Doin' Just Fine

20. Tattoos. Pan.

[theorydictatespractice-deactiva]

My girlfriend just asked me to learn sign language with her so she can tell me how bad she wants to fuck me in front of my parents

[neckkiss]

“Fuck it” – my final thought before making most decisions.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Ants probably think the scariest weather on this planet is shoes

[mszamil-deactivated20220204]

parked car conversations are lowkey therapy sessions

[ruby-white-rabbit]

So i went on a date to a haunted house and made friends with the girls behind us. As we’re going through, one of them is holding my hand and a guy leaps out and separates us. I panic as my date is pulling me along, I reach back for her and grab her hand in a group of three other performers and start getting out if there. After a bit I look back to check on her and I discover I’m holding the hand of a six foot tall zombie creature and not a 5'2" girl.

Cue the most terrifying realization of my life.

I had basically kidnapped this performer from his section and abandoned the girl and her friend behind us.

[ruby-white-rabbit]

Yes, I screamed. My date thought it was Hilarious.

Yes, we found the girls. Turns out when I grabbed the performers hand, he grabbed theirs so our group wouldn’t be separated. So there was just this zombie in the middle of our group line for like fifty feet

[kyuubinu-deactivated20190226]

This is like a Scooby Doo bit I love it

[alwaysmeek]

I either want the highest form of love or nothing. at. fucking. all. I enjoy my own company, so I don’t mind being alone.

[moxis]

job interview: we need HAPPY, MOTIVATED people!!

my depressed ass:

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

lesbians? great

bi girls? amazing

pan girls? stellar

trans girls? awesome

hotel? trivago

[artifuls]

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip -everything men tell you is a lie -store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand -pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones -don’t lie to your doctor -seriously don’t -at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life -you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one) -you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time -people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude -never underestimate the power of new underwear

[girl-rambling]

The second last one though

[respectfulmemes]

[yourlocallesbiian]

Having a girl fall asleep on your chest is the best fucking feeling ever! Idc what anyone else says

[mainstreetliz-deactivated201710]

[pixiedust-paycheck]

I can’t

[sexynakedblackguy]

Your significant other should have a sense of security being with you, knowing that you won’t betray them or mislead them and have their back 24/7. A lot of y'all don’t understand that concept of trust and love.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[oncesingingalways]

Quality. Content.

[buddhabrot]

the only post i care about

[nyliakiam]

@queenterren

[mindy-fit]

[blastingradio]

Now that is some vintage sports goth

[chanel-boots]

This ad is very ominous and threatening.

[niknak79]

[bead-bead-deactivated20190901]

I laughed at this for, like, WAY too long and woke the entire house.

[weavemama]

reblog flying ass giant pants guys for a fortune of good luck and good cash