melancholy and euphoria

https://twitter.com/divya_venn

[quilly-catkin]

listen to this and remember it’s all going to be - not necessarily okay, but beautiful

[quilly-catkin]

Keeping your mind trained on what you actually want is like trying to keep an octopus in a tank.

It's not so great anyway, too risky, I might get hurt, I can always do it another time, I gotta do this first, I’ll start tomorrow.

Rationalization, justification, self-pity, escapism, distractions.

The minute you notice yourself justifying not going after something you know, deep down, that you want.

Nip that shit in the bud.

It’s simultaneously the simplest and most difficult thing to build the life you want. Simple because if you go after it long enough, you'll get it. Complicated because there are so many effing ways our minds slink out of the enormously scary task of confronting of our dreams.

[quilly-catkin]

many who pine for someone don't actually want to be loved back. it's painful, but it's also easy.

unrequited love requires endurance, not effort.

easy to love someone from afar, on a pedestal. easy love someone who needs no work.

when there's no uncertainty or sighing or butterflies when there's trust, and stability, and commitment when their love for you is tangible and real when it reassures rather than excites...

then romance and adventure depend on your own diligence and self-mastery

they will be frustrating and lazy and occasionally stagnant.

you will feel misunderstood, and dismissed, and bored, and restless.

happiness becomes a thing you work towards, that you have to choose. that choice is not easy.

there's a massive virtue stack that goes being consistently, sustainably happy:

self awareness. self control. antifragility. empathy.

being physically healthy. not antsy or bored with stillness. at peace alone inside your head and yet not trapped in it.

diligence, both in your personal habits and with your work. loving attentiveness. a productive internal dialogue.

all of this takes years to learn, and takes quiet, constant effort to maintain. so much easier to pin all your hopes and headspace on an impossible dream.

[callmebliss]

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?

[macleod]

I've seen this passed around a few times, and I have one thing to say:

It's online. The book was carefully and wonderfully recreated online by hand. You can find it here. The entire book is this easy.

calculusmadeeasy.org

[quilly-catkin]

[quilly-catkin]

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A post shared by Scott Thompson (@carrottoplive)

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

– Juansen Dizon

[quilly-catkin]

this is how i feel about writing. writing on an accountable basis, regularly, is actually SO EXACTLY LIKE THIS FEELING

all joy, all frustration, all misery.

Midge understands the love/hate relationship... | The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Love SUCKS, even when it's your profession.Step back into the fabulous world of Midge Maisel and friends - the fifth season of The Marvelous

[quilly-catkin]

The dysfunctions in your relationships are a mirror of your own strengths and weaknesses.

Think about who you’re drawn to and why. Which relationships are simple and mutually joyous? Which ones always seem to end up...complicated?

Because the responsibility (not the blame, no one is to blame) lies with you.

Your behavior filters for certain kinds of people and incentivizes certain interactions.

If you seem to create chaotic and sad patterns in your life despite having the best intentions, it’s almost always because of some deep rooted emotional lack.

And that emotional lack is absolutely affecting other aspects of your life, believe me.

[quilly-catkin]

On Risk

There's no "right" or "wrong" decision. You're just either playing it safe or playing with fire.

When people say someone "did everything right," it usually means they acted with caution. Hedged their bets.

But you can do everything "right" and still lose. People never remember this.

They lose, and question their methods. Resolve to play it even safer next time. They win, they think they're invincible. Life's random. It's all a probability function. People forget that.

[quilly-catkin]

this is strangely pure and beautiful. gentle and devoted

[quilly-catkin]

Hang out with people who are intellectually fearless. Disciplined in thinking, comfortable in chaos. Wouldn’t suggest skinny dipping but they’re game. Understand that we all fall short sometimes which is why you gotta be relentless with yourself. Down to try a cig but the minute they're hankering they go cold turkey. Their highest standards are for themselves. Empathetic but amoral. Loudest laugh in the room. They’re not tubing down the lazy river, they’re taking life by the collar and shaking it.

[quilly-catkin]

You can blame your parents/the world/your exes for messing you up

or you can see that we're all caught up in the same sad whirlpools.

[quilly-catkin]

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

“you're a mess of good intentions gone wrong. you strike a match on yourself to keep others warm, and now the whole goddamn world's on fire. you try to put it out, and you try so hard. the dam breaks, and the waters of your sorrow pour free. you are sorry; so very, very sorry- and you will drown everyone to prove it.”

– m.a.w; the hero who couldn't save anyone

[quilly-catkin]

Coding just hits different first thing in the morning. The keyboard sings under your fingers. Your thoughts simply whir, ideas clicking impeccably together like perfect little gears.

Wake up, out of bed, work.

A bottle of water to guzzle and a cup of matcha to sip on. The gray, fuzzy dawn brightens by degrees outside your window.

[quilly-catkin]

August 2, 2023

Woke up and spent first half of morning catching up on sleep and talking to KL. Then we got sushi (mediocre and bad value, at least for me, I ordered a set and couldn't finish it) and ran errands at the mall. Returned the phillips hue stuff, got charger. I helped take down his blinds and went to my laser appointment. Met AB briefly. It was a pleasant convo neither of us wanted to end. Then came home and made a great pasta + two eggs + smoothie. I didn't work all day so I have work to catch up on now.