Mike Driver
roma★
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RMH
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Product Placement
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
will byers stan first human second
art blog(derogatory)
almost home
@theartofmadeline
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Three Goblin Art
if i look back, i am lost
macklin celebrini has autism
noise dept.
#extradirty
ellievsbear
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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seen from United Kingdom
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@quickspoilers-blog
Video Games: The Movie
According to this movie, video games are the best thing ever. They are the greatest combination of all art forms, extremely immersive, not at all too violent, educational, great for children, they do not display women in an extremely over sexualized form, and the best thing ever! etc. The end.
Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief
It’s a documentary. A bunch of main guys left Scientology. Turns out it’s a really awful religion (we all knew that). If you don’t know anything about Scientology this is a good start. Basically L. Ron Hubbard wants to start a church to make money and does. LRH is really terrible to everyone, but someone people still believe him. After LRH dies, another guy takes over who is also awful. The church harasses the IRS and their employees until they are designated a religion. There’s a really hilarious music video about Scientology that the Church made somewhere in there. The end.
We Need To Talk About Kevin
A couple has a child, Kevin. The baby cries all the time for the mother, but not for the father. The movie flashes forward and back constantly. In the future scenes, everyone hates the mother. In the past, Kevin is a real piece of trash to the mother. The father doesn’t seem to believe that Kevin is terrible, but he obviously is. They have another child for some reason: a daughter that seems great. After way too much time in the movie, they finally reveal that Kevin locked a bunch of kids in the school with bike locks and murdered a bunch of kids with a bow and arrow. He is arrested smirking. The mother returns home to find her husband and daughter murdered by Kevin. Somehow there is still another 15 minutes of the movie after this point. The mother visits Kevin in juvenile hall after he’s been in for 2 years. Kevin is about to turn 18 and go to a real prison. Kevin is scared (who cares?). The mother asks him why, he doesn’t know why he did it. No idea why everyone hates the mother or why she stayed in the same town. The end.
300: Rise of an Empire
Greece is at war with Iran (I guess, they keep calling them the Persians). I think this movie is happening concurrently with the first 300 movie. Next of a bunch of guys in their underwear and capes get on ships and fight the Persians. They win 2 battles (and kill a bunch of slaves in the process... nice work, assheads), then lose a 3rd battle... then win a 4th battle with the help of the Spartans. And, I guess, the Greek empire is born? The end, thankfully (this movie sucked).
Maze Runner
A kid, Thomas, wakes up in an elevator without remembering anything. He meets a bunch of other male kids, who are trapped in an area surrounded by walls that is revealed to be a maze. They don’t know why they are there either. They have a society that’s pretty socialist.
Thomas goes in the maze to help "the leader” (he’s stung by a monster and dying) even though he’s not supposed to. He kills a monster that no one has ever seen without dying before and they get some device off its corpse. Thomas is dubbed a maze runner now.
A girl shows up who knows Thomas with note that says she’s the last one. Now the maze is changing different than ever before and they find a new area (or something) that the device allowed them to enter. They get scanned and an alarm goes off that makes stuff start locking down. They escape and “the leader” wakes up, who remembers everything now. They all get attacked by monsters from the maze at their village for the first time and the leader dies before they can find out what happens.
The one kid who is obviously the villain takes over and loses it. Rallies some of the others to kill Thomas and his friends, but Thomas and his friends win and escape the maze. They find out it was an experiment to find a cure to a disease I guess (what?) and that the earth has been scorched by the sun. There are more trials (The Scorch Trials, obviously.)
That evil kid shows up with a gun. The wimpy kid that everyone figured was going to die, sacrifices himself to save Thomas. The evil kid gets a spear thrown in him. Some military guys show up and helicopter them somewhere. The end.
Ant-Man
1970s/80s:
Hank Pym invents/discovers the Pym particle and works for the military/SHIELD. They are trying to duplicate it, and it’s revealed that they want to use it for war. Hank quits.
Present day:
Scott Lang is in prison and is just getting out. He stole stuff from rich people to prove a point I guess? Or so people are saying. He wants to avoid crime to stay with his daughter. He can’t keep a job though. He agrees to do a robbery with his friends/roommates.
Hank Pym goes to his own company to see his protegee, Darren Cross, has developed something like the Ant-Man suit. It’s called Yellowjacket. Hank’s daughter, Hope, reveals it doesn’t work... yet. They are working together to stop Cross, because he’s evil. They say something about the Pym particles making you go insane with no further explanation (I assume this will come up in a later Marvel movie).
Scott is robbing Hank’s house. There is a super complicated safe but Scott gets in but it’s just this weird suit (Ant-Man’s suit). Scott tries it on at home and accidentally shrinks himself. Hank talks to him through ants with speakers on them. Scott freaks out and tries to return the suit. He gets arrested. Hank brings him the Ant-Man suit with the help of ants and helps him escape.
Training montage. Hank and Hope resolve issues and reveal that Hank’s wife/Hope’s mom was also a superhero called The Wasp, but died saving the US from a nuclear missile by disabling her shrinking regulator to “shrink between the particles.” They devise a plan to steal the Yellowjacket suit.
They plant bombs but get caught trying to steal the suit. Cross thinks he won, so he leaves in a helicopter. The team escapes and the place blows. Cross loses it and puts on the Yellowjacket suit. There is a massive battle that eventually leads to Scott’s daughter’s room somehow. Scott “shrinks between the particles” to destroy Yellowjacket, but keeps shrinking into almost nothingness. He hears his daughter calling him though and uses some expanding bomb thing in his regulator to grow back to normal size. The end.
Post credit sequence:
Hank gives Hope the newest version of The Wasp suit.
Ex Machina
A guy, Caleb, wins a contest to help his boss, Nathan, on a secret project. Nathan is super rich and smart. The company is basically Google. Nathan is trying to make a robot with a realistic AI. Caleb is the human component in the Turing Test (or Voight-Kampff as referred to in Blade Runner). Caleb thinks the robot, Ava, loves him. He also falls in love with her. After Nathan gets blind drunk one night, Caleb snoops around and finds out a bunch of evil secrets about Nathan (he kills robots, has a robot sex slave, and hacked into everyone's phones and other stuff. Basically an allegory on the government stealing our private info or something.). So Caleb wants to help Ava escape. He reveals his plan to Ava in privacy but Nathan hears and tells him that it was a trick. Ava is programmed to trick Caleb and escape. Caleb reveals that his reveal was fake and he already had executed the plan. Ava is out of her room talking to the sex robot and together they fight Nathan. Sex Robot and Nathan both die. Ava puts on fake skin and clothes to look human and escapes while locking Caleb in a room to die I guess. The End.
Jack Reacher
A military sniper, Barr, is framed from going crazy and killing a bunch of civilians. He asks for Jack Reacher. Reacher shows up and Barr is in a coma. Barr's attorney shows up. It's the head of the DA's daughter. She hires Reacher. He does some investigation and finds that he was framed. He stars getting in fights with people who try to stop him. Now Reacher is framed for killing a girl. Reacher finds out they had a specific target and only 1 of the people shot mattered, the rest decoys. Something about a construction company. He finds out who did it. They capture the lawyer and go to quarry. Reacher goes after them, kills them all, saves her, and leaves. Barr wakes up and has amnesia. He thinks he did it. The lawyer knows he didn't and she is going to get him off on a technicality since there is no evidence. The end.
Wreck It Ralph
Wreck It Ralph is an unappreciated bad guy in his game. All the other characters laugh at him and say if he wins a medal like Fix It Felix Jr (the star of his game) they will respect him. So he runs off to Hero's Duty to win a medal. He cheats, but he gets it. He also brings a bug egg into another game (Candy Racers maybe?) by accident.
He meets a girl who is referred to as a glitch, because her code is messed up. She steals Ralph's medal to use it as a coin so she could enter the Candy Race. She does so successfully, but Ralph is mad. She promises to give it back once she wins. After she gets tormented by the other racers, Ralph decides to help her cause he knows how she feels. They build a race car. Then the Candy King shows up and convinces Ralph that if the girl wins the race, she will die and ruin the game for everyone. The king also gives Ralph his medal back. So he smashes the car and the girl hates him.
Felix and the leader from Hero's Duty show up to get the bug egg. If the bug hatches and repopulates it will destroy the entire game. Felix gets captured by the Candy King, so does the racer girl.
Ralph heads back to his game and everyone is gone because it's out of order due to Ralph not being in the game during the day. He notices that the racing girl is on the side of the game for Candy Racers. He goes back to Candy Racer. He frees Felix, who fixes the racer car, and the racer girl. She shows up the race. It's down to the Candy King and her. Just as they juxtaposing for 1st, it is revealed that the king is Turbo (a racer from another game who went crazy after his game became unpopular and got unplugged). Also the bug eggs hatch and all hell breaks loose. Nearly everything is destroyed including the finish line. Ralph puts a bunch of Mentos in Diet Coke and kills all the bugs. Felix rebuilds the finish line. The girl crosses it and the game resets. She's the princess of the racing game and everyone remembers. Felix and the female Hero's Duty leader get married. Ralph is appreciated by his game. The End.
G.I. Joe: Relatiation
The Joes are called in by the US President to recover some nukes in Pakistan. They do. Just as they are waited to be extracted, it is revealed that the president is being impersonated by a Cobra guy. They get attacked and only 3 survive. They blame everything on the Joes. They make their way back to the US and set up in an rec centre after calling in some favours.
We see Snake Eyes getting put into the weird prison Cobra Commander and Destro are in. It is revealed the Snake Eyes is really the Cobra Ninja in disguise. He then does ninja stuff and frees Cobra Commander and for whatever reason they leave Destro.
The Joes contact the real Snake Eyes, he's at his ninja lair with a new ninja, Jinx. She's the Cobra ninja's sister or something. They go after the Cobra Ninja and catch him. They make up as it turns out Cobra has backstabbed the Cobra Ninja. They team up and head to the US and all meet up in the rec centre. They go see Bruce Willis, who is the original Joe. They make a plan to attack the fake president and free the real one.
The fake president calls a meeting with all the world leaders that have nukes to disarm. They don't agree, so the Fake Pres shoots all his nukes and the other countries follow suit. He then destroys all his nukes as they are in the air the other countries again follow suit. The world is in full nuclear disarmament, but the fake pres has a bunch of satellites that shoot nukes and he shoots London. They are waiting for the other satellites to line up. The Joes attack and stop the other satellites, blowing them up. They free the real president and all get medals. The End.
The Lego Movie
Lord Business steals a special item from the Vitruvius that supposed to be the only thing that can stop him. Vitruvius states a prophecy that a master builder will stop him. There's some exposition explaining that Lord Business and President Business are the same person. President Business runs the Lego world. It is revealed that Lord/President Business wants to glue everything together on Taco Tuesday to make the world "perfect."
Flash forward, WyldStyle is looking for this item. But Emmett a regular Lego guy finds it and he has a vision of The Man Upstairs. He wakes up with WyldStyle and Vitruvius. They inform him of the prophecy, but he's unsure. Vitruvius believes in him anyway. He is brought to a meeting of master builders and they find out he's not a master builder and are disappointed. As they all go to leave, Lord Business attacks. Lots of master get captured, but Emmett does some dumb things that help them escape. They make a submarine and Emmett makes a double decker couch. They all think the couch is dumb but it ends up saving them some how. They now have faith in him.
Emmett comes up with a plan to work as a team and build simple things rather than things related to Spaceman or Unikitty or Batman, so they can enter Lord/President Business's tower undetected. It works. They almost put the special item, which turns out to be a cap for Krazy Glue, on to the open tube of glue. They are almost successful but get captured. Emmett sacrifices himself to save all the master builders by jumping with the battery that powers prison into the abyss.
Now we're in the real world as The Man Upstairs (the dad) comes home. It was a small child playing with his Lego in his dad's Lego city the whole time. His dad is upset, there are "do not touch" signs every where. The dad goes to put everything back in order. He grabs some Krazy Glue. It's clear Lord/President Business are him. The dad realizes this. Then he starts looking around at all the creative stuff his son had been building, and realizes he's hard on his son. The son starts explaining to him what he was doing. It flashes back and forth between real life and Emmett talking to Lord/President Business. The dad allows his son to play with his Lego. The end.
Grindhouse: Death Proof
A bunch of women talk about a whole bunch of pointless stuff unrelated to the story. A stunt driver shows up and gives 1 of them a ride and kills her. He chases the other ones down and kills them by running them off the road.
A new bunch of women are actresses or something. Again a bunch of pointless banter. The one wants to ride on the hood of a specific car at high speed for some reason. They do that. During that the same guy shows up and tries to kill them but fails. He gets shot in the arm and tries to run. They catch up to him and kill him. The end.
Godzilla (2014)
Hiroshima 1944, we see a Japanese guy playing with a pocket watch in a helicopter. Next we see a nuclear bomb set off at sea. They are trying to kill Godzilla.
1980s/90s Japan, some miners are digging and find a giant skeleton and what appears to be two giant eggs or cocoons. One has already hatched. Bryan Cranston is in Japan on the phone with someone at a nuclear power plant. He thinks something is wrong and wants the plant shutdown potentially. Turns out him and his wife both work there. Also his son tries to surprise him since it's Cranston's bday, but he doesn't notice. They go to the plant. The wife goes down below to the reactor maybe while Cranston talks to the people in the control room about shutting down the plant. Something goes wrong and the place blows up and Cranton's wife dies. We see their son looking at the crumbling plant from his school's window in awe.
Present day San Francisco, the son gets home from overseas duty (he's in the army, defuses bombs). He's an adult now with a family. He gets a call that his dad has been arrested in Japan. He goes there and picks him up from prison. Turns out Cranston thinks that the plant didn't meltdown, but it was something else. Cranston and his son go back to where the meltdown was to get some files from their old house. They get them and it turns out there is no radiation and that's weird. They get arrested again, but brought to the old plant site where it seems something is going on. There's a giant cocoon there they are studying and a similar thing starts happening at the plant meltdown. The cocoon hatches while Cranston is getting interrogated. All hell breaks loose as a giant monster starts destroying everything and Cranston gets mortally injured and dies.
The son is now being questioned by this Japanese scientist. Turns out these monsters thrive on radiation. Hence no radiation and why the plant got destroyed initially. They ask if Cranston had any leads, he tells them about echolocation which I guess the monsters use to find each other or radiation or something? Anyway, there are two monsters: 1 winged (male) and 1 wingless that just hatched (female). I guess they need radiation to lay eggs. At some point the Japanese scientist reveals the pocket watch and that his grandfather was in Hiroshima when they originally tried to kill Godzilla.
Godzilla shows up. The military think he's a bad guy and follow him. The scientist thinks he's the ultimate apex predator going after these weird monsters. The military has this plan to draw the monsters with a multi-megaton warhead off the coast of San Fran (for some reason). So all the monsters go there and we see the winged monster steal the warhead and give it to female monster (they kind of kiss, it's weird). She lays her eggs in a hole in the ground. Godzilla shows up and starts fighting the monsters shortly after this. They are teaming up and sort of winning.
The son decides to help the military defuse the warhead after the monsters steal it because now it's in downtown San Fran. They find it in the monster nest, but can't defuse it so take it to a ship and plan to boat it as far out to sea as possible. There's an oil tanker in the monster's nest and they use it to blow up the eggs as they are leaving. The explosion draws the monsters away from the fight, giving Godzilla the opportunity to kill the winged one.
They all get to the boat with the warhead, but remaining female monster shows up and kills everyone but the son. He is about to get killed next but Godzilla shows up and kills that monster. He then boats off with the warhead and prepares to die from his injuries and the explosion, when a helicopter saves him and he is reunited with his family. We see Godzilla collapsed in San Fran and he appears dead from wounds he took in the fight. But he gets up and returns to the ocean and everyone cheers for him. The end.
Neighbors
A family (Seth Rogan, an Aussie woman, and a baby) get new neighbours. It's a frat. Seth Rogan and the Aussie are struggling with getting older and still want to be young. So they don't want to bother this frat too much because they don't want to be uncool.
First night, the frat is partying and they go over and ask them to keep it down. They instead invite them in and they party. The frat takes a bunch of photos of Seth Rogan and the Aussie partying with them. So the next night when they call the cops the frat shows the pictures to the officer. So the cop leaves. The frat now hates them and has huge parties with no repercussions.
What about the rest of the neighbourhood you ask? The frat does 1 day of community service around the neighbourhood and I guess that's enough to appease everyone from being super shitty 99.9% of the time.
Seth Rogan and the Aussie try to sell their house, but the real estate agent is super bad at her job. They go to the Dean of the university, she's super bad at her job. So neither of those plans work.
They do a bunch of other dumb stuff to get each other: flood the frat's basement, trim hedges weird (what?), send in a spy with camera glasses to try to get them to haze him, I don't remember what else.
Eventually the frat gets put on probation with the university for nearly killing an old guy. Then Seth Rogan and the Aussie trick them into thinking they are off probation with a letter from the university. The frat has a huge party and gets kicked out. This should be the end but more stuff happens where eventually Seth Rogan and the frat president make up. The end.
Draft Day
Kevin Costner is the manager of the Cleveland Browns and the Seattle Seahawks are the villain apparently. >:( Costner trades his first pick for the next 3 years for the 1st pick in the draft. All of the staff are mad at him for doing that, but the fans think he is going to pick the highly sought after QB.
Jennifer Garner works for the Browns too and it turns out Costner knocked her up but it's a secret. Costner and his mom don't get along and his father just recently died. Turns out it was heart conditions. Costner's dad use to coach the Browns but Costner fired him to try to reduce stress so he wouldn't die so soon upon his mom's request.
The draft starts and Costner picks a defensive player instead. Everyone is blown away. Now people are worried about this hot QB and no one is taking him because they think the Browns know someone they don't. Costner phones a team (can't remember which but they are picking just before Seattle) just before their pick and trades his 3rd round picks for the next 3 years to them for their 1st round this draft. Costner then phones Seattle and says he wants his 3 first round picks back and a kicker or he'll pick the star QB. Seattle accepts because they are panicking. Costner picks a RB he had in mind the whole time. The staff sees that Costner is a genius and everyone is happy. Sportscasters say that Costner made the greatest moves in draft history.
Costner and his mom make up. Costner reveals to his mom that Garner is preggo and that she will be a grandma. Everyone is happy. The end.
Captain American: The Winter Soldier
Captain American jumps out of a plane with no parachute and saves a Shield ship from pirates wit the help of Navy Seals or something and Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow maybe? That doesn't seem right). Scar Jo steals some files and Cap notices and lectures here, but apparently Nick Fury asked her too. Cap confronts Nick, but Nick can't talk about it. Cap is mad because they don't trust him. Some where in here Cap fights George St. Pierre and wins.
Cap is also sad about the only person his platoon lost in battle who was his best friend. But Cap still goes and visits his best friends wife (or girlfriend) all the time because he's a good guy!
Cap finds out Nick hired the pirates to attack the ship in the beginning because he expected Shield was doing something shady. Nick goes to reveal the details to Cap but Nick gets shot and it appears he is dead. The Winter Soldier killed him. He has a metal arm and wears a mask that only covers his mouth. Cap chases him but he gets away.
It is revealed Hydra has infiltrated Shield and the files stolen from the ship by Scar-Jo reveal the are going to cleanse the Earth of perceived threats. It's honestly a bit too evil even for a comic book movie.
Cap finds out The Winter Soldier is his friend he thought died earlier who has been programmed by Hydra or the Nazis or something. Cap tries to get him to remember who is, but Hydra gives him a needle or a shock or something and he forgets again.
It is revealed Nick is still alive and they have a plan to stop Hydra. Something about putting new computer chips in ships that Shield/Hydra has.
That pilot from the beginning is back for some reason and turns out he has a jet pack and wings. Hydra launches a bunch of ships that Shield has to kill a bunch of people but Cap and the flying going stop them (Falcon maybe?). Cap convinces The Winter Soldier he's a good guy sort of during this. Cap falls real far into a lake and the Winter Soldier saves him then runs away. Scar-Jo and Nick defeat Hydra in the Shield office or headquarters or whatever.
After the battle, Nick asks Cap and Falcon (still doesn't seem right) to go some where in Europe or whatever for a spy mission, they both say no. They decide to go after The Winter Soldier and hopefully convert him back to good. The end.
Drive
Ryan Gosling is a really good getaway driver. In the opening scene he gets away from a bunch of cop cars and a helicopter by parking at a baseball game.
Him and Bryan Cranston work together as mechanics and stuntmen, as well they are trying to get into racing Nascar or something. These two dudes, Bernie and Nino, help them buy a race car.
Gosling and his neighbour, Irene, are in some kind of a relationship, but her husband gets out of jail and it ends. The husband is sort of upset with Gosling cause he knows something went on. However the husband gets caught up with some criminal, Cook, and is forced to do one last job to save his family and Gosling helps him as the driver for the heist.
They try to rob a pawnshop with Christina Hendricks. Hendricks comes out with the money and the husband comes out, but gets shot and dies. There's a car chase. Gosling and Hendricks get away to a hotel room. He thinks she was in on it, because why did she get away? He slaps her and yells at her for information. She admits she was in on it and Cook made her do it. Just then two guys show up with guns. Hendricks dies, Gosling kills the two dudes.
Gosling goes after Cook. Breaks his hand with a hammer and he finds out Nino is the guy who set it up. He phones Nino and tells him he just wants to give back the money and be done with it. Nino threatens him. Gosling then follows Nino in a car and pushes his car off the road onto a beach. He drowns Nino in the ocean.
Gosling goes back to the garage to find Cranston was killed by Bernie. Gosling calls Bernie and gives him the same deal as Nino. Give the money back to be out and Irene and her kid to be safe. Bernie agrees. They meet up to exchange the money. Just as Bernie sees the money he stabs Gosling in the stomach. Gosling stabs Bernie in the neck. Bernie dies. Gosling drives off. The credits roll. Presumably he dies. The end.