughs And try not to mention erections

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Chronic Anxiety

Anxiety quakes with a crackle Hurling thoughts that are daunting to tackle Heartbeat tempo is rapid Resolutions are vapid As you're chained to your fears by a shackle

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Insomnia {by request}

Once when a man couldn't get sleepin' He thought of those crawlies a-creepin' But then, even worse His thoughts went perverse And soon his tight boxers were seepin'