QuixtoicQuery

Just another one screaming into the void. Can't spell their own name.

[quixoticquery]

So many years of buying the line, “Be a productive member of society,” yet never wondered exactly what that society was producing until it was too late; I was a cog and productive. 

Now, from what I can gather is the end product, I have minuscule interest in contributing to this cancerous factory. It’s appetite is rapacious and there is no foreman.

Gonna take my cigarette break right here on the assembly line.

[quixoticquery]

Nocturnal Record of my Wallmate

I sleep in my closet because confined spaces relax me. The wall of my closet is next to my neighbor’s entryway. Here is a record of his movements.

Disclaimers:

Doors are heavy in my building; letting them swing closed on their own produces a loud slamming noise that reverberates. References to “slamming” or “slams” herein are not meant to invoke images of a person angrily or forcefully flinging a door shut; just a person walking away from a door as it’s own weight hurtles itself back to the lintel with force enough to produce a noise blessed by Thor.

The elevator is several feet away from my closet and wallmate’s apartment. 

July 24-25, 2021 11:12 pm: Loud slam and sounds of locking door. Echoes. Footsteps. Elevator ding. 3:14 am: Door unlocks. Door slams closed. Echoes. Wallmate has returned. Way too long for a smoke break. Where has he been? What has he done? It’s 3 am and well past bar close. 5:15 am: Door opens. Locked. Echoes. Elevator ding. Voices; conversation with another floor neighbor. Way too chipper in tone for so early. Coffee isn’t even awake yet. 5:24 am: Elevator ding. Voices. Another conversation the entire floor can hear but not understand the individual words. Door opens, swings closed. Smoke break complete. 

Did he sleep this night? My own was fitful. He is not vampire, for I’ve seen him in summer sunlight at least once.

[quixoticquery]

My sorrow of having survived another night when I wake is only eclipsed by the anxiety and terror of having to face another day.

[quixoticquery]

Confession of Pranks

When house sitting for my parents, I would deep clean everything, but also subtly reorganize things, only enough so that things would be off, but not so obvious they caught on right away. Examples: switch the place where forks were kept in their silverware drawer with where the spoons were, move a favorite chair 15 degrees and half a foot forward, refold all their shirts into identical squares, etc.

Watch movies on my father’s sub-account to mess with this recommendation algorithm. Netflix throws period pieces at him like he’s a historian. I may watch the entire Twilight saga on his sub-account to truly turn the tables. Maybe thrown in a bit more anime too. A few more months and none of his taste in movies will remain.

Used to turn the vacuum switch to on after using and unplugging, so that when the next person to use it plugged it in, the vacuum would roar to life, scaring them. This prank backfired; I soon discovered I was the only one vacuuming. I discontinued after several attempts.

Once put a block of ice in the middle of a snowball that I threw at my brother. I was young and thought the point of a snowball fight was to inflict the most damage. By that criterion, I won. He was walked, crying, inside by my mother. Pretty sure he had limp for a few days (I hit him in the foot; my aim is poor, thank goodness). I have not participated in a snowball fight since and regret the ice-ball projectile to this day.

Once got my younger brother, when he was less than 10 years old) to try straight Tabasco sauce. His mouth burned. He teared up. Lost all trust in me and the world no doubt. My father was upset as well. Fast forward a few minutes, and I end up flicking Tabasco sauce into my own eye. Half an hour of flushing my eye and crying later, I had internalized the principals and consequences of karma.

[quixoticquery]

Technicality

If you were a carpenter and crafted your own bed, you could respond to the question, “Have you made your bed?” with, “Yes.” each and every time, and,  regardless of the alignment of your sheets, pillows, and comforter, be telling the truth.

[quixoticquery]

Instead of letting the innocent, unsuspecting Frodo waltz into Bag End looking for Bilbo and just PICKING UP THE RING as Gandalf smokes and contemplates, Gandalf could have put a cup over the suspect ring and a sheet of paper under it, as if it was a goddamn spider (here the fandom draws Ungoliant and attercop thematic symbolism from this). Contained from direct physical contact, Gandalf could have then dropped the Ring into a mold of melted wax, in a shape that is pretty thick but not too unwieldy, and let it cool. Upgrades that weak envelope and wax seal game. 

Solutions this offers on the way to Mt. Doom:

Someone wants to put on the Ring (gives into the temptation), they have to chip through several inches of wax to do so, drawing attention to themselves by those who should be monitoring for such an inevitability (:cough: the fellowship)

P.S. Why wasn’t Samwise strictly instructed to prevent Frodo from ever putting on the Ring? It’d have been a failsafe; he could’ve rugby-tackled him when things got weird, which he did the once in the movies, but you’d think they’d tell everyone, “Hey, if Frodor starts staring at the Ring or twirling it in his fingers or stroking it like a newborn rabbit, tackle his ass.”

Poor innocent, unsuspecting Frodo wouldn’t have waltzed in from the 111th Birthday party and just PICKED UP THE RING like he was tidying the place up.

P.S. I hold Gandalf entirely responsible for this; he should have prevented ALL unnecessary, casual, accidental contact with the Ring. Frodo was not read his rights nor were the terms of the agreement disclosed to him before his first physical contact with the Ring.

The whole Prancing Pony Ring-STEADY-ON-Toss-And-End-Up-On-Finger-gate would never have happened. Thus the Nagzul would not have found them so soon, thus Weathertop Stabby Time could have been prevented.

Boromir’s “Odd that so much fear from so little a thing” moment in the mountains prevented.

Eh, then Frodo would have been screwed when Boromir cornered him alone in the woods. Needed that Ring that one time to nope out of that situ. Then again, the Fellowship had the one job of keeping an eye on Frodo, and all six at the river’s edge that day, one of whom is Mr. Elf Eyes himself, missed him going off on his own while the most susceptible to the Ring’s pull disappeared as well. Failure.

P.S. Why put it on a chain around his neck, Albatross-style? Why not use the medieval equivalent of ducktape it physically bind it onto Frodo’s person in such a way that he can’t get to the Ring, or at the very least put a finger through it?

And while no craft that they here at the Council of Elrond possess could destroy the ring, they most definitely could have sealed that shit in a small metal box that would require a smithy to open to prevent people from putting it on as they walked to Mt. Doom.

They could have done a lot to put up barriers to giving into the temptation to put the Ring on for all involved is all I’m saying. Maybe take five minutes to think about logistics instead of, “Cricky get the bags. Let’s go.”