So, you decided to write a fanfiction with your favorite female character having a kid. Thank you very much. I’m a sucker for kidfic. However, please consider doing a bit of research into the whole pregnancy and early infancy thing. Or even childhood development.
A few things that I’ve read over the years, and often enough or just so plain wrong that it stuck in my mind :
- Morning sickness, and all other pregnancy symptoms do not happen within a week of having sex. If you character feel nauseous, weak and tired a week after having sex with whoever you ship her with, she’s more likely has the flu.
- Labour take more than 5 minutes. And it won’t take two whole days. At some point, doctors do something about it, it becomes dangerous for mother and child.
- Afterbirth exists. You don’t need to describe it, nor even mention it to be honest. But don’t write like it’s just a few minutes between the birth and the mother wheeled up in her room.
- No woman will be happy with their whole family, friend and neighbors and their dog visiting her within an hour of giving birth. Think about it. You’re exhausted, still in pain, overly emotional, just met your new kid, high on drugs most of the time. Would you really want so many people crowding your room?
- Babies do not talk when they’re 3 months old. Nope, not even just “mama” or “dada”.
- Also they don’t walk at 5 months.
- Or eat a whole steak by 7 months. (Yes I still wonder about that one and I read it years ago).
- Basically read about “baby milestones” and take your pick between the range they give. If you want to portray the kid as precocious, use the earliest.
- No one sane has ever hired a babysitter because they were cooking diner while baby was napping in the next room. Maybe they have a full-time nanny, but they don’t pay the neighbor girl 20 bucks for that.
- I don’t care how smart they are, and who raised them, but no 4 years old would know 4 languages, how to diffuse a bomb, fire 5 differents guns and riffles, and control their fear and emotions and explain something science (don’t remember what) to Tony Stark. Some things have to be learn and take training, you know. - I know it seems cool and validating and all, but a 14 years old telling a teacher to fuck off won’t be highed five by the principal.
- No parent will be good parents AND letting their 6 years old drink a beer. It’s one or the other. Take your pick. I’m not a parent so I’m sure I missed a lot of thing. So people please add to this!
