Bruce finds out the hard way which of his kids is okay with the 'unadoption' joke threats he makes when they annoy or stress him out. "Why did I adopt you?"..."I still have your adoption certificate. I wonder if the orphanage accepts returns?"..."I knew I should have left you on that street corner where I found you."
Dick fires back with twice as much sass, sometimes rolling his eyes and flipping off Bruce when he gets older.
Young!Jason looks so scared the first time he hears one, and Bruce never jokes about it again. Adult!Jason makes jokes about unadopting himself.
Tim is far too tired to register that it was a joke and gets quiet and avoids Bruce completely for the rest of the week until Bruce realizes what he did wrong and tracks his son down. They talk and Bruce never implies regretting to adopt Tim again.
Cass laughs along with him before pulling out her adoption certificate from her pocket and grinning, scaring him. His kids's adoption paperwork was all stored in a hidden, impenetrable, designed-by-Batman safe. Laughter fades and she just whispers "You'll never be rid of me."
Bruce- Maybe Talia wants you back.
Damian, not even phased- And maybe Alfred would have rather been working for a doctor than a clown-hating, nocturnal, combat furry, but I guess we're both out here disappointing our parents.
It has been a couple of days since your confession and Hobie was conflicted on whether he should rip the preverbal bandaid off and tell you of his secret identity, and possibly putting you at risk for potentially dangerous circumstances in the future, or keep you in the dark for a little while longer until he felt brave enough with himself and his situation to come forward; After all personal relationships -whether platonic or romantic- and Spider-Man never went well together. It was a sacrifice placed upon the shoulders of all variations who were chosen to dawn the mask of Spider-Man.
For if the legacy of being Spider-Man was a death sentence to those who are close, Hobie doesn’t want you death to be treated as his ‘canon event’ or whatever hand fisted bullshit excuse Miguel was trying to ram down everyone’s throats in order to justify in allowing a loved one of theirs to die. Hobie refuses that being the case and due to his righteous mistrust of Miguel, he kept your name out of his mouth unless it was within the presence of the few he could trust; Miles, Pavitr and Gwen.
‘So they have a crush on you.’ Pavitr began.
‘Yeah.’
‘And you have a crush on them.’ Miles jumped in.
‘Ain’t no point in hiding it.’ Hobie cooly replied because why should he bother hiding the obvious.
‘So…what’re you going to do about it?’ Gwen finishes and Hobie only shrugs in response, ‘dunno.’
Pavitr made an face of exaggerated shock and looks over at Miles and Gwen, who were already expecting this reaction from him as they exchanged looks with him, before looking back at Hobie. ‘Dunno, the person you like has expressed that they like you too-‘ ‘-it wasn’t me they were talking to Pav, it was Spider-Man, clear difference. No need to rom-com it.’ Pavitr waved his comment away and continues on his tangent, ‘they like you, you like them and your response to all that is; Dunno?!’ Hobie -again- shrugs. He really didn’t know what to do, yes the feelings between you two were mutual but that didn’t mean he was going to risk your safety over them; no matter how deeply he feels them to the point where the mere idea of you being put at risk because of him acting out of his selfishness in having you, made him physically hurt.
Hobie would rather enact upon his selfishness in a way that meant letting you go and moving on to someone who wasn’t going to be putting your life in constant danger, whilst also getting to shamelessly cling onto some part of you in the process; even if that meant just being your friend, even though he already knew that wasn’t what you wanted. ‘What do you want me to do Pavitr?’ Hobie began, ‘Go up to them and be like ‘remember the talk you had with Spider-Man up on the roof? Yeah that was me and no I’m not having a laugh because I like you too.’ He made a face at this, ‘nah I’d rather them call me a nonce for the rest of my life, well that is if they still want me in their life afterwards for lying to them this entire time.’ He murmurs the last part to himself mostly and it was silent for a while as he, Pavitr, Gwen and Miles sat on what has been said.
The later three shared a look between them as Hobie looked at a picture of the two of you that he kept within the pockets of his vest, smiling softly to himself as the echos of your laughter ran in his head like a melody he could set his soul adrift to on his most sleepless of nights. It was obvious to Gwen, Pavitr and Miles that Hobie held you close to his chest, right where his heart is; Gwen in particular was aware of how much of an impact you had on Hobie from the times she spent at his place and it was obvious as to where it was that you touched as Hobie made it apparent to keep it that way. You’ve made a home for yourself within Hobie’s heart and she knew that he’d fight to keep you in his life.
‘Hobie,’ he lifted his eyes to meet theirs, ‘would you rather be afraid to tell them who you are for the rest of your life, or tell them while you still have the chance because from what you’ve already told us about y/n, they wouldn’t hate you or call you a nonce, whatever that is.’ Miles mumbled under his breath as Hobie raised his brows, ‘has it crossed your mind at all that you might just overthinking all this? Not to say the fear ain’t real, what I’m trying to get at is this; you should pursue what makes you happiest, regardless of the fears you may have because in the end isn’t it better to have love and lost then to have never have loved at all?’
Hobie mulled on Miles’ advice once he got back to his reality before finding himself standing on that very same rooftop where his conflict began, looking down as he clutched his mask between both hands in contempt, so much so that he didn’t even hear your voice call out to him until you were right next to him. ‘Hobie? Everything alright?’ He had told you prior to meet up on the rooftop of some abandoned apartment complex that you were more then camisole with at this point, but the way he said it made you feel as though there was something eating away at your best friend and you weren’t about to let him go through anything alone without you.
Upon realising how close you were to him, Hobie was slick enough to hide his mask behind his back when he addressed you, stuffing it into his back pocket so that you wouldn’t get overly curious as to his hand placement but then again you were always as observant as him when he noticed the way your eyes lingered, like you already knew what this was about; to which Hobie wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case for it would make this situation a lot easier for you to process what you already knew. ‘Yeah, everything’s cool, why is it that you think somethings up?’ The raise of your brows only told Hobie that you weren’t buying it, ‘oh I think there is but it looks to me that you need a little prompting.’ and without missing a beat your hand was halfway to reaching for his back pocket when he caught your wrist, holding it there as he looked at you incredulously. ‘The hell was that for knobhead.’
You shrugged, ‘like I said, you needed prompting otherwise you wouldn’t be defending whatever’s in your back pocket so adamantly as you are now.’ You were smart, Hobie had to give you that as he lets go of your wrist and decides to quit the unnecessary prolonging and pulled out the mask from his back pocket, chucking it into your awaiting hands as he then sat himself near to the edge with his back facing you so he couldn’t see the look upon your face when you say, ‘so this is what you were hiding from me…I knew Spider-Man felt too familiar and now I know why.’ He heard your footsteps get closer before stopping all together as you sat yourself next to him.
You were both silent but it was a silence loud enough to dampen out anything else in that moment and Hobie didn’t know where this silence would lead to, and neither did you as you were now realising that you had confessed your feelings to your best friend without knowing it; which was already enough to take in but for that friend to also be spider-man was a whole other thing to unpack. Where you mad that he didn’t tell you? No, not even in the slightest but you were more worried then you could ever be mad, after all you just found out your crush and best friend was spider-man for fuck sakes so of course you’d be more worried for his well being. ‘Here,’ you tell him, holding out his mask for him to take, ‘you can have it back.’ Hobie did as you asked and took his mask back, but before it was fully in his grasp you yanked it away from his reach, causing him to look at you.
‘Give it.’ He tells you straightforwardly but you stood your ground as you pressed a finger to your cheek, ‘not until you tell me something first; did you know I had a crush on you prior.’ Hobie shrugs. ‘No, honestly it wasn’t until but you admitted that you liked me that somethings started to make sense.’ You hummed, content with his answer but you weren’t through quite yet. ‘Do you…feel the same.’ You once again asked but this time your voice wasn’t as steady and strong, it was fearful and hesitant; something Hobie never wants you to be when near him.
‘Of course I do, I thought I made it obvious when I personally dealt with those who chatted shit about you behind you back, I thought it was obvious that when I let you into my heart, that there would be no way that I was letting you go but with this,’ he gestured to the mask in your outstretched hand, ‘made it all the more harder for me to do that without putting you in danger; I was hiding this other life from you to protect you but you were always too observant for your own good but it’s one of the many things I love about you.’ Hobie admits, happy he finally got it off of his chest. After hearing all that, you gave him back his mask and rested your head against his shoulder, murmuring, ‘your such a hassle.’
Hobie smiled for what felt like the first time in a long while throughout this whole situation and slugged his arm over your shoulder before resting his head on top of yours, ‘yeah but I’m your hassle.’ He says before pressing a kiss to your head, feeling you as you snuggle into his side, smiling to yourself, ‘how unfortunate.’ You say half heartedly as Hobie joins in, ‘yeah, poor you.’
hellooo, your writing is amazing so far i love it 🫶🏼
Could you do one for Hobie x fem reader, where the reader is friends with SpiderPunk AND Hobie. But she doesn’t know they’re the same person. And one day lovergirl rants about her fat ah crush on Hobie to him??
First off, thank you for enjoining my writing, I try my best with what working brain cells I have left 🤣
Ooh I love this idea very much! But I might make it a two parter cuz I defiantly went off request…oops…
Part 2
You were just minding your business, chilling on the roof top of an abandoned apartment complex, mind a million miles elsewhere on a certain somebody when a flash of red and blue caught your eye and before you knew it; you company of one had became a company of two.
‘Heya Spidey, how are things?’ You greeted.
He shrugs, ‘the usual but what about you lil missis,’ he playfully nudges you, ‘head so far off into the clouds I’m actually feeling a little neglected over here.’ You laughed, shoving him away by his arm. ‘Oh come off it, will you? I just been thinking about this guy I’ve liked for a while now.’ You admitted and Hobie’s interest was immediately peaked.
For as long as he knew you, Hobie could barely remember the last time you had ever admitted to him in fancying someone, besides from a couple of incidences from way back that ended up backfiring; but other then that, you kinda made it a point not to talk about it, maybe in due to him thinking that whoever you did fancy at the time weren’t worth the effort you’d give had you perused them. You had often called him overprotective whenever you tell him about your crush of the week but Hobie would defend himself by saying he was merely looking out for you and didn’t want you getting hurt by some douchebag.
‘You don’t have to defend me from everything Hobie,’ you once told him as you were patching him up from beating the breaks off of your last crush because they were chatting shit about you behind your back, ‘whilst as sweet as it is but you can’t always be there to look out for me.’
‘Watch me.’ He replied, his view remaining completely unchanged. You sighed, knowing that once Hobie’s mind was made up, nothing you nor anyone else could do to change that. He was an akin to that of an immovable object when it came to his beliefs and views and it was amongst the many things you adored and admired about him most.
‘Oh yeah? And who’s the lucky guy?’ He asked casually leaning back on his arms, watching as you brought your knees close to your chest before resting your chin upon them as your eyes gaze out at nothing in particular; something Hobie noticed you often do when you were particularly in your feelings and needed something to hold onto and ground yourself before you became adrift in your own sea of emotions. It was cute to see you tucked in on yourself so tightly that he couldn’t be more thankful for the fact that you couldn’t see how dopey he must’ve looked beneath his mask.
‘Hobie. Hobie Brown.’
He blinked twice, nah, he must’ve heard that wrong, surely, his hearing must be going all scewiff.
‘Hobie Brown.’ He said his own name as though it was the first time he was ever saying it. Upon seeing the way your shoulders drop and your body becoming at ease upon hearing his name, along with the way you smiled gently and how your eyes seemed to beam with newfound light which all had only helped In affirming to Hobie that he did indeed hear you the first time. ‘What is it about the guy that’s got you all up in knots?’ He asked, trying to act as though you didn’t just indirectly admitted that you’ve got a crush on him to him.
‘Where do I start.’ You started, unable to fight against your own feelings that were swelling up within your chest when an image of Hobie appeared in the forefront of your mind, he was sat on your bed, eyes closed as he allowed himself to get lost within his guitar rifts, his calloused fingers expertly transitioned from chord to chord as it were muscle memory. ‘He’s just so cool and awesome and so forthright and opinionated in his views and beliefs that he’s not afraid to back down from a fight should it come down to it.’ You tell him with a sense of fondness in your voice.
Hobie was quick to notice how your hand fiddle with one of the many handmade pins he’s made you that you always paired up with any and every outfit you ever wore, even if they styles did clash but you didn’t seem to care; Whatever the reason for you reaching for the pins were, whether it’d be out of a need to feel out the closest thing you had in regards to him or it was just something you did out of habit, made Hobie warm within his chest that soon spread throughout his body. ‘Sounds like me and this Hobie guy are more alike then I originally thought.’
Your fingers stopped their fiddling and you suddenly looked at him as though you were just now realising something with the way your eyes bore into him, Hobie thought that you might’ve developed the ability to see through the mask that withheld his identity and into him, so much so that he couldn’t help but make a comment on it, ‘stare at me any harder sweetheart and your stare might burn right through my mask.’ You must’ve been deep into your thinking as you didn’t seem to have noticed that he had spoken at all and Hobie was starting to think that he might’ve been too relaxed with you as Spider-Man that you might have started to have it pieced together in your mind; after all you were smart, more so then what you give yourself credit for.
‘Now that you’ve mentioned it you and Hobie do share some of the same attributes and habits, I’m also pretty sure your similar height wise and even though your mask muffled your voice, it fills me with a sense of familiarity that it’s hard for me to put a finger on.’ You said as you leaned closer to him until you were partially merely a breath away from each other. Hobie didn’t know he was holding in a breath until you shrugged ‘but I could just be grasping at a straws, so I won’t dwell on it as much.’ and moved away from him back to your previous position.
As much as he would’ve loved to have you figure out his identity on your own terms. Hobie would prefer it best if he were the one to reveal himself to you but the moments where he wanted to never felt right and he didn’t want to you in danger by doing so, but he knew that there’d come a time where he would be greeted with a choice in wether to tell you the truth as to who he was or continue living like he has currently and potentially loose your trust because of his lack of transparency; Hobie couldn’t bear to think of loosing your trust but just as he has always done since becoming your friend, he was merely looking out for you and for your safety as they were always his top priorities.
heyyy, i really need a wrench's sfw alphabet 🥺🥺 i love him so so so much and i haven't found any new headcanons of him in a while
WRENCH SFW ALPHABET
I can’t believe we finally got a Watch Dogs fan, I hope you enjoy your stay in the archives!
A = Affection
(How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Shows affection everywhere, all the time and with everything he has. Likes to show it physically and with little trinkets he either finds or makes. If he sees something in a store and it reminds him of you, consider it yours (he did not steal it not at all no of course not he wouldn’t do something like that).
Will cling to you even when you’re fighting about some petty thing, he cannot bring himself to let go of you ever. Probably even got you safety gear so he could continue to hug you when absolutely fucking up a toaster or something of the sorts.
B = Best friend
(What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
Stupid. Wrench is a stupid little man with no idea how to properly talk or communicate. Either someone in Dedsec told him to finally ask you to hang out or he was high out of his mind, since he hates talking to new people.
Once’s that’s done though, he’d go with you through thick and thin, acting much like he does with everyone else in Dedsec.
C = Cuddles
(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
If he ever doesn’t want to cuddle, that’s a clone and you should shoot it immediately. Wrench is down to cuddle whenever, just tell him to take of the spiky stuff first because he will not remember.
Loves to cuddle in the morning or after stressful missions the most, he would cling to you for hours if you let him.
D = Domestic
(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Not yet. Possibly never. He would probably keep moving around forever if you weren’t in the picture. He’ll try to be a bit more domestic if it’s something that you really want, but Reggie still has a need to do society justice. It’s not like he doesn’t want to settle down ever, but he almost feels pressured to help the ones who cannot defend themselves (please take him to a therapist, he’ll be much more inclined to settle down after that).
He is shit at cooking and who do you think made a mess in the first place? He’ll try his best to help out however he can, but for the love of your stomach do NOT let him near the stove.
E = Ending
(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Stole your pets if you had them and hacked all your devices to be completely useless. You’d have to really fucked things up for him to actually break up with you, so his reaction is (partially) rationalized.
F = Fiance(e)
(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Very committed to your relationship. Would be down to get married whenever tbh, he already knows you’re the one anyway.
G = Gentle
(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
He can be a bit brash, but he means well and would never do anything he knew or thought could upset you. Wrench is always very sweet with his words and everything he says, no matter how cheesy or dumb, he means wholeheartedly. Always careful to never upset you.
And if you ignore the spikes and other various pokies from his clothing choices, he is quite gentle. You’d think mans would throw you around however he wants with the way he can swing that sledge hammer, but he’s surprisingly gentle whenever it comes to you, his touches featherlight when caressing your figure.
H = Hugs
(Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Fucking LOVES hugs. Morning hug, getting out of bed hug, brushing your teeth hug, before breakfast hug, breakfast hug, after breakfast hu- I think you get it. Hugging you so much it’s embarrassing.
They’re firm, comforting and can last from a second to a few minutes depending on his mood.
I = I love you
(How fast do they say the L-word?)
Quite fast probably. Maybe on the first date even. He’s not ashamed to admit it.
J = Jealousy
(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Wrench trusts you with his life, not to mention in the relationship. Buuuttttt…. He would be jealous of a screwdriver if you looked at it too long. He thrives off of your attention and wants it on him as much as possible, so no other person may flirt with you, thank you very much.
Gets really physical when jealous, maybe even lifts his mask a lil to kiss your neck from behind or something. Whatever gets your attention off of whatever he’s jealous of and onto him.
K = Kisses
(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Dramatic. Would dip you just to give you a tiny little peck on the cheek. Loves to kiss you on whatever skin is exposed on you, whether that be stomach, neck, hands, eyelids, whatever.
He loves to be kissed on his mask in public, but honestly melts every time you kiss his scar(s).
L = Little ones
(How are they around children?)
No, absolutely not. Pets? Yes! But children not so much. He’s scared he’ll be just as awful as his parents and honestly, he wouldn’t be fit to be a dad period.
M = Morning
(How are mornings spent with them?)
Him trying to coax you out of bed to “get a head-start” (even though literally nothing is going on whatsoever). He has very little need for sleep to be healthy/productive/awake, so he just goes to sleep at ungodly times and wakes up even earlier. Will gladly stay in bed and cuddle though.
Since he can’t cook for shit, if he wakes up much earlier than you, he’ll go to a bakery and get you your favorite dessert.
N = Night
(How are nights spent with them?)
Probably watching a shitty movie you stopped paying attention to hours ago in favor of flirting or making out. If you fall asleep, he’d carry you to bed and start working on some tiny project before joining you in bed.
O = Open
(When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
When he opens up to you, most likely a few months after you started dating, he’ll dump everything out at once as not to surprise you later on in the relationship. He’s very open with people he knows and never afraid to speak up when something makes him uncomfortable or reminds him about a worse time in his live.
He’ll also frequently joke about his past trauma, so be prepared for that.
P = Patience
(How easily angered are they?)
Gets mad all the time, but never directs it at you. If you’re scared of yelling, he’ll get you to somewhere you can’t hear him, and then scream his lungs out. Or, he’ll probably just cling to you instead, you make him calm down with your presence alone.
Q = Quizzes
(How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
He couldn’t really be a hacker if he was forgetful, so it’s safe to say he very quickly picks up everything you say and do. Deffo memorizes all the names of the people you gossip about.
“So Samantha called her a-“
“Isn’t that the one who broke up with her boyfriend because he was ‘too ugly’?” ?_?
“YEAH!- wait how’d you know that?”
“Babe, you told me like, a month ago.” -_-
R = Remember
(What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
Going to the shittiest looking döner kebab restaurant with you and eating without his mask for the first time in public. He can still see how you laughed at him when the white (very sus looking) sauce dripped all over his chin, only for you to start choking on your food, which made him laugh and also start choking on his. You were very quickly kicked out, but continued laughing together until you got home.
S = Security
(How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
So fucking protective of you omg. Scary dog privileges is all I can say.
He doesn’t need to be protected, if anything, you need to protect others from him.
T = Try
(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Everything comes to him quite naturally, he never goes out of his way to plan something, he’s much more spontaneous. But he still puts effort into making everything as enjoyable as possible for you, but plans aren’t really his thing.
U = Ugly
(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Beating himself up over not being pretty enough and his rash decision making. It’ll take some effort on your part to get him to think and act differently.
V = Vanity
(How concerned are they with their looks?)
He is a crust punk and wears a mask 24/7, doesn’t really care most of the time unless he’s feeling self conscious about his (very lovable) face.
W = Whole
(Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Definitely couldn’t do without you if you’re apart long enough. You’re his rock and his comfort. Doesn’t like going on long missions anymore, because he’d just miss you so much.
X = Xtra
(A random headcanon for them.)
He is SO GOOD at braiding hair, no matter what hair texture you have or what style you’re going for. Has no idea where he picked up the talent himself, he’s just a natural at it. (Please let him do your hair please please please he won’t even sniff it that much)
Y = Yuck
(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
A capitalist.
Z = Zzz
(What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
Clinging onto you super tight and if you have tiddies, burying his face in them. (He doesn’t need air anyway)
Also a prolific blanket AND pillow thief, you either freeze or buy enough of them to supply a whole army.
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