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had that one viral hungergames tweet and other than that these are just jokes i can't post anywhere else

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talking to my sweet, beautiful slick back bunned, fake tanned coworker who just dropped that she was imprisoned on Riker's Island like she was reading the sunday newspaper

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performative male is not just a matcha and wired ear buds. have you ever come face to face with a dude who non stop references how he has paid for ur $20 dinner and states he has a sister like that makes him less of an asshole?

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beware of men who are too into their instagram, if has an arcteryx beanie and jnco's sitting on the stoop of nyc brownstone, RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

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sleeping in bed with a man who has one measly fleece blanket and one flat unwashed pillow is only tolerable if you are really into roleplay. like yes, i am a cavewoman curled up with only the pelt of an animal to cover me and the body heat of a large hairy unkept man to keep me warm.

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seeing my graphic design on Hamilton's instagram is what I imagine michelangelo felt when the sistine chapel was done

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current ocd obession is picking six letters in my head and doing anagrams on it until i figure out the six letter word while having conversations with people not listening to them at all. like you could be telling me about your god awful boyfriend and all im thinking is "air, aired, raised, read, dare, dear, sad, said, rad, raid"

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bitches hating on pony hair shoes have never enjoyed the pleasure of sitting criss cross in a cafe and petting them between bouts of typing on your laptop

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cameron winters x olivia rodrigo is my great molasses flood (since it's offensive to say it's my 9/11 now)

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i think being in love is the most wonderful thing and i wouldn't wish it on anyone but myself

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STOP WEARING PIMPLE PATCHES AS A FASHION ACCESSORY PLWASE

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i am so good at cycling

cycling is super easy if you have OCD because the thought of "my family will all die if I drop below 80 rpm" is constantly in your head

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Sometimes I am unsure if I am brave enough for things and then I remember last semester when I randomly started pole dancing lessons and danced in front of an entire crowd just as a random side quest

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was so nervous for a date and i am not allowed to use xanax any more so instead i went and got four piercings right before it and then did a sonny angel box unboxing to take off the nerves

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got the cat from the valentines day keychain set just in case u were wondering guys, i know i have a large audience

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EEEEEEEEEEEEE

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do not take double the amount of mg in an edible at midnight for a sabrina carpenter release because then u hear please please please featuring dolly parton and dolly's voice scares the shit out of you and now you can't listen to the song sober now because it was so traumatizing

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do you think maggie rogers knows i need to know her intimately

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i hate when people are right about general life things. like yeah deleting social media does make my mental health better. going to the gym everyday does make me feel better about myself. drinking water does make my skin clearer. like touuuucheeee jesus christ

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was so nervous for a date and i am not allowed to use xanax any more so instead i went and got four piercings right before it and then did a sonny angel box unboxing to take off the nerves

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got the cat from the valentines day keychain set just in case u were wondering guys, i know i have a large audience